I can’t get this off my mind lately. I was single about 10 years ago and met up with an FWB under the impression we would have sex. We were both clear that’s why we were meeting, however on the day I came onto my period and didn’t want to do anything but thought I’d go over anyway to see him and maybe we could just hang out for a bit. (Young, foolish, liked him).
When I got there he pinned me down (initially in a playful way) and I said no, I’m on my period, I don’t want to anymore, sorry. He then kept holding me down until I got serious, pushed him off and said no I didn’t want to. It shook me up a bit.
He did eventually let me get up, but said that I wouldn’t be leaving until I went down on him, I owed him etc. I didn’t want to, but didn’t feel like I had a choice, I just wanted to leave. I said if that’s what I had to do, I would. He was a big guy, kept blocking the door.
I did it and cried the whole way home, and never told anyone. I’m now married, have a DD and I still think about that day and it upsets me. Was it SA or was I stupid for going over? I knew what he was expecting. He didn’t technically ‘force’ me, but I told him I didn’t want to do it. I still feel violated, but I did it off my own back?
Honestly I hate myself a bit for it.