Feel so unappreciated and invisible for all I do as a mother

[serenavenus]

Just that. LP, no partner or family nearby. Ex as much help as a chocolate teapot and I've given up trying to change him. 100% sole carer of DD and sole financial provider, I work.

My once happy DD age 11 going through school anxiety and getting increasingly moody and teenager like. Will help around house for 5 minutes if asked (then walks off and has to be asked to return) but often sullen and refuses to leave house. School is a nightmare at the moment, just riding it out until end of term and year 7. Trying my best to make things better for DD - booking a couple of mini breaks away (ones I know she will like), holiday clubs etc. We have a very limited social life outside of these things sadly.

I have very little social life (lone parent with no support or regular childcare) and am getting so depressed - it's been 11 years of this now. I just wish one person (ex or DD) would look after me for a bit and say thank you for all you do and be grateful (about the mini break I booked, the activity I organised or the specially made food for a fussy eater that I cooked) rather than grudgingly say thank you only after I ask for it. Everything I do feels invisible and I want to cry.

Due to stress I have put on weight and try to get into a health routine but get bogged down and tired with everything and it's hard to change as life is so stressful. Trying so bloody hard.

Just wanted to vent.

Your feelings are valid. The way you may feel more appreciated is to show yourself care and make sure that your internal dialogue is positive and supportive. When external validation isn’t forthcoming, you can always rely on yourself to be your own ‘cheerleader’. Consider treating yourself to some flowers in recognition of the effort you go to everyday for yourself and your daughter 💐

I'm sorry you are going through a bad time. My circumstances are different but I totally get it. I have on occasion found myself fantasising about being suddenly ill or in an accident so I can be waited on hand and foot in hospital while everyone struggles at home and finally realises what I do for them. (I know this is ridiculous).

I don't think any child at 11 appreciates what you do for them. They have to be shown and even that only works short term. Every now and again when my kids don't do the very few things asked of them I stop doing a particular thing. Like sorry, I'm not doing your laundry for a week because you didn't tidy up when I asked you. It's usually shrugged off but works eventually. I've found complaining gets me no where only into arguments so I try to take action.

As pp says be your own cheerleader for now. Congratulate yourself at the end of every day for getting through it. Crazy as it sounds I have started speaking words of praise and encouragement to myself out loud, out of anyone's earshot. You're doing great, I know can do this etc etc.

I don’t think it is ridiculous. People often don’t realise all the things you do, until you don’t do them. I’m guessing a combination of thinking “they only take a minute” or just plain don’t register the task needs doing

You poor thing, I sometimes feel this way and I am not a lone parent. You deserve better. It must be hard to get it, though. But it will get better in a few years when your DD can be left alone?

Not sure if your finances would allow, but would you consider sending DD to a PGL type camp for a week this summer? It may help both if you to reset

I go away on my own for a few days once a year to an all inclusive to be 'looked after'. Totally get it op and I have a dh here living with me. It's tough and I think kids often appreciate these things more when they look back as an adult or have children of their own. Agree with other pps about being your own cheerleader and thanking yourself / patting yourself on the back. When your dd becomes more independent you will have more time for you. Sorry it's hard.