Getting a grumpy 11 year old out of the house

[lolopoplop]

Hello, is moodiness pretty normal in 11 year olds? My lovely and generally happy boy has had a rough year - SATS, some bullying at school which we've tried to deal with - but now SATS are finished and even outside of school e.g. during half term he's been very changeable. Just wondering if it comes with the age territory?

As a LP it is especially hard - his dad is rarely around, I have no support locally, and at this age I can't easily leave him at home for long periods of time but need to get him out of the house on weekends (even just for a short walk) and he is very resistant to it and throws himself on the floor claiming he's "feeling sick" in a mood. We don't have a lot of friends locally so usually it is just us (I have done everything to try to change this, BTW). If we don't go out we just get stuck at home all day with too much screentime (yes I do try to limit this!).

He also uses "illness" as a reason to avoid doing what he wants to do - feeling sick, anxiety, stomach ache - I'm not saying some of the time these are not genuine but I also feel like he over-plays it to his advantage. So I drag him out but he complains all the way during a walk of "feeling sick" or whatever unless we are doing something of his choice (which of course we also do sometimes). It is a nightmare. And yes I do use some bribes sometimes to get him out (promise of an ice cream etc) but obviously can't do that all the time.

It is starting to drive me a bit nuts to be honest.

Any tips, ideas and suggestions? I am hopeful that it will all pass once year 6 is finished in a few weeks. I can't honestly live like this, it is driving me bonkers!

Thanks for ideas in advance.

I'd try now then later
'Now we're going for a quick walk, if you want to be moody you can be, however if we have a great time together than we can (insert 11 yr old fun thing)'

@forrestgreen that's a good idea. thank you!

Is he too 'cool' for walkie talkies or taking arty photos when out? What about a flask of hot choc for half way? My 10yo wails about going out but usually enjoys herself once out. She doesn't like 'walks' though, we usually go to the woods where she can climb trees or NT gardens or parks.

I would implement new rules for being sick

lying in bed with curtains closed and no tech ….. so that he can get better as quickly as possible

he might stop pretending to be sick

also start talking about ‘ the boy who cried wolf ‘

Does he have a friend he could bring along?

Agree with PP, walks are boring. Throw an activity into the mix.

I read something on here that helped that was focus on the primary behaviour ie when he does actually come with you rather than the secondary behaviour, the moodiness etc.

Also, if he’s sensible you may also be able to leave him for short periods? I’d maybe have a “grown up” conversation - that you make an agreement that he can stay by himself while you do x or y but that he can come with you for z each weekend. I also find emphasising that I enjoy doing things with ds and enjoy his company helps.

I found a huge difference between 11 and year 6 and 12/year 7 (which my ds is now) in terms of independence and attitude. We do a fair bit of stuff ds enjoys - in half term he played a cricket match and training, spent a day with grandparents and we had a day at a free museum (with a little trip to primark). He also goes out more with friends now to the park to play football etc so he’s not quite such a screen obsessed little hermit!

Unfortunately I have found that the solution to this is that as he gets older, you will become more comfortable with leaving him by himself.
For now I would get out for a short walk by yourself so that you are not trapped and keep offering things he might like to join in with.

Thank you all, some great suggestions here and I will be trying all of them!!

I have also just ordered a couple of books about how to communicate with adolescents / teens, hopefully they will help a bit.

I will also ask him for ideas for what he'd like to do a bit more. I do try to ask him and cater to his ideas, but feel there must be compromise on both sides - a bit of balance - I often hate to do the things he chooses but do them anyway - and he flat out refuses to do anything I want to do. Maybe some more careful planning is in order so we can find things we both want to do. Unfortunately often his ideas revolve around activities I can't afford very well.

I do really like this one 😅. Have to be a bit stricter on it I think.