School splitting up best friends

[Ineedaholidayyyy]

School have informed me then are planning on splitting up my child and his best friend, next year they be put into different classes, going into Y1.

I agree with their reasons, the other child appears to be having a bad influence on mine in the playground.This came to light especially as the other child was on holiday recently during term time, and my son was apparently better behaved that week.

My son does have other friends at school and I have tried to encourage these friendships by doing playdates, however I know he doesnt play with them as much when in school. Out of school on the playdates they play well, therefore I think this approach will also benefit my son socially as he will hopefully start to mix more in school. We don't see his "best friend" out of school.

I know my son will upset and probably confused why he won't be with his best friend. I know he is young , but has anyone got any tips, gone through this with your own child? Did it work out much better for your child? Thanks

I have had to ask for my child to be separated from their best friend. They really are a nasty child and I'm not naive about the fact they are not forcing my child to be rude/unkind but they're certainly a big factor. They did do this initially and it did help but things slipped back to them being together quite a lot. They're not in separate classes as I don't think it's fair to pull my child away from other friendships etc. hoping things go well for you!

Thanks for your reply. That must be difficult for you, knowing it's for the best however for them to be separated where possible.

The other child is not nasty, he's just very silly from what I gather. My son has a tendency to copy him though, the latest example is the other child has been shouting "nipples" to everyone, and then my son copied him.

They can keep them separated class wise as they have a class and half for each year. It also means that one of them will be remaining in the mixed reception and Y1 class again though, and I'm not sure how I'd feel about that if my son is kept in the mixed classed again for these reasons. Ultimately I trust they have the best intentions for the children, but I am worried how he will react .

This happened to my DD2.

When she joined her primary school in reception it was changing from a two form entry to three. They were building a new infant school at the other side of the village. DD's year were going to do reception and year 1 at the original school building and then they had to move over to the new building when they were in year 2.

When this happened they had a shake up of the classes. DD2 was really shy but had 2 best friends that she was inseparable with. Both of these boys were put in a different class.

They were both lovely boys, not a bad influence at all, but it was the best thing that could have happened for her. She was so shy - hardly spoke until year 2. Being separated from them forced her to make new friends and spread her wings a bit. I think that this was probably why she was separated from them.

Which one of them is staying in same class, or does school have a large intake and they're both going to different classes? If you don't know, then worth clarifying with school, so you can prepare your son uf needs be.

Thanks @BusySittingDown that's encouraging to read about your daughter and I'm glad it worked out well for her. I'm sure teachers have various different reasons for splitting children , and I'm sure it's always done with the best intentions. My son is also quite shy , so hopefully it will be an opportunity for him to make new friends.

She couldn't tell me that at this stage, just that they will be separated. We will find out soon as they will have the transition day at the end of this month.

It's 1.5 entry intake. So there is a whole class of reception, one class of mixed reception and year 1 ( current class) and then a whole class of Y1. I presumed my son would automatically go into the whole class of Y1 , but if they splitting them up, one will have to stay in the mixed class again.

I’ve been through similar as a parent and seen it plenty of times in school. It’s not as big a deal as it feels and it nearly always turns out well, although I do understand the upset.

All you can do is show a positive face about it to your child, if he’s upset remind him that they will still see each other in the playground and that there’s other friends for him to work with in class time.

My dd attended a school with 4 classrooms for every year. They remixed the classes every year. The children would be upset for a day if a prior best friend wasn’t in their class, but most of the time managed to find a new group.

I think you need to tell your son he can see him before school, at break, at lunch, at afternoon break and on playdates. So it isn't like he has left the school.

They split up classes for so many reasons (I used to volunteer in a primary) and so lots of children will feel a bit of loss, they focus on who is leaving not who they are gaining, happens every year. Tell him about all the new friends he could make especially if this friend was new from reception, he didn't know him before he started school.

And yes, not all friendships are positive in a classroom setting.

DDs are in a school that mixes up the classes each year. When DD1's class was mixed at the end of Reception, she was a bit upset when we first found out which classes the children would be in at the end of term but by the time September rolled around she was totally fine.

At the end of Y1 when they were mixed again she didn't bat an eye about it.

Now she's in Y2 she has friends across the whole year group, not just in her class which I think is great and actually, her friendship group has changed a bit anyway and she is close friends with two children that I couldn't have picked out of the crowd back when they were in Reception.

It happened to my DD. She went from loving school to refusing to go. She would cry herself to sleep every night for (what felt like) weeks. She’s become angry and hard to manage. It’s been awful.
I’ve spoken to the school, tried to get support but it’s a difficult class anyway and she isn’t disruptive like some of the others so they don’t seem to be doing anything. It’s nearly 2 years later and she’s not improved.
Will they mix the classes back at any point? My DD’s school doesn’t. I’m thinking about moving her now just to try for a fresh start.

I would add we tried to do play dates and maintain the friendship outside of school but that just made her even more upset they weren’t in the same class anymore. My Dd became a bit clingy and I think the other child was happy to move on. They don’t really see each other outside of school anymore which I feel is a shame but it wasn’t helping.

@AFmammaG I'm sorry to hear that ,it must have really affected her. It might be worthwhile with a fresh start if she is still upset and angry about it 2 years down the line. I hope things get better.

I debated long and hard over picking the local primary that only has 1 class per year, or the school we ended up picking. I suppose time will tell if we made the right decision as the classes are mixed up every year.

Gosh that's a big school! Glad to hear it works out well for most.

Children shouldn’t have ‘best friends’ I do hope you don’t use that term as it puts pressure on them being together - you are making more of this than necessary

I don't use the term no, and i am definitely not putting any pressure on him to remain best friends with any child. In fact I encourage him to mix with other children.

Children can have best friends though and can remain lifelong friends from nursery/reception. I speak from my own experience.

I actually wish my DS’ school would mix the classes up! Mine has been glued to a friend since reception who was always a nasty child and still is in Y4. I wish they’d been separated in Y1! He is definitely a bad influence (less so with age thankfully but still a big part of his life).

@freespirit333 yes I suppose it's a good thing our school have the option to seperate kids in certain scenarios , and also if the parent requests it for whatever reason.

I actually think in the long run it is for the best , but I just know he will he upset initially and he can be quite senstive. He's already worried about year 1 as he knows they have to do more work than play!