Can a friendship last when one friend is much wealthier

[Richfriendpoorfriend]

I'm the poor friend. I'm not trying to "keep up with the Joneses" as I can't but it's getting to me. I don't want to feel resentful but the gap between us is widening and differences are now showing. I feel that money is giving access for her children to opportunities that mine won't have and I feel like we're growing apart gradually as I'm just not in the same place financially.

I can't afford to do for example weekend breaks or spa days that I've been asked on. I have to step back subtly from group invites I can't afford like gigs with expensive tickets (Taylor Swift won't be happening for me. I'll just wear a cowboy hat at home!). I drive an old banger car and wear cheap clothes. I feel like I look noticeably "cheaper" too. Maybe it's in my head but I worry that the gap is growing ever wider and we won't be able to continue without my feeling on the back foot all the time.

Can a friendship endure despite a lack of financial parity?

Definitely

One of my closest friends I did NCT with. Her ds is at Eton. I'm a single mum. But we have so many interests in common and she's happiest out on the farm in wellies. We both run and bake. It's not a case of keeping up. She's happy eating lemon drizzle cake in my kitchen.

My best friend of 55 years is way, way wealthier than me. We went to all the same schools together and started working at the same company when we left school. She stayed there, reached director level and retired on a massive pension in her mid fifties.
I buggered around, moved away, went to uni as a mature student, married and had children. I am divorced now and she is in a happy relationship but never married or had children.
None of it matters one jot. We love each other. She was my bridesmaid, is Godmother to my son and is the best and truest friend anyone could wish for.
And we live 200 miles apart (until I go 'home' sometime in the next few years).

@Mammacita1 your friend sounds absolutely bloody awesome!

I do think if people have come from a "normal" background, worked their way up and as you say, know the value of a pound, it can be easier to maintain friendships. They will have an appreciation of where you're coming from when you say no to stuff.

People who have never known what it's like to budget and never had to think if they can afford something, need to have a good sense of self awareness and willingness to compromise and not judge anyone who can't afford the things they want to do.

And the "poorer" friend needs to know they are worth more in a friendship that what they can afford to do. They can bring so much more to a friendship than expensive activities out.

it is possible but the rich friend just has to keep quiet about their money.

I am the poor friend and the rich friend. My rich friend doesn’t mention money, and we can do stuff together.

for my poor friends I meet them in cheap places and buy the drinks / food. I don’t talk about holiday or what I have bought (unless asked). They prob have no idea how much money we have and that is 100% how I want to keep it. In order to go away with them I have paid the lion’s share of stuff.

It’s not the money - it’s the Person and how they choose to behave.

Yes absolutely and I agree with the previous poster that it's about the person and not how much money they have. So long as the 'rich' one doesn't throw her money around or is boastful .. and the 'poor' one isn't envious then it can work fine. I have friends who are both a lot wealthier and a lot poorer than me but none of us let it affect our friendship.

I go on holiday once a year with a 'rich' friend, this is my only holiday (bar visiting family) and I thoroughly enjoy it .. my friend goes on multiple holidays, weekends away etc ... I genuinely wouldn't want to do that but I can see she enjoys it and she knows I enjoy my lifestyle. She never suggests expensive holidays, I am sure she could and does pay a lot more for her holidays than we do for our 'joint' holiday but it's never an issue.

I agree with others, it’s very hard to maintain. It’s easier when they’re older, as they’ve been far more exposed to more facets of life and have an understanding of money to a degree and jobs/the idea that some pay more than others etc. So they’ll understand family X has more/less and it won’t be mentioned. When they’re young, they don’t so there will be constant questions.

We have tried to maintain friendships and honestly we end up funding the other family to ‘even things up’ discretely - but that too shifts the dynamic.

My best friend out earns me by at least double, if not more. She will always get a round of drinks as a treat or if we are getting our nails done, will pay for mine without me knowing until I go to pay. Lots of kind, generous things that I really do appreciate. We went to the theatre with my DD and she went and bought my DD a doll and sweets for the show that I wouldn't have been able to justify.

She's been my best friend for almost 20 years.