Panic attack on way to work

[ineedtogohome]

Due to start work in half an hour. Commute takes 90 mins on buses in total. I’ve got a horrible impending doom feeling I can’t shrug off. I’m only 3 weeks into this job. I’m absolutely knackered already. I don’t know if I can do this today.

Are you on your way in already? If you’re on a bus, take a minute to do some slow breathing - in for four, hold for 4, out for four. Picture each breath as one side of a square and keep going round that square in your head.

After that, one foot in front of the other and keep going until you get there.

I get this often, I have a terrible job.

Break the day into manageable chunks and remind yourself you just need to do enough to get paid. Resolve not to go above and beyond or get too bogged down in things. Don't aim for the highest quality work, adequate will do. Just think of the day in terms of mini goals. You have to get through to the mid morning tea round, then focus on getting though to lunch etc.

You would be within your rights to phone in sick although with you probably still being on probation you won't get occupational sick pay, only statutory sick pay.

Good luck, breathe, you can do this x

I’m on my way yeah, waiting on the second bus I need to catch. Trying to breathe normally. I don’t actually know what I’m supposed to do once I’m at work if that makes sense, there’s a lot I have to do but I’m awaiting training for some things still so it’s just a lot of sitting around trying to find stuff to keep busy with. I’m permanently scared I’m going to go wrong and there’s so much I have to remember, I got a 50 page ‘manual’ of tasks.

Perhaps try and have a one to one with your line manager today and explain how overwhelming it all is. Say you need more specific direction and a more prioritised list of tasks. I think that would be reasonable given that you are still learning the job. Some managers just don't know how to direct people and you have to tell them what you need.

I will do, I don’t want them to think I’m not capable but it’s a lot to try and understand - they have very strict systems for everything that in the public sector is normally left to management as opposed to newly qualified. I’m the only person in the team doing my role so I’ve got to do everything. I can’t be too specific about what it is in case I’m recognised by colleagues. It’s a good job and I’m enjoying it but it’s just the sheer volume of stuff I need to try and figure out. I also got the feeling there isn’t space for me to be anxious or neurodivergent, so I’m masking 24/7 which is exhausting in itself.

If you are ND then you would be within your rights to inform them and ask for reasonable adjustments. One of the adjustments might be to allow you to focus on certain aspects of the job one at a time in order to learn the ropes. You are a few days in, they can't expect anyone to know everything at this point.