I need a kick up the arse - anyone want to give me a kick up the arse?

[HoneyButterPopcorn]

I’m at that age when I should be looking forward to retirement (in about 7-8 years) but am worried about pension, bills (we live in a block with a large service charge), health, what have I done with my life, what’s it all about, the universe and everything!

Friends are doing ‘amazing things’ (they really are - international competition winners, artists, top of the pile business types earning mega bucks). Yes I know I’m bit talented or very brainy (or was ever prepared to/had the brains to push myself up the greasy pole - I worked in the city pre kids and never went back).

I really need a kick up the arse. Apathy has taken over. Argh.

Do you own your home? Are you outgoings high?
Do a financial plan. You might not be in as bad a situation as you think.
By the way I get how you feel. I feel the same way.

Yes we own it - outgoings mostly paying for DS uni (done want him to come out with student loan).

Could you maybe downsize to somewhere cheaper in years to come?
This is an option I am looking at.

Can’t really move - we are close to elderly relatives that I do shopping etc for.

That side of the family all live to their 90s (my side rarely make it to 80 so they’ll all outlive me!). Can’t go smaller!

Well I think the first thing you should do is stop comparing yourself to your friends.

Then think about the things you can change in your life - you can't go back and undo what you did or didn't do in your past but you can make changes to your future. As pp suggested can you move to somewhere that will reduce your overheads and bills. You can think about life style choices to improve your health. Etc.

I really think the key is looking forward to the future and not just back to the past with regret.

Edited to say I've just seen your update about not being able to move/ downsize.

Oh I know - you shouldn’t compare etc.

But sometimes when you see your friend in the papers winning awards you think ‘what the hell have I done?’. Of course I see all the hard work and sacrifice (no leg ups but some good breaks) I know it’s very very well deserve.

I am VERY good at giving people kicks up their arses!

I am a little closer to retirement than you. July 2027 and counting down the days 😁.

As a PP has said - don't compare yourself with others. It won't make you feel any better and it doesn't get you anywhere.

Financially - do what you can to build up your pension now. I'm putting away whatever I can into a savings account. I know you said you couldn't move, but could you look to see if you could find somewhere else to live that is local to where you are now? Your service charge is likely to go up and up. Or perhaps consider preparing to move when you retire or when you no longer need to live in the same area. It's lovely that you are doing what you can do that your son doesn't need to have a student loan, but student loans don't need to be paid back until you earn over a certain income and that is affordable, in my very humble opinion (been there, done that). I'm sure your son is absolutely wonderful, but do you think he would be able to subsidise you when you retire in the way that you are subsidising him now? It is most parents were instinct to protect and look after their children, but you also need to consider looking after yourselves.

Health - do what you can to keep your health now! There is no guarantee that even if you do you will still be healthy once you retire, but get into some good habits now and it will help.

🦶 🍑

I'd sit down with your DS and suggest he gets himself a paying job. A student loan isn't the end of the world, and a part time job looks good on a cv.

Put the money into your own savings pot

Not everyone wins awards, some people are just great people and that's enough. You're supporting your son at Uni - and he's at uni which is great in itself!

Don't be so hard yourself for not being spectacular - it's fine to be great 😊