Positive experiences with narcissists etc

[Softpaws7a]

I know that this might be a bit of a strange title so let me explain. I know that the vast majority of encounters with some personality disorders will be negative ones, but I am wondering about positive ones that people have had.

I was thinking about this today when I reconnected with a friend who has a disorder with a very negative connotation and realised that I have known him for about 2 decades now, and that he has never been anything but a friend to me and my family. I admit that part of me always remained a bit wary (and always will be) but it feels strange knowing that he has always been a friend when we needed him.

I work in a social capacity and I would say that I have a lot of experience with various mental health conditions, and I am certainly not naive about people. I felt happy today when we met, but I started feeling a bit sad about him as I drove home. He’s never given me any reason to regret trusting him, so why do I keep my guard up when I wouldn’t do the same with other friends (who have let me down). It’s simply because of expectations I have about his diagnosis, but not about his behaviour towards me. And it can’t be a one off so there must be others who have had good experiences with people who are deemed “bad” just because of a label?

I hope this makes sense and that I didn’t waffle too much 😊

Your thread title is an oxymoron.

Even when they're being nice to you it's all part of the play.

I understand what you are saying but there is nothing to gain from his friendship with us.

There is, you just haven't worked it out yet.

I think narcissism is very different to other types of diagnosis. From what I understand, your friend doesn't have a diagnosis of NPD but of another personality disorder that people associate with "bad things"? I am imagining something like Borderline Personality Disorder. In which case , I agree, I think there is a lot of prejudice against people with a BPD diagnosis and a lot of controversy for the diagnosis itself as it so often relates to people who have experienced significant trauma and their "disordered" personality is their attempt to survive/cope with the affects of that trauma. I would say someone with BPD is very capable of kindness and compassion and connection.

NPD is different. As someone's has said, there is no ability to have a genuine relationship/connection because other people are bit part actors in the play of the person's life. They are unable to not centre the selves. Someone with NPD can be incredibly charming and lovely up until the point you no longer serve a purpose.

A person with BPD may fuck up and let you down, but it will not be because they think you're irrelevant.

I really don’t think there is anything to be gained from us. There probably was a time 20-15 years ago but not now.
Anyway, it doesn’t seem like anyone has had similar experiences.
@NCGrandParent I agree with you and I think that bpd has an unnecessary bad reputation.

I too am curious about this after putting it in a search engine, did you learn anymore about this since your last post, OP?