Any tips on how not to get so stressed and anxious when visitors are coming ???

[uni0]

I hate that I'm like this. I want to be cool and relaxed but I find it all so stressful, how can I overcome this? We have people coming this weekend and I'm stressed about food and the house and everything

Why is it overwhelming you? You need to work out the specifics to find out the solutions. Do you like the people coming?

Is it the housework? Could you get some help with that - either from family or paid?

If you just don't like it, do you have to do it? I appreciate it's probably too late for this lot, but in future?

I think I worry about it all being perfect and I know it doesn't need to be! It means I'm stressy when they get here and not my normal self which is what I don't like.

I want to like people coming but maybe I need to accept that I'm just not good at it.

It's worse when my family come for a get together because they have big houses and are better at hosting than I am so I guess I'm intimidated it's ridiculous I know

Write a list of what you would like to get done before they arrive. Then order the list in terms of importance.
Write another list of what food you want to serve at each meal. Then add any snacks or drinks you want to have on hand. If you are going to eat at a restaurant add it onto the list so you remember to make reservations and/or dont forget it is part of the plan

stick the lists on your fridge and take a photo on your phone, then start doing the jobs

A plan makes everything less stressful

Are they your friends? Why should they judge you? Think about when you go to stay with friends - are you examining every corner for dust and silently judging what they serve! Unlikely! Most friends staying at their friends are delighted to be away from the grind and have someone cooking for them. Think positively! Just give everything the once over and make sure the bedding bathroom and kitchen is clean and you don’t have to go overboard with the food. I’d be happy with supermarket pizzas and salad if it meant the host wasn’t stressed!

When you go and visit friends and family are you constantly judging them and wondering why everything isn’t picture perfect? No you’re not and people are doing it to you either. As long as your house isn’t at hoarder level messy and you have bugs crawling on the side from dirt, people do not care. A bit of dust on your skirting boards isn’t going to make someone run for the the hills and anyone visiting is just glad to be in your company. You’re human, give yourself a break.

maybe pare back on your expectations - as long as bedding and bathroom and kitchen are clean and that there is coffee tea and plenty of milk then that’s the basics covered. If you trying to be the perfect host it is too much stress. Get other people involved in the preparations and just remember it is probably the company that guests will enjoy most of all. I know it’s hard but try to enjoy yourself as well

Gin.

I think that some people are natural hosts and others just aren't. I fall into the latter category. I'm not a bad host, but I find it difficult to relax. Depends on who I'm hosting of course as to level of how relaxed I am, but things are just different when you have guests. I think I'd rather be a guest in someone else's house. I make a better guest than host.

I feel for you OP. I have the same anxieties whenever anyone comes. I’d love to be relaxed and go with the flow, but it just never happens.

If they’re staying over, there’s worrying about beds, towels, bathrooms etc and then the laundry afterwards.

I'm happy to have visitors but I generally leave prep to the last minute which adds stress! I do make a list of everything I need to do, which I find helpful, then I try and spread out doing it in the week leading up to it.

I plan easy meals and over-cater for food, we often don't need it but I feel happier and can always eat it after they've gone.

My top tip is to have a list of things that we could do during their visit, places to visit (plus an idea of cafés/places to eat when there), events that are on etc - so I already have suggestions and then they can pick what they fancy. I hate having to think of ideas on the spot. I have a list in my phone, so I can reuse it for different visitors.

In my experience, people just enjoy not having to make decisions or cook for a weekend, my visitors are thankfully quite chilled, I can't imagine they'd judge a bit of dust as long as it's generally clean!

Let go of things being perfect. As a visitor the things I care about are that the bathroom and kitchen are clean and if you have a pet that moults a lot that the place has been vacuumed. All of that can be done in a couple of hours.

I like food that I can do prep for in advance like lasagne if you'll actually welcome some peace in the kitchen for a couple of hours, cook a roast.

I do understand and I get a bit agitated about having visitors but as time goes on I'm learning that my house is how it is and I don't mind people choosing not to visit again if it doesn't suit them.

Oh thanks so much for all this reassurance. It's made me feel so much better !

I'm getting more like this as I'm getting older and it's horrible when you can't get a handle on the stress.. One thing that helps me is using the slow cooker for meals - it really takes the pressure off. Xx

@uni0 , do your best to make your home comfy for your guests. That’s it really, clearly you’re not a clean and tidy freak and that’s ok. I hope your friend has their priorities straight.