Does anyone else feel they wasted life's opportunities?

[dryplace]

This is a complete self indulgent naval gaze. But does anyone else feel like they could have achieved so much more in their life? I'm 61.

I was fortunate to be born to two loving parents from good families, both university educated. I had a very comfortable upbringing, detached house in the suburbs, holidays overseas when people didn't really go. I went to a good day school and then a fairly posh boarding school.

Parents had high expectations as my elder sister had won a place to read law at Cambridge. I went off the rails. Smoking, drinking, truancy, amongst other things... I flunked all of my exams and had low contact with my family from 18-21 where I went travelling and lived in a flat with friends partying.

I then realised I needed to sort myself out, and went to night school, got a degree, a semi-professional job, met my lovely husband, had two great clever kids. I've had a nice life, no major stress, holidays, decent but small home. Kids have done well, and I've been happy. I've now retired early.

But I can't help but feel I've wasted life's opportunities. I was equally (or am) as clever as my sister, who has made an absolute shed load of money in her life. Had an interest career across the globe, and has kids who have been set up with no uni fees and each given a healthy property deposit.

My kids on the other hand have done very well for themselves (same path as my sister) but have struggled financially and didn't really have a good time at the local school.

Not a posh background like you op, but everyone I knew that left school straight into work is well off now - all mortgage free, some retired to Cornwall, most living their best lives in their 50s with holidays and endless leisure time and able to help their DC out.

I did what I thought was the right thing for a bright WC girl - went to uni, then into a professional job which I left to be a SAHM when the children came along. Me and my DH are still grafting in high pressure jobs, high mortgage, no savings and nothing to give our kids. We’ll be working until we retire.

Thankfully the DC are doing well but I feel the same as you, so many things I could’ve done that would’ve meant we were in a better position now. It doesn’t help that everyone I know seems to have done better…

"Wasted life's opportunities" - no regrets

This is the bit that jumps out at me OP: where I went travelling and lived in a flat with friends partying

I read that thinking good on you girl! You don't get those years back. I had a similar upbringing but got my degree and got a job but it was poor pay and I really struggled trying to make a career in an industry that was on the decline at the time. The weight of my family expectation was huge and I resented it. It got me nowhere in the end, I moved to another industry after it nearly broke me and had to start over. I was literally on a graduate entry programme at 29. I wish I had thrown caution to the wind a bit more and gone travelling. I was so determined to be financially independent that I never got enough cash together to take that time, my parents could have helped but were so controlling and I wanted to prove I could do it all. A few years later I was a SAHM, my low salary didn't justify childcare fees and I was so junior I had no flexibility.

Like you, I have a nice life now but question my own loss of potential. I was that kid at school full of promise, both clever and pretty but i became a 20 something who was overweight in a dead end job. I make peace by thinking of the decisions I made were right at the time and hindsight is 20 20 vision and all that. I actually think the issue you and I both have is guilt. We were lucky people but didn't excel, we had huge expectations on our shoulders from birth and feel like a failure by comparison. When in fact when you put it into perspective, we are still very fortunate and in someone else's eyes we are successful.

You cannot change the past

If you feel that you are missing out on something, why cannot you make plans to do something for yourself now or in the near future ?

Start planning

Yeah, does a bit. 😭

I was expecting a different life story from you than that in the OP. By most definitions of success you've done well. You seem to mainly equate success with money, so maybe try and define success a bit differently.

I haven't achieved a fraction of what you have, career or familywise, and am in my 50s. I'm OK about it. I had high academic potential that I haven't fulfilled, at all. I also don't have a partner or children. But I also recognise that I made decisions as I went through life that made sense to me at the time, and those decisions came about because of my personality and early life experiences, so my direction was pretty much hard-wired into me by adulthood.

I still have ambitions, but they are mainly creative, to be a good friend, and to try to ensure a decent, peaceful retirement for myself.

Yup. Married straight out of uni and into a life of low income and kids. Am now 60,still paying off a mortgage on a flat. Best years gone and not much to show for it.

Yes I feel like I could’ve done so much more and been in a better place than I am now. Most of my friends and ex classmates are better off than I am. I went to college and got an IT degree but never used it as I let personal situations /emotions and my mothers opinions influence my decisions. Now I’m alone, not doing well financially, not living the life I thought I would be in my 50s.

it really makes me sad and regretful so I try to act like I’m happy the where I am in life when it’s not really true

however OP you actually have the life I wanted, so I’m jealous. Interesting how someone’s regrets can seem like another’s wishes/dreams 😊

Screamingabdabz

Same as you WC girl, worked hard, uni, job, two kids, SAHM, job

DH same

Working hard, doing what 'expected' no idea when we can retire and worry for DC (both doing well but will be saddled with Uni debt etc)

I feel the same. I could have achieved a lot more, but my priority was as a single parent for 4 children. No regrets that way- but now 50- and... what now?

OP - you’ve achieved a lot in your life- I’d be happy with that!

Fast forward yourself 20 years and think about what your regrets will be? 60 will seem young to you by then, what opportunities will you have wished you'd taken in the previous 20 years?

I'm seriously thinking of packing it all in, getting a van and travelling, I can't afford it but then the other option is to just carry on working, paying the mortgage until I eventually retire and then still have no money, but I'll probably being too unfit to travel by then.