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Original poster

To feel invisible

17 replies

unusuallyusually · 03/06/2024 08:50

I've pulled my back. It happens regularly. I do weekly Pilates, yoga and gym. I've had physio, chiropractor and ido stretch's twice a day.
I just seem to have a weak spot.

It was aching yesterday and started spasming. Dh cooked tea and I spoke to him and adult dd about the pain I was in. I took ibuprofen and did hot and cold alternating. It's my job to do dishwasher, neither offered. I ended up sat on the kitchen floor reaching for plates and putting them in without leaning. I probably should have asked one of them but I get sick of the 'if I must attitude'
I went to bed in pain I got up today feeling worse, dh had left for work. He could have walked dog before he left but he didn't. We have a bouncy lab who needs at least two walks. I'm struggling to walk yet I've had to get up get younger dc ready and drive them to school.
I've asked eldest dd to walk dog and she's clearly peeved (she's not working today)

I know for a fact of dh or dd were in pain I would do whatever I could to help. They just leave me to it and moan if I ask.

OP posts:
midgetastic · 03/06/2024 08:53

The fact that you did the dishwasher means they probably think you are basically ok

Bullsey · 03/06/2024 08:56

Why the fuck would you sit on the floor and do the dishwasher rather than just ask them to help you?

Seems like martyr behaviour to me, and more than a little passive aggressive.

Original poster
unusuallyusually · 03/06/2024 08:57

They see me struggling to walk/get up

They didn't see me do the dishwasher.

I hate asking for help.

OP posts:
midgetastic · 03/06/2024 09:04

They are you struggle but you don't ask for help

I would assume that means you don't want help

I would further assume that you are basically ok , just a bit uncomfortable

You need to communicate not just expect people to understand from minimal information

mondaytosunday · 03/06/2024 09:37

Be clear. Say 'X, I'm in pain and cannot walk the dog this morning/get child to school/cook dinner so please do it'. Don't ask. Tell. And repeat with any task that others could do. They are not in your body and don't know how you feel unless you TELL them.

Original poster
unusuallyusually · 03/06/2024 10:33

You're right of course . I think I just want to be taken care of occasionally.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 03/06/2024 10:45

unusuallyusually · 03/06/2024 10:33

You're right of course . I think I just want to be taken care of occasionally.

Then tell them that.

If you don't communicate your needs clearly, you'll grow resentful, and they will always fail in your eyes.

It's not fair on either side.

BellaDelBosco · 03/06/2024 11:14

It is really hard to speak up but you have to. It is even harder to voice a grievance without being angry, (I am totally rubbish at it) but you must let him know. Otherwise the resentment piles up on one side with the other being blissfully unaware.

In my relationship, on Fridays when we go out for a drink and talk about how our relationship is going like a low key friendly couple counselling - sometimes we do personality tests together, etc. We also looked at leadership styles, that was very interesting in a couple context. That is a really great moment, in a neutral environment, to discuss grievances and problems. We also try to say, after an argument: the 3 things that i have learned from this argument are...

It may be a bit of a management approach to relationship but it has helped us massively. (we have been married for nearly 20 years)

sharplettuce · 03/06/2024 11:25

They should have helped.

HÆLTHEPAIN · 03/06/2024 17:22

Makes me think of this.

To feel invisible
haddockfortea · 03/06/2024 17:32

They should have helped. Asking for help.

Excuse me, but what??? What do you mean 'help'? How come you are the default person responsible for everything and everyone else in the entire house just 'helps' you out, like they are begrudgingly doing you a favour?

They shouldn't think of it as helping you, everyone should be mucking in together to do chores and housework (age appropriate obviously), but seriously OP - you need to read them the riot act. If they won't listen, then down tools. Go on strike.

idontknowaboutyou · 04/06/2024 05:13

HÆLTHEPAIN · 03/06/2024 17:22

Makes me think of this.

Thank you

idontknowaboutyou · 04/06/2024 05:14

haddockfortea · 03/06/2024 17:32

They should have helped. Asking for help.

Excuse me, but what??? What do you mean 'help'? How come you are the default person responsible for everything and everyone else in the entire house just 'helps' you out, like they are begrudgingly doing you a favour?

They shouldn't think of it as helping you, everyone should be mucking in together to do chores and housework (age appropriate obviously), but seriously OP - you need to read them the riot act. If they won't listen, then down tools. Go on strike.

This is exactly how I feel!!

Fraaahnces · 04/06/2024 05:17

Why are you such a matyr? “I’ve hurt my
back and am in too much pain to walk the dog/load the dishwasher, etc…” Teenagers are perennially intolerant if asked to do anything that doesn’t suit their current needs. Why you want her approval is beyond me. I bet you got the dog because the kids wanted it. Use your words. Tell DH you want him to step up and help out until your back is better.

DoreenonTill8 · 04/06/2024 05:22

haddockfortea · 03/06/2024 17:32

They should have helped. Asking for help.

Excuse me, but what??? What do you mean 'help'? How come you are the default person responsible for everything and everyone else in the entire house just 'helps' you out, like they are begrudgingly doing you a favour?

They shouldn't think of it as helping you, everyone should be mucking in together to do chores and housework (age appropriate obviously), but seriously OP - you need to read them the riot act. If they won't listen, then down tools. Go on strike.

It doesn't sound like that though, sound like everyone has their tasks, dp was cooking dinner, op then does dishwasher. Do you do school run then work, or are you a sahp?

DoreenonTill8 · 04/06/2024 05:26

HÆLTHEPAIN · 03/06/2024 17:22

Makes me think of this.

And these type of memes to use mn phrase, make my teeth itch. On a par with the martyr-esque this one have seen recently!

To feel invisible
Fatotter · 04/06/2024 05:31

You need to ask for help. Communicate I’m not well enough to do this and that someone will have to takeover. No questions.

Teenagers always help in the end don’t take any disapproving reaction face from them personally.

Consider getting stronger painkillers and NSAI’s from the DR. Managing the pain and inflammation is the key to recovery.

Identify what is causing these episodes and protect your back more.

Walking the dog is not good if the dog pulls at all this could set you back weeks in recovery time.

Get well soon.

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