Need some help/a handhold

[allwiredup]

My anxiety has been through the roof since last night, triggering my OCD. I’m obsessing over the tiniest details (like initials of my makeup brands of all things! and food I’m eating) and I’ve just woken from an unexpected nap, so my brain is even more in a fog.

I’ve been feeling like something’s wrong all day, like something is building like a bomb about to go off. Almost a sense of impending doom, which is common in anxiety, but it’s been a very long time since it’s been all consuming like this. I almost feel like the world around me isn’t tangible, like there’s a wall between myself and my surroundings. I’ve not experienced that before, so it’s making my anxiety worse.

I’m on tablets and have cycled through 4 therapists/psychiatrists over the years so there’s not much “professional” help left for me. Is there anyone who has experience with this? Or even just someone to offer a handhold?

sorry for the rambling, I’m all over the place

To expand more on the obsessions right now - I’m convinced I can no longer use my regular makeup brands because they begin with the same initial as someone I went to school with who was horrible. So I feel those brands are now contaminated, and using them means I’m secretly as horrible as that person.

It’s called Emotional Contamination OCD, and it’s taken 80% of my hobbies from me already. Now it’s taking my beauty routine from me.

I'm not a clinician, but my son suffers from anxiety and OCD. It sounds like you're having an existential episode alongside your EC.

I wish I could offer some help, but it sounds like you need to contact your mental health care team.

My son also suffers from EC, but until you just described it, despite years of treatment & sporadic treatment no professionals have ever diagnosed it.

You've done me a massive favour there, thank you.

Happy to help at least! It’s one of the rarer forms because it’s purely mental, but runs along the same as physical contamination ocd. Normally exists beside another theme as well.

So for me, there’s 3 people in particular that I have negative associations with. So anything that even vaguely reminds me of them (another person, a word, a food, a product, etc) feels tainted and I get really anxious that if I’m near that new person or using that product, that contaminant will become a huge deal. Even though there is no actual contaminant and it’s all in my head.

Hopefully my sharing this resonates with your son and allows him to 1) know he’s definitely not alone and 2) give him an actual title to his thoughts. ❤️

Sorry you're suffering like this. Anxiety is awful. It will pass even though right now you are overwhelmed.
If you're feeling really off the scale - try grounding techniques- list 5 things you can see/touch/smell/hear
Or focus on some practical things - light housework/cleaning/gardening with radio as a distraction. Nothing too taxing but taking you out of just thinking.
Shower with nice shower gel and body lotion. Something that makes you feel good.
Breathing/meditation - calm app/headspace/bbc sounds
Exercise - swimming/ walking/running/YouTube Iva etc
Meet a friend or family member. Give them a call.
Walk about and change what you're doing.

Nothing wrong with going back to therapy and getting more support. What helped in the past? What didn't help.

How you feel now will pass. It feels horrible now but this is just a moment. You need to let this moment pass and do what helps then make a plan to help you address anxiety/OCD again.

If you're on medication maybe it needs a tweak or maybe you need some support in therapy to help remind you of some strategies to manage your anxiety.

Be kind to yourself.

Absolutely it does. It's mostly based on one person, but just as you describe.

When my son has his existential episodes, he can't be alone. I don't know if being with someone grounds him somehow, or it's just the comfort or even just a distraction.

Is there someone you can call, or visit or something that will you distract you?

This is such a lovely reply . … one that might help alot of us , thank you. ☺️

Thank you ❤️

I’ve decided to challenge my anxiety head on and have gone through my makeup collection, picking what I love regardless of the initials. Only realized after that the brands I’ve chosen (Sculpted, Elf, ABH, Nyx, No7 & IT cosmetics), the initials spell out INSANE - which is pretty accurate to how OCD/anxiety makes me feel 🙈🙃🙃

Well done for tackling your make up case that actually sounds really brave and awesome. Bless you for finding humour in your stress 'insane' 🙈😮🙃

I don't know what OCD is like but I understand what a grip it can have and I do know you can't 'logic out' anxiety when you're in the thick of it 🤯🫨 😩

But if can reach out to your compassionate self and be really kind to yourself. Don't give yourself a hard time for feeling the way you are or for having tried things in the past and not having resolved things yet. It doesn't mean they haven't worked just maybe not yet or not right now.

Difficult experiences and feelings can take time to come to terms with and you sound like you address them when you can.

Thank you. I’ve had a shower and am now sitting in the garden for some fresh air. Just barely hanging on really but isn’t that true for most of us??

I have a very loving family that I know would rush to be with me as fast as possible, but they’re at an event and having a lovely time, so I don’t want to spoil it. I was invited along but chose not to go because I knew I’d be unwell for the day. Probably should have gone anyway, but anyone with mental health issues knows that sometimes, you have to pick and choose your battles.

I’m used to being on my own anyway. My mental health has made it so I can’t seem to form friendships, let alone romantic relationships, and outside of my immediate family, my closest “friend” is my boss at work 🙈 Typically it’s just myself and my dog

Hope today was a better day

Much better, thank you ❤️

That's good 😊

I just surrendered. I kept fighting it and trying to salvage the day but it was useless, so I just allowed myself to have a hard day. Went about my business, but made sure to give myself grace & comfort. I basically looked after myself the way you would a sick child.

I knew I’d feel a bit stronger the next day, but I kept treating myself with kindness throughout yesterday and will continue to do so today. I’m still getting all I need done, but typically I over achieve, so I’m just allowing myself to do what I need and only what I need to do.

I’m basically handholding myself, handling myself with kid gloves you know? 😂😂

Yes, I had lunch with coworkers yesterday and I’ve been fortunate to have spent my lunch hour today at my sister’s house with her, my BIL, her children, and our mom who popped over at the same time for a visit