Elderly Hoarding Neighbour - how do I understand/help

[mysparkleismissing]

Hello All,

We have a neighbour, she's in her late 70s with limited mobility - she has family but they don't talk (complicated relationship) and the have limited contact.
I offered her some her with errands/shopping in the bad weather a couple of years ago - and we now do her shopping every week.

She sometimes asks us for lifts to doctors or help hanging washing out, etc.

We had to call the paramedics out a few months ago as she fell and we couldn't help her get up and they've logged a request for some support to get her house in order - not sure she's heard anything about that yet but she then reached out to me to ask for some help in sorting her house a bit as it is cluttered and it isn't helping her mental health.

She has a lot of STUFF in her house and although we've done some work to help it be less of a danger underfoot for her to get around a bit safer its still a big project.

I find it hard to understand as I'm not sentimental at all, I don't hold onto items 'just in case' or because it reminds me of a moment in time.

She wouldn't let me take a kettle to the charity shop at the weekend because she wanted a spare - she already has 2 spare kettles.
She doesn't want to let go of old clothes that are 4 sizes too small.

At the weekend I went to help her when she asked, I wait for her to ask me when she's ready for some help and let her take the lead as much as I can, she said she keeps all this stuff cos she doesn't speak to her family.

She is really grateful for the help with her shopping and with the help tidying up.

I LOVE the programme sort out your life* *and I am trying to be sympathetic and understanding but I wondered if any of you wise ones could share any insight at all.

Thanks for reading.

Hoarding is a severe mental health condition, on the lines of OCD. Contact the local fire service, they’ve got schemes to provide safety advice and ensure she’s not a risk to herself, if she is a risk they’ll contact the safeguarding team/complete a multi agency referral.

You're being very patient and are incredibly kind to help her. This sort of hoarding difficult to deal with as it is a mental health issue. You could suggest she donates some things to help others as she may see being helpful herself as a reason to let go of some of the stuff. If it is seriously become a issue of safety, I think you nay need advice from Citizens Advice before going down the social services route. Good luck!!

I used to care for a couple of elderly hoarders. You had to climb through the hall to get to about 2 feet square of space in the kitchen and try to wash/dress them... and then prepare food. It was exhausting and the smell used to make me heave - they hoarded everything from food to absolute rubbish that they would pick out of skips. There was nothing of financial value at all, other than some tragic value to them. This went on for about 5 months until one of them fell and then SS swooped in and they were both forced to leave the house on grounds of safety. The family were beyond exhausted having spent 20 years trying to deal with them both. The house actually had subsidence from the damage they'd done... and was declared structurally unsafe to live in.

Truthfully, I'd go very carefully especially if she has family. Do her shopping, give lifts but don't even go there with the hoard.

Lizzie - that sounds awful. All these people stating you need to contact the Fire Brigade and CAB.

The elderly person needs to agree and they very often don’t and then what??

With my Father he just didn’t do cleaning and clearing up after himself. Couldn’t be bothered. Imagine this over 50 years and you have complete chaos. He lived on his own which was his choice and it worked out in a terrible way.

I understand that you care and want to help. You are being very kind and supportive.
However you say that her family are not in contact, so I would urge you to be careful. When this lady dies, you can be sure the family will come out of the woodwork and lay claim to their 'inheritance'. And they will knitpick about items they 'know' she had... and you may well find yourself being asked questions.
I am not trying to discourage your kindness, but be aware that it might come back to bite you.