No more babies

[ABitLow]

No question really, I just need somewhere to offload.

I’ve just arranged to give away the last of our baby things, and I’m feeling sad. Youngest is well out of the baby stage now, and we won’t have any more. We haven’t got the storage space for unnecessary big bulky items, and it makes sense to pass them on to someone that will use them. I know all this, all these sensible things, but it still feels sad.

I would love another baby. But DP doesn’t want more, so that is that. It’s been hard trying to come to terms with his decision over the last few years, and I thought I was beginning to edge towards acceptance. But packaging up these things that we will never need again and I feel so sad, sad for the child we won’t meet, and resentful that this hasn’t really been my decision.

I know I am incredibly lucky to have the two beautiful children that I have, and I try to pour all my attention into the children I have, rather than the one that will never be. But tonight I just feel a bit shit.

Sorry, as I said, no question here. I just needed a place to say it.

I hear you. I was in the very same situation. I’ll be honest, it did cause a little sadness in my marriage for a time. I was sad and resentful, he felt defensive. But not to the extent where it caused a proper rift. We got past it. I came to see that two DC was actually right for us. A third would have really changed the dynamic of the family. Now that my two are late teens and both needing a fair bit of support right now for various reasons, I’m very glad there isn’t another one to worry about.

But even so, I read a thread on here yesterday in which a woman of my age (46) has found out she is pregnant and I found myself feeling jealous! For a split second I wondered if I could still be fertile.

Be gentle with yourself. It’s ok to feel how you feel, and it will pass eventually (or you will at least get used to it and sometimes that’s the best we can hope for). 💐

Thank you.

I think it has damaged the relationship. I’m hurt that we’re not pulling in the same direction, but there is nothing to be gained by leaving. Separation wouldn’t fix anything, so I just try not to be too bitter.

I can’t even fault his decision really, it is sensible and practical and logical. I know all his reasons and they are all sound.

It is time to let the big bulky things go. I’ve got small keepsakes, a million photographs, and my lovely (not so small) children. I know I am lucky really.

I only have one as I lost our second and then he left me! I was then single for many years and I'm too old now (as far as I'm concerned, anyway). I feel guilt every time I see my DD playing on her own... Obviously I play with her but I know she wishes she had a sibling. Anyway, my point is that by the sounds of it, you have multiple children and are so blessed. Some women can’t have any.

As for the woman who is pregnant at 46 - she's going to be 50 when her child starts school and turning 60 before they've even finished high school! This was me. My parents were in their 40s when they had me and I ended up losing them in my early 20s. It's staggeringly & mystifyingly selfish.