DS 17 only one not going to uni - impact on friendships?

[Juicecharger]

My DS is super happy at his private school i.e. loads of friends, but has no interest in academia and so won't be going to uni. All his friends are going however. He has his heart set on public sector job that doesn't pay brilliantly and although I'm happy that he's got a direction he's passionate about I wonder what will happen to his school friendships (he does also have friends outside of school). If your child was in a similar situation, did their school friendships survive or did the fact that they were no longer on the same track lead to them waning?

Your son will meet new people. School friendships naturally fade. You sound more invested in it than your son.

They tend to stay in touch through gaming and SM these days. My DD has just finished first year and is back with her school friends, but in touch with her uni friends.
He will make new friends though work and his school friends will be there in the holidays. Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine.

I am friends in my 40s with friends from school. Some of us moved, some went to uni, some didn't. I don't actually see the new uni friends anymore.

In holidays friends from school/ college would all get together and go out. We'd go visit friends at different universities. Some who came went straight into work and didn't themselves go to a uni. It worked just fine.

I say don't put your anxiety onto your kid. I do it myself so I understand.

They figure things out themselves and will be absolutely fine. Don't overthink it

In my DS's immediate friendship group at school one of the lads didn't go to Uni but took an apprenticeship- he is still very much involved with all the friends after several years (they have all graduated now) - & he's the one earning the most so he's happy!

Thanks all. I hoped that would be case i.e. that they'll still stay close(ish). He has such lovely friends and, you're right, with social media, they'll probably stay in touch. As it is, he never talks to them about anything to do with school so it's not as if it's that shared experience that keeps them together.

But they go in totally different directions geographically anyway, and end up all over the country. They keep in touch on social media if they want to.

Unless his friends are all going to the same uni I don't even think it will make any difference. Sometimes these friendships last and sometimes they drift.

I think you have to just let this worry go. He has a direction he wants to pursue, it would be a much worse choice to go to uni just for social reasons.

If the friendships are meant to last they will, if not they will fade away.

Unless they are all going to same Uni, there will be a friendship shift for them all.

I was the only one out of my friends to go Uni and I used to go home regularly to see my best friends from school.

My DS "left home" to go to uni last Sept. In reality he's at home for nearly 6 months of the year 😆 terms are pretty short! He loves coming home and catching up with all his mates, many of whom didn't go to uni and are working locally. They all pick up where they left off. When he's at uni he stays in touch via phone and PS5. Your DS will be absolutely fine OP.

My DS didn’t go to Uni when all his friends did, he left college and worked for 4 years instead. They all stayed in touch and they were home a lot of the time so caught up then. My DS then decided to go to Uni the year all his friends graduated. Most of them moved to different areas but still all managed to keep the friendships going. Now 8 years later they still have a strong friendship group.

GS lives with me, he's on a gap year working to save some money for uni in September but most of his friends are at the end of their first year at uni. They have been home so often I wonder how they get anything done at uni, he's visited some of them, the ones who went travelling are coming back and the ones doing apprenticeships have been here all year. Doesn't seem to have had much impact except he was a bit jealous during freshers when he was hearing how much fun they were having.

Has he considered doing a higher apprenticeship so he can train, learn a trade and earn money while getting a qualification?
They've got them in lots of different sectors now such as accounting etc not just plumbing etc.

https://www.ucas.com/apprenticeships/england/higher-level-4-5

At that age they move through different friendship groups and meet new people anyway. They experience new things and it's all fairly fluid anyway.

Kept school friends via visits, online games and online films together. Made new friends through hobbies and work

Most of my friends went to uni and I went to work in a different town. I’m not in touch with any of my school friends now and I doubt we’d have much in common from what I’ve seen on social media. I’m fine with that and I’ve met many friends through work, in fact I’ve just come back from a lovely holiday with one of them. To be honest it’s my mum who seems to be sad that I’m not friends with any of them. Perhaps it’s because we’re from a small town and she got to see us all grow up?

In my experience, they drift and make their own way.

One of DC’s wasin Scotland for uni, uni holidays were earlier, so few friends from school around.
This DC was involved in The Fringe, so in later years, stopped returning in the summer anyway.
Of his friends, one did a year on placement and didn't return from Europe.
Another, his family moved whilst he was at uni, so his ‘home’ was elsewhere.
Some of his friends went travelling, another volunteered at festivals. Sometimes their holidays with family or uni friends just meant none were around at the same time.

My other DC worked from 18. His job is 40 minutes away so he moved out, he rarely returns other than to see me. He isn't in touch with any school friends and has relatively new friends through a hobby.

It evolves. I’ve not been involved.

My DS didn't go to university and all his close circle did.He kept many of his old friends and made new ones at work. And that was without the benefit of private education!

Don't worry he'll be fine. Few people stay best friends with their school friends. A few do, most of us make friends from all sorts of stages in life.

He will navigate his own friendships when hee starts work. Don't worry too much

One of my friendship group from school didn’t go to university. He saw more of us all than the rest of us saw of each other, because he was back in our home town and everyone met up with him when back!

It is natural for friendships to drift and reform at this stage though, that’s natural no matter what path they take.

I am almost 40 and keep in touch with a handful of school friends but not uni friends. Actually a lot of mine and DHs close friends are from work.
I wish I didn't go to uni and went straight to work. If wasn't for me and I love the office environment.