If your child was bullied (primary), what was the outcome

[Bullying]

DD (6yo - Y1) has been bullied for over 3 months by another girl in her class. This girl used to be her friend. We didn't realise at first what was going on but the teachers have noticed in the last couple of weeks that's she's become increasingly anxious coming to school or going to the playground at breaktime.

She's finally opened up and we were horrified. This girls has been pushing DD, nudging her with her knee, calling her stupid, silly poo poo-ish, chasing her down the playground to shout abuse at her, telling her I hate you, pulling her hairbands out of her hair without DDs permission, gossiping to other girls about her, telling them DD is silly stupid and so.

I raised it with the school on Mon and they did take it seriously. The head of pre prep and the head teacher got involved, I believe they called the parents too. This girl admitted that's she's been 'unkind' to DD but that this won't happen again.

I had a meeting with the head of pre prep on Monday and although she said they took it very seriously and they have informed all the teachers/lunch staff and so on, they still encouraged them to play together and teach the other girl how to be kind.

It's Wed today and DD is still very anxious to go to school (she adored her school before this happened). She said that on Mon her 'bully' approached her and told DD that she shouldn't have told the teachers about it, it was a very 'bad thing to do'. Yesterday, during a lesson, this girl started tickling DD and playing with DDs hair, disrupting her basically. DD told the teachers and this girl was moved to a different seat. I should say this girl has no SEN, she's very bright and very popular in the class.

I'm devastated that this has been happening, DD is like a different child now. I asked the school that they keep this girl away from DD but obviously they don't agree with it.

I'd like to hear if anyone has had similar experiences at school and how you deal with it.

Thank you

DS was bullied in year 6. I told the head who took it very serious and watched what was going on. He then banned 2 of the bullies from playtime for a week and the leader was suspended for 3 days then on a play ban for 2 weeks. The leaders mum came to my work and went utterly berserk and tried to attack me. I called the police and she received a warning. The mum then bad mouthed my business which was a short term problem as most people saw straight through her. The 2 followers did not hang out with the main one again from what I heard. I also heard that he'd recently been expelled from secondary and was in the PRU but I have no idea if that is true or just gossip. We were not the families only victims.

😲

I think the school are trying to build bridges. Maybe have a chat with them to just let your dd and find her own natural path of who she will gravitate towards. This actually might be down to the other girl feeling jealous if your dd has moved on from that friendship a bit. Bad attention is better than no attention.

Be positive in your outlook, taking about what you can both figure out on how to manage the girls behaviour. Do role plays, get sentences prepared so your dd feels empowered to deal with her confidently. I found it helpful to go through a while list of things to ignore, stand up to and tell the teacher.

It’s a different kettle of fish when they get a little bit older - that breaks your heart. Girls can completely isolate another girl from a whole friendship group/class and that’s a killer.

There are few books on Amazon on how girls can navigate friendships in school - I’ll try and find the one I got.

Moved schools and eventually pulled my child out altogether. The school did nothing to address the bullying and it even seemed they were facilitating it by having the kids sit together. They also covered up the severity of it and I had to piece things together by talking to different parents. When I noticed the same dynamic form at the next school I didn’t waste my time trying to meet with the teachers and just switched to online schooling

The school tried their best, the kid kept on bullying.

I spoke to the mum of the bully outside of the school and told her if it carried on I'd break her fucking legs.

It stopped.

Sorry to read that so many had to move schools.
My DS was bullied by another child. The school didn't take it seriously until DS came home with a black eye (aged 9). I kept him out of school and told the head that I couldn't send him in as it wasn't safe for him to be there and that I was seeking advice from other parties. They had it sorted by 2pm and the bully moved schools shortly after.

DS2 was picked on occasionally (he has some obvious differences) throughout primary school. Some teachers were meh. One went nuclear and that put all but the most harden off for the rest of primary school. The last clown did eventually stop in Y5 but that is mainly because DS2 finally lost it and planted them.

Sorry to hear your DS had to go through this but brilliant there was a positive outcome for him and the school took it seriously. There is hope x

Yup similar experience although the bully had SEN. my child is autistic too but her needs were disregarded. As you have experienced the children were encouraged to play together so they could learn to be kind. I took my ds out the school in the end. It's had lasting impact on her confidence and now she gets social anxiety.

On the flip side I have a very challenging autistic son who while not a bully as such would have meltdowns in response to another autistic child picking on him. The school separated them. My son was kicked out of school for the challenging behaviour when this other child kept winding him up from a distance. It was justified as for the safety of the other children. I don't necessarily disagree as my son's behaviour is hard to manage safety but the difference in how girls and boys are treated was noticeable. Girls get told to be kind and forced to play together and boys are immediately separated. Your girl is probably not making a big enough scene and pushing the teachers off enough to force them to deal with it- my boy did but then he was the one kicked out.

Sometimes the only to stop the bullying issues to give a taste of their own medicine.
My son was being picked on by a pair of twins. As the youngest of 5 brothers my boy was no pushover but it was 2 against one.
I didn't even bother telling the teacher, just told him if he gets shoved, shove back. He did. He was pushed by twin one. He pushed twin one back and he barrelled into twin two who was stood behind him. They both fell over, started wailing and never touched him again.
My granddaughter was being bullied at school by some boys but what they didn't know is that she had been attending self defence classes. They wanted to be her best mate after that.
All this be kind, be friends namby pamby rubbish is a waste of time imho, it just gives the bullies carte blanched to carry on bullying and getting away with it

These horrible stories i’m reading about schools doing fuck all about bullies is exactly what is wrong with state schools right now and is what the politicians should be promising to fix. Stricter processes in place to take bullying more seriously and do something about it. And yet parents are being blamed for high absence rates.

I do think often bullies need a taste of their own medicine as talking and be nice does nothing to stop some awful little shits.

The funny thing with my DS is that the parents were outraged (to be fair their kid had taken a beating) and went to the police. Unluckily for them their kid was 10 and over the age of criminal responsibility whereas mine was only 9 and under it. Police told then their kid could be in trouble (he'd hit DS first) and that no action could be taken against mine.

My DS school took a very good approach I think. The bully wasn't physical but a smart arse who traded on acting cool and getting a laugh at someone else's expense. He made DS absolutely miserable and one by one turned a group of 10 or 11 boys against DS. The school decided to target the enablers and hauled them out for a stern chat. They said they were all responsible, those who laughed, or joined in or even those who sat there doing nothing. They asked them how would they feel if a group laughed at them etc. They were told DS was to report every instance and they should do too, this would include reporting the bystanders who joined in. The idea was to strip the bully of their power and the school knew from many threats and punishments that the bully got too much out of bullying DS to let a potential punishment stop him. It really worked, about half the boys were really nice to DS and I think genuinely had a wake up call about their own responsibility. A few remaining ignore DS which is fine too. Bully still tries it on occasionally and is met with awkward looks and maybe stifled giggles but most kids don't want to be associated with him now.

I totally agree.

When I grew up in the 80ies, back in my country, you were pretty much on your own in the school playground and if someone was horrible to you, you'd hit back. And therefore I was never bullied, not for long anyway. I remember this boy who was sort of violent towards me, would come and hit me on the head with a hardback book, so one day I run after him and hit him in between his legs (total accident my foot landed in there). He screamed in pain, but never touched me again after that 😆. This boy is now in prison for life for killing his father in law and 2 other people in a military camp.

DS was bullied at his state primary - by the head teacher - because he didn't enjoy sport.

It resulted in a very difficult relationship between me & the head, me having made it clear I wouldn't hesitate to go to the governors and the local education authority if it continued.

We managed to get to the end of year 6 but ds was relieved to leave. Since then his senior school has been brilliant and he's flourished. Massive relief.