How to handle activities etc for exchange student

[Stopsnowing]

We have an exchange student coming soo for two weeks and then my DD will be going to stay with her in a quiet area in Germany. They are both 16. The student has never been abroad before.
Parents in both families will be mainly working. We live in London so there are a lot of things to see and do that are free but also it can get expensive if you do things with entrance fees. Where my daughter will be going there won’t be much to do.
I had been planning a mix of free things in London that the girls could do together (days in Covent Garden, Greenwich, S Ken museums etc ) plus maybe a bus tour and then on my days off take them to Oxford, Windsor Castle etc and my mother was also keen to take the girls For a day out eg to a national trust place.
DD has been communicating with the girl via WhatsApp and there has been some communication with both families on a joint group. I was about to message on the joint family group to let them know what I had in mind.
DD has said that the girl wants to just do things in Central London and maybe a day trip to Brighton and not do anything with my mother (and probably me but she didn’t say!) as it will be embarrassing and boring.

She said they also wanted to go to theme park as this girl had never been to one before. I said I didn’t have money for a theme park for her let alone both of them.
My view is that my Dd and the girl should be prepared to do some days out as part of the family (we are taking about three or four maximum) My Dd thinks they should just do what the girl wants to do.
I feel a bit like we could end up being used as a hotel when what I had in mind was a traditional language exchange where the girl spends time with the family but if my ideas for days out are rejected that is fine too. I have a lot of money worries so in a way it would be easier and cheaper to not organise days out and leave them to sort themselves out. I will pay for a travel card and give them packed lunches.
What I can’t do is pay for whatever the girl wants to do and I can’t even really afford to pay just for my dd’s entrance tickets etc.
And I don’t want the student to do things by herself partly because of safety and partly because I don’t think it is in the spirit of an exchange.
I guess my view was I would pay for anything I organised or suggested and that the student would bring money for souvenirs.
I could plan some great low cost itineraries but I guess I could just let them plan their own days but I suspect it would involve a lot of a hanging around in London which can get expensive if they want to do certain things.
I think I will let the girl’s parents know that if she wants we can do x,y,z. And otherwise they can explore London alone with a packed lunch and travel card. I really don’t want to end up paying for loads of entrance fees even just for my daughter. And I don’t want the student to do things by herself. Does that sound reasonable and if so how should I word it to the other family?

“the girl wants to just do things in Central London and maybe a day trip to Brighton and not do anything with my mother (and probably me but she didn’t say!) as it will be embarrassing and boring”

😧

Bugger that - you’re hosting and it sounds like you’ve planned an amazing itinerary. She does what you’ve planned, or like you say they explore London by themselves.

Is she coming with a school or language organisation? If either of those, then I'd expect the majority of activities and excursions to be already in place with a couple of "time with the host family" periods.

If not, have you been given any written guidelines of what's expected from the exchange?

Part of my job is organising this kind of thing, and trust me they all "want to hang out in London" in huge groups buying tat from Oxford Street. That's never the only thing they are told is going to happen, and never what their parents are sending them to the UK for.

Hi OP.

Is the exchange a school-organised thing? The school usually plans an agenda for the students in this instance, plus there is a group of them staying with families.

Either way - you're not expected to find a whole fornight of travel experiences.

When we had an exchange stufent, we went out for a family meal once, took the girls to Westfield (and picked up later), and for the rest of that time, acted as a taxi.

There was no real interest in culture from the students - it was more of any adventure for them to be away and having a good time with other youngsters.

It is not an organised exchange and there won’t be a larger group of then to meet up with. I have participated in several exchanges as a child, host international students (the local language school organises their activities but I see the kind of things they do for them) lived in LonDon for many years and also abroad.
DD is shy and so I thought a plan for the two weeks with a mix of things to do would be helpful all round. I guess I would treat the student the way I would like dd to be treated eg make the most of London etc. i thought it would also help dd if there was a plan rather than having to work out how to entertain someone she doesn’t know for two weeks!

I think I will let the parents know what is on offer so the option is there and just put my foot down about funding anything else.

At sixteen I would just let them get on with it, to be honest. I would offer them a lift or to take them for a day out to X town at the weekends but otherwise they're old enough and capable enough to sort things themselves, I would have thought.

If I'm honest I can understand that two 16 year olds may not think that a day out to a national trust place with a grandparent sounds fun. Although if it was my child I would expect them to accept politely if this was offered. However my experience with teens makes me think it was quite possibly your daughter that declared this boring and placed the blame on the visitor!

I would wait until she is here and let them have a couple of days doing their own thing and then maybe introduce the idea of a day trip once the novelty of it has worn off a bit.

Kellogg's used to do 2 for 1 tickets to theme parks on their cereals.

Does your daughter have any of her own money she could use to pay for her own ticket if the visitor pays for her own?

Yes I get that National Trust is dull but my mum has offered to have them that day When I am doing a double shift and she was really looking forward to taking them out and she has membership! DD should frankly appreciate that in two weeks they maybe don’t get to do what they want every day! Will look out 241 theme park things. Haven’t seen one recently.

Tbh I don't blame them for not wanting my to go to a national trust site with grandma at 16 when the student is only here for a short time. But they can pay for/entertain themselves.

OP, they're sixteen years old. Maybe you need to speak to your mum and ask her to arrange something more age-appropriate.

I have a history mad DD but I think taking her and a friend to a NT place (and we are member) would only work if it is something really exciting. I can't recall any which would fit the bill around London. Maybe Knole but that's it.

I think I would leave them mainly to themselves. I would maybe run some ideas past the parents but there is no point in dragging a teen around who doesn't want to. I know several 16 years old who aren't interested in history and paying a fortune in entry fees is just pointless, you can better save your money for Thorpe Park.