How within/outside the bounds of normal is this? (11 yo talking about 'sex')

[ShadesOfPemberley]

Have n/c for this as don't want any chance my friend's daughter recognises me.

DD is Y6, is friends with a girl she made friends with in Y1, they've really nothing in common any more but friend is very possessive of DD (and doesn't have many other friends)

Y6 is the year that sex and relationships education cranks up a notch, I know, so some of this might be totally within the bounds of normal given that they're sort of getting intrigued.

DD is getting more and more upset/worried by friend who is constantly talking about:

teachers' 'big boobs'
what a penis might feel like if you touched it
'balls and testicles' (she is apparently bouncing on space hoppers in the playground and saying they look like mens' balls)
whether or not everyone's parents are sexually active (she says she hears 'noises' coming from parents' room)

and other things that DD says she's too embarrassed to tell me.

There are other similar things she's said too but I won't just go on and on.

Is this just a child being silly/ a child getting interested in the mysteries of sex/bodies at an age-appropriate level OR is this totally not within the bounds of normal?

DD is getting very wound up and upset by it, partly because she worries other people at school will think, because this girl is her 'friend', that she's associated with it too. Also I think she's creeped out by it, she is coming home really unhappy about it (it sounds constant, and even if she walks away, friend follows and carries on) and is worried to tell a teacher in case she gets 'friend' in trouble.

I will happily tell a teacher on her behalf because it worries me that friend is talking like this. But am I over-reacting?? Issue complicated by fact I'm also friends with child's mum. Do I gently say anything to her??

I don't want to create an issue where there doesn't need to be one. But this isn't the norm, right??!! Am going round and round in circles. Advice much appreciated.

It's not just about 'nipping in in the bud' either. This could signal that she is being exposed to adult material or even SA.

I would talk to the class teacher first. Either it's a safeguarding concern, in which case the teacher can pass it on to the DSL, or (more likely in my opinion) it's a kid being silly and getting carried away talking about rude things, in which case she needs to be told to knock it off as she is making other children feel uncomfortable.

Thanks so much.

ok so my plan is to email class teacher and just let her know what’s going on.

my instinct, too, is that it’s just a kid being silly and carried away with the naughtiness of talking about rude stuff. But would rather someone at school
was aware of it.

plus hopefully someone can point her in the right direction in terms of recognising when to just pipe down.

(Distressed by your teddy bears humping story, CreamCheese… that would have upset me too!!)

I'm over 60 now and back then we didn't have sex education till first year secondary. There was much smirking and giggling and I certainly remember me and my friends discussing Willies and fannies and how they "did the deed"
My friend had a Barbie and an action man and we used to take their clothes off and put action man on top of barbie. I think it was pretty normal stuff that kids would talk about when they discovered what sex was all about. We certainly never discussed with our parents. Far too embarrassing!!

I used to laugh along but hated it. Then I took to hiding certain precious toys away. She also loved to read books allowed but change bits of the story to be rude. I knew her into adulthood and know that there was nothing sinister going on. She was just like that. There was a boy at school who was the same, again nothing sinister. Just daft on sex stuff. He would definitely have being talking about bollocks and space hoppers too 😂

You'll rest easy knowing you've mentioned it to school though just incase.

Definitely report it to DSL. Even if it's not a safeguarding issue, your DD being made uncomfortable is. Consent is never taught in these situations, the other girl needs to know what it is and how it applies to talking about sex.

I was hypersexual at that age, and probably a bit younger. I don't know where it came from actually. I wasn't abused or anything. I kept trying to make games about touching privates and stuff. I don't know if it's reportable, a kid being very interested in sex. Maybe some of us are just like that.

From your list and trying to remember being a child:

teachers' 'big boobs' - seems a bit adult

what a penis might feel like if you touched it - probably normal, there was a lot of speculation on how sex actually worked

'balls and testicles' (she is apparently bouncing on space hoppers in the playground and saying they look like mens' balls) - also probably normal

whether or not everyone's parents are sexually active (she says she hears 'noises' coming from parents' room) -definitely normal, there is the horrific realisation that your parents had sex, and if you have siblings, had sex more than once! DH and his siblings rapidly agreed they were adopted as this idea was clearly insane

Going on and on about it - some kids definitely did this, particularly the ones for who it was brand new information

However I think I'd report to school. There's enough to suggest there may be a safeguarding concern, school will know more than you about the child and this might be a crucial piece of information. And if it's all innocent, child in question needs to learn some social cues about sex being private and when to shut up.

Personally to me it sounds like normal behaviour for a child who has been talking to children either actually older or more emotionally mature than she is. I would think this girl is probably emotionally immature for her age given the other things she does like being possessive over her friend.

Yep, me too. And definitely younger than 11. I didn't really say it to anyone else except for one friend.

I think page 3 may have had something to do with it in my case