Is it ok for a 9 year old to see text messages between mum and dad?

[rs999]

Hi, sorry if this is in the wrong place, new on here.

Is it ok for a 9 year old to see text messages between mum and dad.

For content, the mum is showing the 9 year old messages, dad does not agree. Messages are mostly arguments. Mum and dad are split.

Thank you.

For fucks sake, no!

Healthy family chat about pickups, drop-offs, what someone ate for dinner, and that awesome spelling test, Absolutely. It’s good to model healthy adult communication for children and even let them take part. This is true for any kind of family structure. It’s really fun when they start participating, making jokes, and it becomes a virtual family meeting place. Sometimes kids will show a side of themselves in text they don’t show in person as easily

any animosity or strife needs to be side-channeled.

Definitely not! This is what we have experienced from my DSD's mum and it has had a damaging effect on her.
The family courts don't care however but it is not OK.
Children have a right to form their own relationships with individual parents and should never be dragged into this. Even if the other parent was guilty of abuse within the relationship this has to be dealt with in another way.

Arguments are never ok. Even if it's mum shouting at the dad for letting the kids down... again.

This.

No I would try agree between you not to do that. Children shouldn't be burdened by their parents spats.

However, think about why this is happening- if you're talking to the mother of your child in a rude, aggressive or any other way you wouldn't want your child to see then stop. I write to my coparent in a way that I wouldn't be ashamed of if it were read by my child or in court or if my parents or friends saw.

In the context of arguments, no.

It all depends on the context, doesn't it? I'd have no problem with my 8-year-old seeing my messages to her Dad, but they tend to be exciting things like "Can you pick up milk and bananas while you're out please?" 😁

No.

Your children should not be dragged into your arguments.

No don't think it's ok. Puts child in an impossible position

Children should never be dragged into parents issues.

Of course not. These are adult issues that should not involve the children and could be damaging to them. Could also be seen as encouraging parental alienation. If it's significant it's worth speaking to a solicitor.

Absolutely not. This has the potential to do serious emotional harm to the child and damage his relationship with both parents. The child should be completely shielded from all adult disputes.

It depends. DD says Daddy said you wouldn’t let me see him this weekend. Mum shows him the text where he basically can’t be arsed.
Fine.

I've shown my 12 year old some messages from his dad that concern him directly, I don't think I was in the wrong to do it as he wanted clarity on the situation. Ex keeps messing around contact and now refuses to take DS to a club that he's gone to for years. The last message, paraphased "I have to work full time, do chores and make time to see the kids!" (Ex lives with his mom who does everything for him except his laundry and he works from home in a low pressure job).

I have younger kids that I don't show messages to, they wouldn't understand.

Unless it’s to share something positive (e.g Daddy or Mummy says well done), it is absolutely not okay.
Children should never be bought into adult arguments. It’s a huge emotional burden on them and one they should not have to bear.
On the Mum’s part, it’s toxic and manipulative. She needs to separate what is good for her and what is good for her child (they may not always be the same thing).
I had an incredibly difficult relationship with my ex (was abusive and unfaithful) but never exposed my son to that. He has grown up having a wonderful relationship with both parents, and thanked me for always putting him first and making sure he had a good relationship with his Dad.