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Original poster

Starting primary - settling in

83 replies

welshycake · 13/06/2024 22:33

My child has two afternoon sessions in their first week. That's it.

Then it just builds up from there to include lunch and longer days.

They aren't fully at school for the whole school day until week 4.

Is that normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:34

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/06/2024 23:11

To all those parents being a bit bolshy about it "not being legal", schools do only do this for the good of your child, you know. It's not like nursery where babies and toddlers start at different times all year round. Having 30 brand new children start brand new routines with a brand new teacher, in a brand new environment - all at the same time - can be VERY difficult for little ones to cope with. If a couple are crying this can often spread quickly to others and the teacher can't give their individual attention to every crying child at the same time. It takes time for the teacher to get to know each and every child and the best way to deal with them when they get upset as all children are different.

It's quite hard to do this when there are 30 in all at once, and some with obvious additional needs or behavioural issues which parents kept quiet about on the application form. Then there are the ones who aren't yet potty trained and who need cleaning up after an accident.

Try to imagine a Reception school classroom at the beginning of September with 30 children in from day 1. It's easy to imagine - have you ever hosted a kids' party? Now imagine that party with 30 kids, who you don't know, don't even know the names of, and doing it on your own or with maybe just 1 other helper? Not only that but the party is 6 hours long, and you're not able to call the parents to come back early if they child is crying and various children are wetting themselves or spilling food down themselves. A few are being naughty, not listening to a word you're saying. Others are screaming as they're non-verbal or have suspected ASD and they can't cope with it all. Maybe one is shoving someone, and another one is hitting someone. You have 15 children in your face all trying to tell you something all at once.

Be VERY grateful that your child's teachers do their best to take on this challenge as best they can from about a week in. The chaos and upset to the children is minimised by having a gentler run-in for them. They're not thinking about whether you're annoyed because you've already got your annual leave earmarked for other things or if your manager is being difficult about you needing to adjust your day for a couple of weeks. They only want the children to settle as quickly and happily as possible. You've known that your child will be starting school around that time ever since they were born, it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone, so there is plenty of time to plan ahead to think about how you are going to manage the slight disruption for just a few days at the very start of the next 12 or 14 years of their lives.

If you have never been in a Reception classroom for any length of time I think you'd find it an eye opener. Those teachers deserve a medal and a stiff drink at the end of each day. 😆

I think there's a compromise though. I get it's a bit change but my child isn't going to settle in if the first week they aren't there!

OP posts:
Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:43

You've known that your child will be starting school around that time ever since they were born, it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone

Of course it didn't come as a complete surprise. I booked a week of unpaid parental leave for the first week as I know it would be patchy attendance. I didn't think I'd have to prepare for 3 and a bit weeks of weird comings and goings.

OP posts:
Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:45

Bunnycat101 · 14/06/2024 07:29

There is such huge pressure on nursery places that they need the older ones out now and not half in/half out. My one used to let the kids come back during transition but didn’t have the capacity to allow it last year.

No-one also talks about the impact on other children. My eldest had to do more holiday camp (at expense) as we had to save annual leave up to deal with school starting so couldn’t spend it as a family.

In the past it might have been a good thing if there were lots of sahms (although think it would have still been disorientating) but having kids passed from pillar to post re childcare or watching tv while their parents are working isn’t better than being in school. There were some kids who were booked into wrap around who weren’t in school but came back for the childcare.

In two weeks of school we only had one full day.

I also think going back to nursery after starting school is more confusing for the kids personally. They need that "right I'm a big kid now" moment tough as some might find it

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Procrastinates · 14/06/2024 07:47

welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:45

I also think going back to nursery after starting school is more confusing for the kids personally. They need that "right I'm a big kid now" moment tough as some might find it

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It's definitely more confusing in my experience especially when you've spent so long building up to the fact they're now leaving nursery and going to big school. I'm surprised so many people don't see how confusing and detrimental that would be to a young child.

Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:50

I also appreciate that not all kids have been in daycare but their parents also knew school was coming up. I don't see why there can't be two different patterns. One for those where the kids didn't go to nursery. To clarify this is a 2 class entry school so it would be possible to have two different patterns.

OP posts:
Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:51

Procrastinates · 14/06/2024 07:47

It's definitely more confusing in my experience especially when you've spent so long building up to the fact they're now leaving nursery and going to big school. I'm surprised so many people don't see how confusing and detrimental that would be to a young child.

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Thanks for confirming this. Part of me was wondering if I should approach the nursery but my gut instinct was saying no, there needs to be that goodbye.

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SocoBateVira · 14/06/2024 07:51

In the past it might have been a good thing if there were lots of sahms (although think it would have still been disorientating) but having kids passed from pillar to post re childcare or watching tv while their parents are working isn’t better than being in school. There were some kids who were booked into wrap around who weren’t in school but came back for the childcare.

This is a great point. Inevitably, some kids in this setup will end up in cobbled together childcare arrangements. Bound to make the transition more difficult for some of them.

Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:52

RedRobyn2021 · 14/06/2024 06:37

As I understood most schools don't do staggered starts anymore, I know some will disagree but I actually think that's a real shame. It's such a huge transition for them

There's staggered starts and there's taking so long to do it that it is half term before they've really got going!

OP posts:
Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:53

SocoBateVira · 14/06/2024 07:51

In the past it might have been a good thing if there were lots of sahms (although think it would have still been disorientating) but having kids passed from pillar to post re childcare or watching tv while their parents are working isn’t better than being in school. There were some kids who were booked into wrap around who weren’t in school but came back for the childcare.

This is a great point. Inevitably, some kids in this setup will end up in cobbled together childcare arrangements. Bound to make the transition more difficult for some of them.

Yup I'm already making a spreadsheet with my friends and family over who is having who!

OP posts:
Parker231 · 14/06/2024 07:55

Upminster12 · 13/06/2024 23:04

It was the same at my daughter's school last year, I had to use a tonne of annual leave, it's really difficult for working parents when the school does this.

You don’t have to do a staggered start and waste your annual leave. You are legally entitled to send them full time straight away.

Parker231 · 14/06/2024 07:55

welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:53

Yup I'm already making a spreadsheet with my friends and family over who is having who!

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Don’t - just send them full time from the start

Procrastinates · 14/06/2024 07:57

welshycake · 14/06/2024 07:53

Yup I'm already making a spreadsheet with my friends and family over who is having who!

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Honestly don't. Instead you all need to speak to the school and say your child will be starting full time* from the start. Organising a rota is madness when your child could instead be at school.

*If you want them to have a few half day etc by all means say that but it genuinely isn't necessary. A child can't start to properly settle at school until they are actually experiencing what it's like to be at school.

SocoBateVira · 14/06/2024 08:00

Agree. I'd exercise the legal right to have them in FT straight away or perhaps after a couple of half days if the alternative is a patchwork, unless you genuinely think the patchwork will suit them better.

welshweasel · 14/06/2024 08:03

We had this with my eldest. Thankfully his nursery agreed to keep him for an extra month and between me and my husband we managed to dip out of work to ferry him between the two settings. It was massively disruptive. The school claimed it was so they could do baseline assessments on all the kids but given it took until half term to realise he could read, I doubt those happened!

Unfortunately in Wales you can't insist on full time from the start like you can in England.

My youngest went to private school and started full time (with wraparound before and after school) from day 1 and had no issues.

Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:08

Procrastinates · 14/06/2024 07:57

Honestly don't. Instead you all need to speak to the school and say your child will be starting full time* from the start. Organising a rota is madness when your child could instead be at school.

*If you want them to have a few half day etc by all means say that but it genuinely isn't necessary. A child can't start to properly settle at school until they are actually experiencing what it's like to be at school.

Edited
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No I'm not doing that they'll have my child sat in a class of a load of other kids or something

OP posts:
Bunnycat101 · 14/06/2024 08:11

I’d be the same OP at not wanting to insist on full time and be different but I do think you should write to the school and point out it’s a very long settling in period, probably longer than the average and why it will be detrimental to you. If no-one tells them, they can continue with it indefinitely.

SocoBateVira · 14/06/2024 08:12

welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:08

No I'm not doing that they'll have my child sat in a class of a load of other kids or something

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Depends what other parents of new starters are doing. Do you know any of them?

Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:13

Parker231 · 14/06/2024 07:55

Don’t - just send them full time from the start

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No

OP posts:
Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:13

SocoBateVira · 14/06/2024 08:12

Depends what other parents of new starters are doing. Do you know any of them?

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Yes we're making a spreadsheet

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Procrastinates · 14/06/2024 08:13

welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:08

No I'm not doing that they'll have my child sat in a class of a load of other kids or something

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They wouldn't be though? There are 30 children starting you absolutely won't be the only one who sends their child full time from day one. I presume the other parents you're coordinating the rota with would all do the same. The problem is some schools portray this as the only option hoping that parents don't realise what their child is entitled to is full time education from day one.

Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:14

Bunnycat101 · 14/06/2024 08:11

I’d be the same OP at not wanting to insist on full time and be different but I do think you should write to the school and point out it’s a very long settling in period, probably longer than the average and why it will be detrimental to you. If no-one tells them, they can continue with it indefinitely.

Yes I'll do that. Maybe ask if it's possible for week 3 to be a bit different and if she could join the morning lot for some of the days so she'd be doing whole days a bit sooner

OP posts:
Original poster
welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:17

Procrastinates · 14/06/2024 08:13

They wouldn't be though? There are 30 children starting you absolutely won't be the only one who sends their child full time from day one. I presume the other parents you're coordinating the rota with would all do the same. The problem is some schools portray this as the only option hoping that parents don't realise what their child is entitled to is full time education from day one.

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No I'm fully aware that my child is entitled to it but I also assume the teachers know what they are doing to some extent and that the schedule is planned as it is for a reason. My child will be one of the youngest in the year. If the school are saying this is what works I'm not going to go in and say no I know better full time from day one. I might discuss it with them and see if she can go full days a bit sooner if it seems to be working well. I just don't believe in going in and demanding my legal rights over what the school think is best for the children.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 14/06/2024 08:17

welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:08

No I'm not doing that they'll have my child sat in a class of a load of other kids or something

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When DT’s started, the majority started full time from day one. DH and I didn’t have annual leave to waste. Any days wasted would be less family holiday time together.

Parker231 · 14/06/2024 08:21

welshycake · 14/06/2024 08:17

No I'm fully aware that my child is entitled to it but I also assume the teachers know what they are doing to some extent and that the schedule is planned as it is for a reason. My child will be one of the youngest in the year. If the school are saying this is what works I'm not going to go in and say no I know better full time from day one. I might discuss it with them and see if she can go full days a bit sooner if it seems to be working well. I just don't believe in going in and demanding my legal rights over what the school think is best for the children.

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It might work for the school but not necessarily for parents who know their children best. For my DT’s routine and not a patch work approach worked best. They also did breakfast and after school clubs from day one

Procrastinates · 14/06/2024 08:23

but I also assume the teachers know what they are doing to some extent and that the schedule is planned as it is for a reason.

I can promise you there isn't a good reason for a 4 week long staggered start and it's not being done because it's in the best interest of any child starting it's being done because that's how it's always been done and they've no reason to change it if no one complains.

Honestly I get it you don't want to be seen as thinking you know better and you don't have to go in all guns blazing but it is genuinely more likely to be detrimental to your child dragging it out for a whole month so I would encourage you and the other parents to enquire about a more reasonable staggered start. Anything longer than a week or two is just making it harder for the children and denying them a good few weeks of their education.

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