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Original poster

Don’t want constant play dates

31 replies

Lucyintheskywithrubes · 03/06/2024 05:51

My youngest DS (7) has a friend, he’s an only child and the friendship very intense from his side, his mum is always asking to have my DS to “give us a break”. I would go so far as to say her DS is a bit obsessed with my DS. DH gets irritated as we don’t want/need a break, I try and say no as often as I can without upsetting things. My DS never asks for a play date unless the friend has instigated it. He has friends on the street he plays with outside of school and we are busy with clubs etc. It also then makes me feel like I “owe” her and I don’t want to be put in that position.

I just feel like it’s too much but I’ve said no so many times I’m not sure what else. I don’t want to throw a grenade. Has anyone else experienced this or am I just a miserable bag? Don’t have this issue with other two. Just want some reassurance that I just need to hang on a bit longer for it to pass.

OP posts:

Shortfatsuit · 09/06/2024 01:01

I understand the annoyance but you don't have to say yes if your ds doesn't want to go. Just explain that he needs some downtime at home.

If your ds does want to go, I guess you need to carefully examine why you're finding it so annoying. Obviously, it's ultimately your decision to let him go or not, but I think you should take his feelings into account as much as possible.

You certainly don't need to feel sorry for the other dc as an only child. His parents will find plenty of other ways of keeping him entertained. And this isn't an only child problem...my dd is an only and we had a very similar issue with one of her friends constantly inviting dd over despite the fact that said friend had a sister very close in age. Some parents are just very keen on playdates.

webs1991 · 04/07/2024 11:15

Why don’t you say something like got a lot on this week you’re more than welcome to join child at club on Wednesday that we they’ve both seen each other but you’re not going out of your way to do a one on one

webs1991 · 04/07/2024 11:16

Lucyintheskywithrubes · 05/06/2024 23:39

@Mrsgus there is a load of other stuff that I can't list as it is too outing but for e.g. he turns up to my DC's swimming lessons specifically to see my DC. Swims in the pool and waits for him to finish. You will have to take my word for it, since I posted I have spoken to his teacher who was already concerned.

Even without that other stuff, weekly playdates in any event are too much for us. Also I am not talking a quick play after school, the playdates are wanting to take him for full days out at the weekend.

I agree @beanii I am going to have to bite the bullet and speak up. I just don't want to make things awkward and my heart goes out to the friend. But my subtle attempts at boundaries just aren't cutting it.

Actually scrap my message about inviting to club I’d start phasing them out that’s weird to turn up and obviously not the child’s fault sounds a bit weird really

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ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/07/2024 11:19

I think you’re being miserable.

All kids need friends. Can’t believe your turning your nose up at him being invited out for the day.

It’s once a week!

webs1991 · 04/07/2024 11:19

Kazzybingbong · 09/06/2024 00:44

My daughter had a friend when she was in school. I’d often invite her round for play dates but her mum (who I believed was a friend of mine) forever made excuses not to.

Turns out, the mum is a complete bitch and my daughter suffered because of it. Are you like her? Because that’s not cool.

Maybe if you said yes occasionally, the mum wouldn’t need to keep asking. Does your son want to go? If so, you are being like my ex ‘friend’.

How is this helpful to op saying are you a bitch? Just because someone wants to be your friend doesn’t mean you have to that’s not a real friendship? Think your comment explains why someone would avoid as it’s not nice. If someone’s making excuses take the hint and move on. What’s the reason the mum needs to occasionally say yes when she doesn’t want to and has her own reasons?

rokaaroundthechristmastree · 04/07/2024 12:05

I had exactly this situation and they even bought their DS a bunk bed so they could have my DS round for sleepovers as well as attempting to monopolise every weekend (didn't get much time off from work on a weekend plus I found it easier to manage my other child with my DS there). Was fucking annoying to be honest and she turned out to be a bit of a spiteful witch.

Her kid was so obsessed with mine that when they were split up for year 1, he refused to come into school until they were reunited! My kid was very whatever about the entire thing and refers to him as crybaby now

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