Ds just asked ...

[Dsasd]

Ds is 9 . He just said mum if I was to die at this age now what would i die off 😭

Just say: 'old age' or 'galloping dandruff' and laugh it off. And then reassure him that it is very rare for children to die.

Try not to panic!
Lots of books 'for children' have intense scenes and situations. Children love these; they feel grown up and learn from them.
Start by asking for more background: why do you ask? What's on your mind?

He may be reading a particular book or have watched a programme on telly - even something as mild as Horrible Histories will be full of people dying for gruesome reasons and children often didn't make it past 5yrs or even 10.

Yeah I know logically it's nothing to worry about. It's just now and then I tho l omg wtf 😭

He can't read . I'm quite sure he's nlt watched any TV stuff. But can't be 100% so could be or something said in passing that he's heard

Sounds like he's an intelligent, observant character. Still worth asking what he's thinking since that is the clue. He'll tell you what he's encountered/overheard and you can tailor your answer. Plus it's intriguing to hear what's in their minds.

Yes definitely. Next time he says something similar I will ask him .

Answer him honestly, sugar coating these things is never good it is totally possible he will have a classmate or friend die of illness or accident. But of course you reassure him that children don't die very often in our country because we have clean water, take precautions when we travel and wear seatbelts and learn first aid and keep kits at home. Show him the kit and distract him by teaching him how to treat common household injuries if he doesn't already know like burns, scalds, cuts and the recovery position.

However, if he is 9 and can't read yet are there significant SEN at play?
Possibly reiterate things he already knows, some children die when they don't cross the road properly and don't use the proper crossings or run across the roads and get hurt by a car or other vehicle.

He won't understand stand all of that. He would get worried . Also we don't have a first aid kit have never had one.

Yes he had SEN has an EHCP and is autistic.

I guess he 's just at age he's just asking questions now . I found dog waking quite informative at this age if a bit 'bleak'

I would say "probably getting hit by a car, but you can avoid that by looking both ways and crossing carefully". Factual answer, a risk he is aware of, and the solution is in his hands.

That's a good idea. Thank you

Ok so stick to the truth and things that will help keep him safe particularly if he is a bolter like crossing the road and wearing seat belts.

As for a first aid kit get one and teach him how to use some of it even if it's just how to clean a wound with a wipe and to stick a plaster on. That doesn't require much understanding and most children like playing doctor even if they are sticking it onto you or a teddy.

What did you answer with OP?

Technically, the top three causes in 5 to 9 year olds are cancer, respiratory, and accidents. Accidental death is probably the easiest to explain of those, albeit the least likely.

I did not answer. Because he started saying he was going to die of C. It really hit me. So I just distracted him

If he's gone specifically for cancer, makes me wonder if something has come up at school. Maybe a child or a sibling been diagnosed?

My autistic child has gone through several phases of being fixated on death and dying, and said some extremely shocking things starting as a preschooler. It was absolutely surreal having these talks with him but it was important to him and I’ve always given him honest and factual, albeit not necessarily detailed, answers.

Some of the phases were curiosity about the biology of it and trying to understand how the society he lives in handles death and why - funerals, why we have flowers, what happens to the person after they die etc. He was satisfied with factual and age appropriate answers.

Some of those phases were on the face of it curiosity but really because he was extremely anxious about his own death and that of close family members and he was seeking a lot of reassurance.

And at least one of those phases was actually not really about death but he discovered that announcing he was going to die and the like had a certain shock value, especially with unfamiliar adults, and he was using it as a way out of dealing with upset or anger or an adult demand on him.

I’m not sure what your son’s level of understanding is, but I think while you might need to distract him “in the moment” if it’s a completely inappropriate time for that conversation, if at all possible you do need to engage with him on it and try and find out what’s behind it.

For what it’s worth my answer if my DS asked the question your son did would be “It’s very unusual these days for someone to die age nine, but yes it sadly does sometimes happen either because of a really bad accident or because of some rare illnesses. It’s not something you need to be worried about though, it’s very unlikely. What made you think of that question?”