Who pays for funeral?

[Clueless2024]

I am curious about the 'etiquette' in this scenario. Not my direct family, but close enough to be asked my thoughts and honestly, i'm unsure.

Mum has 4 grown children and many grandkids. Mum has always been on welfare/benefits and has always lived close to the breadline (by choice - yet always has enough for tobacco and marijuana).

Mum married about 13 years ago. Adult children do not call husband "step dad" although relationship is very cordial, everyone gets along. No drama's or issues. Together, they both continue to claim welfare and have never really had much money.

Mum has stated if she passes away before her husband, she wants one of her adult children to pay for her funeral expenses. I am curious - is this fair? Or should widowed husband pay?

I'd tell her you won't be paying for her funeral and she needs to get a pre-pay plan.

Seems odd to presume that her adult children will pay for her funeral when she has a husband who should be responsible for it. As already mentioned, if on benefits he can apply for assistance - seems odd that your Mum thinks shes going to shuffle off this mortal coil before her husband - does she have a terminal illness? He might go first and then that will be her issue to sort!!
If it is that much of a worry for her she needs to start stashing money away in a savings account for both of them regardless of who might pass first!!
When and if Mum goes - all the adult children are either going to have to keep quiet and let her husband sort it or get ready to chip in.
We had a situation when my BiL died and he was on benefits - SiL (quite reasonably) had all the siblings pay a share which was done willingly until months later she was going through his paperwork and found an insurance policy made out to one of the siblings to cover his funeral expenses. They kept quiet and pocketed the proceeds!!

well i wish i knew that all those years ago! i was the only working daughter and therefore i had to foot the entire bill cos the others couldn't afford it!

should have given it to one of them to sort out

Since she's decided that living on the state is good enough then she can be buried by the state and have a paupers funeral, how dare she put this on her child.

I bet it's quite difficult though to get the benefits anyway if one of you has some money and you are all equal relatives but because it's the husband, he will likely get them as he is the one that should be paying as the first next of kin.

The family have to be on benefits to get help with funeral costs. If they refuse to pay & there are no assets at all then the local authority pay for a public health funeral. But this means the family have no say at all and depending in the area might not even be able to attend.

i didnt 'have' money... i was simply working and not claiming benefits! but anyway.

husband should pay, or failing that, they need to start putting some money away for if and when the time comes, thats an awful thing to leave to your kids

It didn't sit right with me, child being expected to pay, but for a brief minute, I wondered if I had it wrong and it was perfectly normal to expect your child, rather than spouse to cough up.

Thanks for all the replies.

Husband pays. A direct cremation is 1-2 k

she has a husband who should be responsible for it

Well if he’s on benefits where do you think the money is coming from?

If he went first how is mum going to pay for it?

If he’s a benefit claimant, I doubt he’ll be able to afford it on his own. Funerals are shockingly expensive. I think the children (all of them, not just the nominated one), should make contributions in line with their financial situations.

@Clueless2024 actually, the person who arranges with the undertaker is the person who is liable for payment. the funeral parlour will pursue for the cost of the funeral. alternatively, the dss can arrange a paupers burial.

I know that within our wider family they were on benefits and they claimed a death grant for both parents and it was enough for a dignified funeral

Its called “Bereavement payment support” and you can claim up to £3,500 if they were on UC but I think only a spouse/partner can claim if they were on one of the following benefits

• Universal Credit
• Income Support
• income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance
• income-related Employment and Support Allowance
• Pension Credit
• Housing Benefit
• the disability or severe disability element of Working Tax Credit
• Child Tax Credit

she wants one of her adult children to pay for her funeral expenses

I could well be projecting but it sounds to me as if it might be the current husband complaining about 'getting stung' for the costs so that the mother is looking for a promise from someone else.

If the children would be happy with the mother having a Public Health Funeral or Council Funeral, then fair enough: all relatives have to declare themselves unable or unwilling to provide funds, in order to access public funding.

It is of course ultimately a matter of public health. I'm so sorry that relations have deteriorated to this extent.

3 grand is enough for a funeral. Cardboard coffin and no family cars.

Strictly speaking her estate pays, does she have any money or assets in her name? If so that is used first, then the husband, if he doesn't have the means, split between the children unless there's massive income disparity

You can't force anyone to pay for your funeral. If the deceased has an estate then the executor arranges for the funeral costs to be met before the balance is distributed. If someone wants to pay for it, they pay. If nobody is willing to pay for it out of their own money (which is their right) the local authority is obliged to arrange a public health funeral.

So your mum's adult children might just as well tell your mum that they'll pay, then actually decide what to do when the time comes.

If there is not enough money in the deceased's estate, the husband and family can pay for the funeral or choose not to. There are no laws to force the husband or other family members to fork out.

This is how it worked for us recently - DH arranged his father's funeral and had to sign paperwork to say he would cover the bill if there wasn't money in the estate to pay for it.

This always confuses when there is always so most confusion bec ause there is always so many older family members who are going (as opposed)to be more childcare within a family .No one ever cares for their own care or cares enough what happens within their own their own families .I think Therse May(or whatever) she was called . Had enough clout to be thinking about it and thinking we've got enough elderly people to need to think about this and inheritance needs to be put aside .