Possibly pregnant - DP doesn’t want a second DC

[OnTheDrive]

Our DS has ASD - he’s 3 and a bit of a handful. Long road to conceive him, fertility treatment and he has had lots of health complications since his birth so it’s been full on.

Miscarried last year - it was a septic miscarriage so very serious, I was hospitalised for a month.

We began ttc again around 6 months ago. I’ve gotten a faint positive today and yesterday. My DP has now announced he has changed his mind about having a second child, but didn’t know how to tell me.

I feel completely blindsided - I take fertility meds and have been touching base with him prior to commencing the course of meds each month. I’m not unreasonable to talk to. Yes, I want another child but I would never have been trying for another child if I knew his heart was not in it. I’ve told him that as much as I want to give DS a sibling, it’s a joint decision and commitment.

His reasons are finances and having another child with complex needs - I completely understand these concerns and even if I didn’t, his worries are his worries. I’m absolutely devastated to be honest.

Any advice or guidance?

Did he tell you this before or after getting the positive result?

If after, it’s very normal to get cold feet, a sudden ‘shot what have I done’ ‘how will we cope’ type of feelings. I would let things settle for a few days / weeks.

If before, well then it’s a different conversation, of its happened, now what.

@FawnFrenchieMum Thankyou for replying. He told me a few hours after I got the potential positive. I asked how he was feeling and he blurted out he had decided in the last 5-6 weeks he no longer wanted a second child..

Well it's a bit late now isn't it? Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted

Well it’s a bit late now isn’t it. I’d be really upset.
im sorry I don’t know what practical advice to give but in my opinion he has to man up now and take responsibility if you are pregnant and you want to continue.

Well that's shit, to not even tell you he felt that way. Guess that makes the pregnancy "your fault" then, given that he "didn't want it anyway". How cruel and cowardly of him.

Also - didn't know how to tell you!! Did he not think that a tactful gentle conversation might have been less painful than impregnating you and then telling you he didn't want another kid? I really hate some of the men I hear about on here sometimes.

As much as I would love another child, I would never willingly have been actively trying to conceive if I didn’t think he was fully committed.
I feel like he’s just dumped this on me completely out of the blue and is trying to make me feel guilty now because he ‘didn’t know how to bring it up’.
we’re currently on holiday and I thought it would be so lovely to tell him, knowing we have a few days together with our DS. Instead it’s turned into this weird heavy atmosphere.