So my grandad has passed away he was very old he was in his 90's this week. My mum has recently made friends with him last October and she has been visiting at the nursing home every day since late December and doing his washing which has not been pleasant as most of his clothes were soiled but did this anyway and bought him lots of clothes, because she wanted him comfortable.
There relationship has been not great one he wasn't great with my grandma he was very violent towards her which my mum witnessed as a child and has lot of bad memories of hearing screaming and seeing my grandma unconscious bleeding of the floor every night for years. He was a serial cheat as well always having affair and I think that's how the rows started.
There relationship has always been strange one I think he felt that my mum was always on my grandmas side so never liked her. His son on the other hand has always been the golden child and even my mum knows this he was away at uni we my grandma had all these beatings so never seen any of this trauma that my poor mum had to witness and didn't dare tell anyone as she thought she would of got a beating as the teachers at school has suspected and she lied.
My grandad relationship with my mum has been on and off for many years with a lot of fall outs. My mum claims he never liked her and just blanked her and never knew what she had done tnos was well over 13 years ago. My daughter was born she rang him and he said "oh lovely" and never bothered with her. In 2017 me and mum saw him in Tesco and mum pushed me to say hello and arrange to go and see him. I did and went with my husband and two children we went and then a month later had taken my brother with me so he could see his grandson who he not seen in 10 years at this point. The evening went well or so I thought a month later it was Christmas time and I rang up excited and said we have his presents and would like to see if he wanted a visit he said "well no" and I said "oh are you busy shall we come another day and just got a short response" it's hectic this time of year we shall leave it" and when I said shall I come when your not busy he replied with "okie doke bye"
My mum was furious and said I wouldn't bother and I didn't. April 2024 I seen him with my kids and have gone on to have another baby he was lovely with my son in nursing home asu mum invited us to come along. I know he lost his mind at this point with old age dementia but didn't speak to me at all and just my mum the whole time. My mum keeps talking about taking her causin with her to funeral as moral support but not mentioned me going and I don't feel comfortable going as he always made time for my causins and not me and my brother.
To make matters worse and more hurtful to my mum he signed his bungalow over to her brother and it's not about the money is the principle. Mum said she just glad she made peace with him before he died and that's all that mattered.
My husband thinks I should go but to be honest I don't know whether I should as he cut me out of his life for years on end and didn't bother with my children. I think on the other hand should I support mum although she claims she has soso going to support her.