What do I want from the counsellor?

[HospitalWoes]

I am really struggling. In the past few years I have suffered some serious physical health problems including (but not limited to) cancer. My father died, my mother is one of those really difficult types (IYKYN) and both my children are suffering mental health problems now too.

I have been referred to a medical psychiatrist - for people suffering from mental health problems related to serious physical health issues - and had my first appointment this week.

One of the things that has caused me stress has been some mistakes made by the hospital that is providing the counselling. There is no question of negligence or legal action; they were just mistakes.

However, the psychiatrist seemed resistant to hearing me talking about my feelings about these and even said specifically that she “wasn’t there to meditate between me and the hospital”. (Which seemed self-evident to me.)

The main thing I was asked was what do I want out of this treatment?

I could not think of an answer. I am desperate, I am stressed, depressed, sometimes despairing. I want help, which is why I’m there, but I have no idea what sort of help I need. I don’t even know what’s available!

It was suggested to me that I might just need someone to vent to, but that’s not the case. I find it unhelpful; it just stresses me out even more. I need someone to help me cope because I cannot cope.

What do I ask for?

Or - I don’t know, but perhaps this is just how it is - is it just that nobody can really help me and I have to either sink or swim? Because I’m sinking, which is why I contacted them (and waited months for an appointment).

Any thoughts appreciated! Please be a bit gentle though. If I knew how to “just get over it” I would.

Anyone? 🙏🏻

Hi . I didn't want to leave you unanswered, but I don't have any wise insight.

I had some help for post natal stuff ( and came on line today to ask an unrelated mental health question myself) - I found the counselling really hard as it wasn't tangible, if you see what I mean. I sort of wanted a "this is how you get through this" guide.

I think your paragraph where you say you are desperate stressed and despairing might be the answer ! Tell them that maybe ?

Good luck

I'd say what you've said here and ask her what sort of style of help she offers. Good luck.

There is a mental health section so may be worth linking this thread there as well.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not surprising you need help and you're doing the right thing by seeking it out.

For your next appointment, it could be helpful to prepare by writing down the specific issues you are struggling with the most - be it anxiety, depression, trauma, difficulty regulating emotions, trouble sleeping, etc. Telling the therapist the symptoms and challenges you most need support with should help them to better understand how to help you.

You could say something like "I'm having a very hard time coping with the compounded stress of my cancer diagnosis, grief over my father's passing, my mother's behavior, and my children's mental health struggles. I'm experiencing severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, etc. I don't need just a venting session - I need guidance on evidence-based therapy techniques and strategies to manage these emotions in a healthier way."

Don't be afraid to explicitly ask what types of therapy they offer and if they feel their approach is the right fit for your needs. Hopefully with the proper support, whether that's cognitive behavioral therapy, grief counseling, mindfulness practices, medication management, or a combination - you can find ways to better cope, heal, and regain your footing. You shouldn't have to just resign yourself to sinking. With help, you'll get through this. I wish you all the courage and strength.