Women who say they are attracted to “bad boys”

[Blackcats7]

What is meant by this? How bad is bad enough and what is too bad?
It sounds like more than just a preference for masculine men.
I hear it all the time on tv and wonder how much real life women feel the same.

I’m definitely not attracted to bad boys. Neither am I attracted to what my secretary used to call ‘a bit of rough’. Like my men smooth, sophisticated, intelligent and well dressed.

I have no idea what this means either. I grew up with awful men around me so I've always gone for nice blokes. Like "bondage play", I just can't see the appeal.

Yeah, I find ‘bad boys’ utterly tedious. And the endless predictable drama when the women who love bad boys are shocked and heartbroken to be treated badly by them again and again and again…. 🥱

It means they had a shit dad who showed them all the wrong signals for love and they will perpetuate this.

Why would ‘masculine men’ equate to ‘bad boys’?

Always accompanied by the usual heartbreak after he behaves like a bad boy. I don’t have much sympathy.

Is anyone over the age of 16 really attracted to bad boys?

It doesn’t always go this way, though - I had a shit dad and learned from witnessing his shenanigans that when people talk about ‘insane chemistry’ with a unsuitable man, what they are actually experiencing is an eroticised response to psychopathy.

I still haven’t made brilliant choices relationship-wise, but I have managed to give the psychopaths a swerve.

My mum has said she's only attracted to “bad boys" and that's why she has to remain single. She gets the ick when men are nice. Her partners have been violent dickheads and I don't get it at all. I am the opposite, seeing my dad's outrageous aggressive behaviour has made me hyper sensitive to aggressive macho men and I run a mile.

Usually what they are saying is:

'My family home was not a safe place to be (emotionally or physically) so men who keep me on edge feel like home to me. The abuse cycle hits my dopamine receptors big time. I have a rescuer impulse so I can be the one to change him / save him!' A healthier place to be is: 'I recognise that I will feel uncomfortable and probably bored with a man who treats me well because it's a foreign country for me. I will turn my rescuer impulse towards myself and do whatever I can to heal my wounds.'

Erm no. I've always preferred someone who's middle of the road for want of a better expression.

I don't want the drama of someone's bad behaviour or the worry of what's going to happen next or the police arriving on the doorstep.

I can understand the attraction where someone is different and very attractive but I leave the appreciation as that and from a distance.

I love the illustration of the healthier place to be. This is what is missing from so much advice to women who find themselves in this predicament.

I think I am one of those women, so yes we exist 🫣

Bad enough to post on mumsnet in a few years: " I knew he had 3 kids by 3 women, I knew the bitches wouldn't let him see his kids. When we met he was due in court on drugs related charges. I knew he had been set up and was innocent. I knew he had a conviction for GBH but the victim actually started it. He only hits me because he loves me. He always apologises. Oh and I'm expecting our third child next week"

Because they love the drama. Someone predictable wouldn't ever fit their needs.

I don’t get it at all. I like intelligent, thoughtful, witty, kind, easygoing and slightly nerdy men.
Thank god I married one!
I always wondered if the “bad boy” attraction was a bit of a pose… do some people think it’s “cool” to be with one?

"Bad boy" behaviour has always turned me off. No one wants a man ringing them every 5 minutes and turning up unannounced with bags of gifts. I've had that and it's creepy and makes me think there's something wrong when they're so desperate to get into a relationship before they even know me. But when they play hard to get it just makes me not bother. There's a middle ground where a man can show he's interested in you without appearing too full on.

It means they are attracted to dickheads.

I don't know one single woman who has ever said this, outside of teenage antics to promote an edgy image. Most women want a kind, reliable and friendly sort to build a stable, supportive and drama free relationship.

@SquirrelSoShiny thanks for a very informative post, I have worked with women as a volunteer who are survivors of domestic abuse and this is exactly the scenario in almost all cases.

True but it's the dopamine they're used to from a hectic home life usually. Not an "excuse" but it always comes from somewhere.

From some I know, they like the excitement, unpredictability, drama, the men are often very good looking/gym bodies and have the ego to go with it, charmers, passionate arguments. Maybe there's a criminal element, maybe enjoying the rebellion of knowing parents wouldn't approve. Then they are surprised when he cheats or is abusive. But of course he will, all the aforementioned traits make it obvious. Then she gets addicted to the pain and passionate making up, him chasing her again. Feels like a movie romance to them.
I see it all the time
Every time I see a woman getting with a gym nut with tattoos I know what's coming and it always does.

When I was young I loved the excitement of a bad boy. It's all fun and games until you're a couple of kids in and he's standing on your head when he's drunk too much.

Luckily I'm not an 18 year old anymore and I've grown up.

To me it means women want to be treated badly, sure I don't get it but happens time and time again, never ending cycle with the next generation

In my circle, it’s used to mean players or ‘fuck boys’. Men who aren’t really boyfriend material but who, through their charisma and hot looks, give the impression that they would be fantastic in bed.

I am attracted to such men, but not in a ‘would like to marry and build a life with this person’ sort of way.