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Was this sexual assault?

10 replies

Ginspirational · 06/06/2024 17:49

I can’t get this off my mind lately. I was single about 10 years ago and met up with an FWB under the impression we would have sex. We were both clear that’s why we were meeting, however on the day I came onto my period and didn’t want to do anything but thought I’d go over anyway to see him and maybe we could just hang out for a bit. (Young, foolish, liked him).

When I got there he pinned me down (initially in a playful way) and I said no, I’m on my period, I don’t want to anymore, sorry. He then kept holding me down until I got serious, pushed him off and said no I didn’t want to. It shook me up a bit.

He did eventually let me get up, but said that I wouldn’t be leaving until I went down on him, I owed him etc. I didn’t want to, but didn’t feel like I had a choice, I just wanted to leave. I said if that’s what I had to do, I would. He was a big guy, kept blocking the door.

I did it and cried the whole way home, and never told anyone. I’m now married, have a DD and I still think about that day and it upsets me. Was it SA or was I stupid for going over? I knew what he was expecting. He didn’t technically ‘force’ me, but I told him I didn’t want to do it. I still feel violated, but I did it off my own back?

Honestly I hate myself a bit for it.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 06/06/2024 17:52

Yes, it was sexual assault. He coerced you into performing a sex act when he knew you didn't want to.

I'm so sorry. Blaming yourself is a trauma response, it's really common to feel like that - but this absolutely wasn't your fault.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 06/06/2024 17:54

Yes, it was and you have nothing to hate yourself for. You did absolutely nothing wrong but he did, he assaulted you.

Canuck48 · 06/06/2024 17:55

I agree it was sexual assault. You said no very firmly. He said you couldn’t leave without doing xyz and blocked your way. You didn’t willingly participate. You were fearful for your safety.

He was abusive, manipulative and using his bigger size to take advantage of you.

So wrong and I am so sorry you went through that.

Ginspirational · 06/06/2024 17:59

Thank you, you’ve all made me cry. I have blamed myself for years and never told anyone. I still kick myself for going over that day.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 06/06/2024 18:21

Oh, love. He coerced you. He used his greater size and strength to threaten and intimidate. You said no and he ignored you. He sexually assaulted you. This was not your fault.

PurpleBugz · 06/06/2024 18:24

Definitely SA I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Damnloginpopup · 06/06/2024 19:26

100%. You went over abd were very clear it wasn't on for that occasion .He then forced you to give him oral that you did not want to do. You said that.

You are in no way to blame. That was totally on him and it actually makes me furious. Especially that ten years on you are still dealing with this.

ConfusedConfuse · 06/06/2024 19:41

Yes but I've had loads of situations like this in my youth literally can think of countless times I was forced into things I didn't want to do but gave in I just try to forget about it and move on now

Sunlightatlast · 06/06/2024 22:19

It was rape. He knew damned well you weren't consenting as you told him. He just didn't care. You had to go along with it or risk getting injured if he physically forced you.

HRTQueen · 06/06/2024 22:40

oh sweetie I’m so sorry this happened to you and you have been carrying this for so long. You did nothing wrong

this awful man physically forced you this is absolutely sexual assault

how dare he what a vile man you anger should only be for one person and that is him please stop beating yourself up.

Many of us have had similar experiences and felt the same way I found just telling others really help me place all the blame where it belongs (not on me) I hope you reach this place very soon x

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