Advice for this please?

[Lollllaa]

Put in chat topic for wider audience

DS is 2.5 he’s going through a very stranger danger phase. We have a 6 month old and right before we had her and right after he was a bit nervous about certain environments/places. Would melt down and cling to me / not move and we have no idea why he’s a bit speech delayed but he’s still young so can’t express why he’s had a meltdown (all the environments were different so one was grandparents house one was a new toddler club one was a usual park etc)

There is a family member (DH’s brother) he has since a young age just cried with. We don’t know why, I don’t like it but DH’s family mention it a bit. Like my son can’t help it so why go on? We don’t know why he’s always cried with him , but now he has full blown meltdowns at him won’t look at him and says his name and nooo

it’s his 30th birthday this weekend so we’re invited but I just feel like my poor son will melt down cling to me , everyone will comment and we’ll leave early as I don’t want DS upset. I did say I’d stay at home with the kids but our Hv said at 2 year check when we mentioned to keep exposing him to environments and family , she wasn’t concerned she said she’d be concerned if he was further along the other end of the scale and not nervous around people he doesn’t really see.

nd in fairness this family member even at a young age he’d see like once a month? Once every 2-3 months tbh

So I don’t know if it’s just unfamiliarity ?

but

1. should we go as invited and I leave with kids if DS gets upset
2. should I just not go ? Stay at our home with the kids?

if 1), any tips please ?

It is surprisingly common for kids that age to freak out at a rarely seen aunt or uncle who looks & sounds nearly like mum/dad but is not quite right. It sets off some kind of emotional trigger for "that's the wrong person".

Your child will grow out of it but a big party may not be the right time to learn.

Can you show your child photos and video of uncle and talk about uncle as your DHs brother, good family etc in preparation?

Or just be ready to take him home after a short visit.

Oh my word I didn’t really think of that! It makes complete sense though

And the party isn’t like a big one it’s basically at his and his fiancés house ! Just. Gathering but of course there’ll be a few people there so it’s not just like we’re going to his house
alone

Will try the pics and videos! As tbh my sister lives in a different city. She visits every other month and I’ve always shown pics and videos as I have them on my phone and he adores her so maybe need to apply this to DH brothrr

I'd take the kids and go along but have a few favourite toys and activities like sticker books with you. Say hi when you arrive but settle with DS to play. So you're there but not interacting with the birthday boy and freaking your DS out. Kids find these sort of grown up parties boring (mine did at least). They don't want to chat, they want to play!