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Original poster

Taking someone for a birthday surprise and I don’t want then to see prices - what do I do?

43 replies

may2724 · 10/06/2024 12:48

Not sure where to put this thread so hopefully I will get responses from here

I’m taking my friend for lunch at a restaurant to eat a unusual and special 3 course with drink pairings so we don’t need really the menu on the table as I will be the one choosing (they never ate that kind of food before and wouldn’t know what / how to order - foreign restaurant) so even if the menu comes to the table I will order everything because I know the best combinations.
Mostly important I don’t want them to see the price and I don’t want the bill to come to the table as it is a gift.

How do I communicate this to the restaurant without my friend knowing as we will arrive together?

Is there something that I should arrange before arriving?
My idea is go to the ladies and then speak to someone / leave the payiment card behind by the till?

Any ideas please?

OP posts:
WhatWouldJeevesDo · 10/06/2024 12:56

I think you need to make sure your friend understands the set up then probably send a written message (email or whatever they use) to the restaurant and follow up with a phone call. Or call in and speak to someone if that’s possible.

ScottBakula · 10/06/2024 13:05

Some restaurants do priceless menus , it would be worth ringing them in advance to ask.

Re you choosing your friends food and drink with no imput from them , I am afraid I wouldn't like that at all.
By all means advice them , tell them what you think works together butdon't force it.
I had a meal spoilt years ago by someone insisting that I should have white wine with the meal I was having.
I do not like white wine at all , but apparently they knew better.

Jeezitneverends · 10/06/2024 13:07

Speak to the premises before you go and ask for a menu to be printed without prices-I’ve done this and it was no issue

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MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 10/06/2024 13:07

I had s meal spoilt years ago by someone insisting that I should have white wine with the meal I was having, I do not like white wine at all ,but apparently they knew better

Ewww yes. 'Ladies like sweet white wine, so we'll have that one, please.' No they don't. Not this one, anyway.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 10/06/2024 13:08

I will be the one choosing (they never ate that kind of food before and wouldn’t know what / how to order - foreign restaurant)

Make absolutely certain your friend is OK with this. I'd walk out.

No3387 · 10/06/2024 13:10

Even in a new restaurant i would want to order my own choice of food.

You need to make sure this friend is okay with this.

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/06/2024 13:11

Speak to the resturant beforehand. And agree with everyone else - I don't care if you know what goes with what etc, it's rude to order for someone. I'll pick my own food thank you very much!

Marblessolveeverything · 10/06/2024 13:12

I would be very disappointed to be brought somewhere to have a new dining experience and someone order for me. That would strike me as really controlling and infantasising. By all means if they ask for your advice go ahead with recommendations.

The one person who tried this with me wasn't in my company for dinner since.

ScottBakula · 10/06/2024 13:13

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain , we can share a full bodied red 🍷

LateDecemberLove · 10/06/2024 13:14

Why does it matter if they see the pricing? I've been for meals totally expecting to pay my share (family/friends not dates) and when the other party pays and says its their treat I am so grateful for the gesture. I dont see how me not knowing the prices would change that.

In this situation though I'd like to order my own food and more to the point - see the prices so I'm aware of what I will be paying as I would be unaware you're paying. I'm not in a situation where I could order anything and not worry about cost if that makes sense.

StripedTomatoes · 10/06/2024 13:16

I agree with PP, does it really matter? Presumably your friend knows upfront that the meal is on you? Even if the bill is brought to the table you can surely swipe it away and say it's your treat.

DappledThings · 10/06/2024 13:19

Does the person know how much you're planning to patronise her and order for her? And that she's being taken out and has no say in how much is being spent on her? I think that would make most people very uncomfortable on both counts.

But if you're determined then you just look at the menu yourself and tell the waking staff when they come round to only bring one menu. Then when the bill comes just pick it up right away. It always comes folded or in a folder so the total is never instantly visible.

boredsolicitor · 10/06/2024 13:21

I'd feel
Uncomfortable with any fuss around it . Better in my view to let grown ups order their own food and then just pick up the bill at the end and pay - you can just say ' my treat' and job done

KennaThomas · 10/06/2024 13:21

It's a sweet gesture but unsure of taking away autonomy from your friend "because you know the best combinations".
I know this isn't your intention but it comes across as controlling because you're "paying" for this meal.

You can tell your friend upfront that you're paying as it's a treat/present at the start and please let her choose her own food/own combination even though it might not be "the best".

I can't think of any situation where I'd be happy if someone took that autonomy from me unless it was like a tasting menu type scenario where the chef/restaurant decided the options and combinations.

You can ask for a priceless menu (call ahead to request) and you can ask them to hand the bill to you directly.

I hope you have a lovely time with your friend.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 10/06/2024 13:21

Just be normal about it. It's your treat, you can help her choose but not dictate, you pick up the bill as soon as it hits the table.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 10/06/2024 13:21

ScottBakula · 10/06/2024 13:13

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain , we can share a full bodied red 🍷

Oh yeah. Or a nice dry white (all for me as you don't like them) 😃

I will be the one choosing (they never ate that kind of food before and wouldn’t know what / how to order - foreign restaurant) so even if the menu comes to the table I will order everything because I know the best combinations

I would be very, very annoyed if someone did that to me. The first time I had Thai food (early 1980s, Thai wasn't a big thing then) we went to the Good Earth and a friend who knew about Thai food guided us through the menu ("this is spicy, this is really hot and spicy" sort of thing) but left us to make our own choices.

It's rude on your part to think of doing that. What if you choose what they don't want to eat?

Peclet · 10/06/2024 13:23

Call ahead and ask the restaurant to print a menu with no costs on it. Ask them about pre payment.

At the start of the meal, announce this is my treat to you, if you need any recommendations with what to have let me know. Say, there is a wine paring with this, which I would like to do, what do you think?

Give your card to the restaurant for payment upon arrival. If your companion insists on paying, suggest they take you for a coffee or a drink afterwards at another venue?

Do not order for them, do not force wine on them they may not like.

I have done wine pairings and tasting menus and chefs tables. So lovely! Have a wonderful meal.

ScottBakula · 10/06/2024 13:32

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain yep you can have all the white wine , I actually would prefer a pint of Guinness

( >>>sneaks off to the bar <<< )

Bobbotgegrinch · 10/06/2024 13:34

I'd be really annoyed if someone did this to me. I want to be able to order what I want.

NeedWineNow · 10/06/2024 13:44

To be honest OP the whole tone of your email comes across as patronising and controlling. By all means suggest best combinations, but if I was being taken for a meal and then not even allowed to look at the menu whether I was familiar with the food/restaurant for not, then that's a no from me.

Preparetoturnright · 10/06/2024 13:59

I will be the one choosing (they never ate that kind of food before and wouldn’t know what / how to order - foreign restaurant) so even if the menu comes to the table I will order everything because I know the best combinations

I would hate this with every fibre of my being.
Don't be surprised if your friend has a shit time.

Original poster
may2724 · 10/06/2024 14:08

Thanks

Let me clarify, sorry this info was missing from the OP

Friend and I (BF actually) have looked at the menu countless times before and it is his desire to go there and we spoke at length what we should get / not get - drink / not drink etc

He craves going there and he tried to take me there a few times but I refused because I want to be the one who will take him there (he doesn't know that) - it is a restaurant from my home country so he wants to go with me so I can choose everything for him

It is an upscale restaurant and he has seen the prices but I just don't want to the bill coming to the able and the awkwardness of me pulling my card out

OP posts:
DappledThings · 10/06/2024 14:11

It is an upscale restaurant and he has seen the prices but I just don't want to the bill coming to the able and the awkwardness of me pulling my card out
But that isn't awkward. It's a standard thing at any meal regardless of whether it's being split or one person is paying.

Original poster
may2724 · 10/06/2024 14:12

Peclet · 10/06/2024 13:23

Call ahead and ask the restaurant to print a menu with no costs on it. Ask them about pre payment.

At the start of the meal, announce this is my treat to you, if you need any recommendations with what to have let me know. Say, there is a wine paring with this, which I would like to do, what do you think?

Give your card to the restaurant for payment upon arrival. If your companion insists on paying, suggest they take you for a coffee or a drink afterwards at another venue?

Do not order for them, do not force wine on them they may not like.

I have done wine pairings and tasting menus and chefs tables. So lovely! Have a wonderful meal.

Thank you, will do that

He already know I'm treating him for his birthday but he doesn't know where and it will be a huge surprise as the place has been on his bucket list for a long time but he wants to go with me because I know what to order and he will trust my judgement on that

Of course he can order something else if he doesn't lie what I choose but I doubt

OP posts:
Original poster
may2724 · 10/06/2024 14:17

DappledThings · 10/06/2024 14:11

It is an upscale restaurant and he has seen the prices but I just don't want to the bill coming to the able and the awkwardness of me pulling my card out
But that isn't awkward. It's a standard thing at any meal regardless of whether it's being split or one person is paying.

It will be awkward for him because he has a lot more money that I do and treats me all the time and I want to give it back somehow. For his birthday. It will be pricey and he will feel awkward. He will know it isn't going to be cheap as he has seen the menu before but I don't want him to see numbers at the table. Of course afterwards he can go online and calculate everything if he wants to.
But maybe I'm just being silly.

OP posts: