Being a complete basket case about Dd tonsillectomy, please talk me down with your mn wisdom!

[Cadela]

Dd has been really suffering with tonsillitis. She had a referral to ENT who said it wasn’t bad enough to have them out about 6 months ago, but after recent second referral have agreed it’s time.

Trouble is I’m being a fucking nightmare about it (not to Dd!) and just am petrified of her having surgery, and potential bleeding afterwards as obviously have read up about it and scared myself shitless.

I have severe health anxiety anyway due to having epilepsy myself, so trying my very hardest not to pass this on to Dd. I have weekly therapy for this. But honestly this is sending me over the edge with the thought of it.

My DD had hers out at four years, had her adenoids out aged 3.

I will say DD was in a lot of pain with the tonsillectomy until about 6 days afterwards when the scabs fell off. I think the area scabbing over was worse than the actual recovery from the op so do bear that in mind. Full daily doses of painkillers calpol and neurofen then suddenly as though a switch has been flicked, no painkillers. It was weird.

Don't let her have fruit juice or any fruit such as grapes etc. It's like drinking battery acid (my own experience aged 18).

How old is she?
It is a really rough operation, my partner had it as a child and said he remembers how unwell he felt and he did have bleeding after surgery. This is why they don't like to do it.
This isn't to scare you but maybe reconsider or leave it a bit longer?
I had recurrent tonsillitis my whole teen years and was always on penicillin and they said I would grow out of it. It slowed down when I got to about 16 and then from about aged 19 I didn't get it much at all. I'm 28 now and my last bout was when I was 21.

My sister and niece had theirs out after many infections and lots of time off school - best decision ever. My sister hasn't had an issue since - 20 years later. And Niece is doing really well after 2 years (she was 7 when operated).

Yes - some soreness (ice cream and new toys help!) but soon forgotten and normally well managed with painkillers / rest.

As therapy isn't managing your anxiety and impacting health decisions, maybe it's time to speak to your GP about medication, most likely short term to help you cope through this period. Speak to PALS at a hospital where your DD is likely to have them out if you decide to go that way, explain what you are feeling and ask whether you can talk it through with the paediatric department - they may be able to help you work through logically.

It's horrible feeling this way - sorry you are going through this, but do speak out to professionals.

I had mine out at 36. They were a massive infection well that caused me a huge amount of problems - the constant immune response triggered a violent immune disease that attacked my kidneys and made me very very ill. Having them removed was the best thing as ever did. Yes, it was painful -:it’s important to wake up in the night to take the pain meds otherwise it’ll hurt like hell. But I’ve been SO much better since having them out - no longer on immunosuppressants either.
Short term pain, long term gain.
Be brave - she’ll thank you for this in the long run.

You can plan ahead.
Get the correct meds. (Maybe use Calpol/ via syringe)
Buy a soft diet - custard, soup, mashed banana,
Have ice packs.
in the last 5 years one of mine has had tonsils out, wisdom teeth removed and a tongue tie snipped. Irs not fun but they get through it. You will, too.

My son had his out around the age of 4 - I was a complete nervous wreck - he bounced back after a day or 2.
she will be given pain killers afterwards- I seem to remember it was paracetamol, profen & morphine.
he’s been much healthier since he had them out.

I understand, my d's has had lots of operations and he is having another one on Wednesday. How old is she? It's harder on older children. I was 10 when I had mine out and I was off the painkillers and running around the next day, eating normally the day after that. The little ones on the same ward were jumping about and asking for food as soon as they got back from theatre.

Thank you! Unfortunately with my epilepsy I am really restricted with what meds I can take, and already take a benzo that does help seizures but sadly not the anxiety. Therapy has only been for a few months so I’m getting there slowly.

Really useful advice re PALS, didn’t even think of that. Thank you.

Sending lots of love for you on Wednesday, hoping everything goes smoothly for your DS.

Dd is 7, so perfect age for it really. It’s just me holding her back. Not fair on her I know!

Can I ask if you don’t mind, how do you cope during the surgeries? Can you leave the waiting bit? I feel like I’d need to pace.

Dp had his out as an adult recently. His surgeon said kids bounce back from it fine, adults not so much 😂😂 I can confirm this to be true 😂. She'll be fine. Just lots of soft food that you can easily swollow, nothing sharp or lumpy, so pasta, yogurt, soggy corn flakes, ice cream etc and plenty of painkillers

My DS had his tonsils out when he was 4. Before then he’d been having tonsillitis about once a month. Although week after the op is a bit tough, I would say it’s probably not worse than a really bad case of tonsillitis. The main thing is to keep on top of pain meds (even if it means waking up in the night to give them at first), stock up on lollies and ice cream as well as salty crisps, which the nurses told me help with healing. I remember reading that post-op discomfort is worse about 5 days after the op, which was true for him. Having said all of that, his quality of life was SO improved afterwards, I would 100% go through that not-so-great week again for how much better his life was afterwards.

My daughter had her tonsils out recently. She was 17 and had missed horrendous amounts of school from 11 with constant re-infections. She was properly ill with every instance for up to a week, got worse as she got older. Ridiculous high temperatures, vomiting, pain for days, literally sat in the chair or in bed for days on end. with us putting cold compresses on, frightened she would end up fitting due to high temperatures., could not get calpol down her because of the vomiting. Look, I was nervous too, but it is the best thing we ever did for our DD. Yes it is nerve-wracking, especially as she was not classed as a child when she went for the op (so I could not be with her) but she had it done, and she had a couple of days of "some" pain (they gave her loads of meds to cope with the pain, so even she says it wasn't that bad compared with the nightmare of tonsillitus) and they gave her Difflam for her throat. Don't pass up the opportunity. It is quite a straightforward procedure for them. The child recovers fairly quickly, and it is honestly better than years and years of suffering. Just my view, but if you have been advised to go for it, then do !! Sorry it is such a nerve wracking thing, but honestly, you won't regret it. xxx

My son has had a fair amount of surgery - not this one but a few others. The very first time he had a general anaesthetic I was beside myself. It has varied but usually my son has had gas to go off to sleep which I’ve always been able to stay in the room for, and then when I’ve left the room they give stronger sedatives for the surgery itself. The staff were great but there is just something about seeing your child in that floppy state. I’m saying this to hopefully prepare you rather than scare you. Usually just one parent can go into the room. After surgery they will go to recovery and you’ll be give a very basic update usually by the nurse but the surgeon will also come to see you and give a bit more detail on the surgery.

It’s hard not to worry but it will be much better for her in the long run.

Thank you. I find distraction helps me. First I always go off and get some food because I always feel guilty about eating when ds can't so I am always starving when he goes down to theatre. Then I settle down with some good tv on either my tablet or portable dvd player and my knitting. He is having his baby teeth taken out this time which shouldn't be too long thankfully. Last time it was a 3 hour operation which was really hard.

My DD had her tonsils and adenoids out around the same age. She was in and out of theatre in less than an hour, I couldn’t believe it! Important to keep the meds topped up especially around mealtimes. The advice now is to eat normal food as it aids the healing process. So def do eat toast/cereal/ crisps etc. They wouldn’t discharge DD until they’d seen her eat something. She even had a McDs the evening she got home! As others have said there is a dip around 4/5 days but all in all she was fine and so much better for having it done.

Forgot to add, yes you can leave the waiting bit. The nurses in our hospital always encourage going to get food/drink/fresh air. If I'm at the local hospital I just go to Costa/m and s but if we are in the children's hospital there is a little shop that is raising money for the hospital so I always go in there and get him a little toy.

I’ve had two kids go through tonsillectomy and I will say that whilst it’s a brutal operation, it is also life changing in how much better both of my kids have been since having them out. Definitely worth doing if you have a child who is unwell with tonsillitis regularly.

if you’re worried about bleeding I’d actually ask about having antibiotic cover post op. Both of ours bled and it was down to infection. Really scary tho.

its horrendously painful for the first 7-10 days but we honestly haven’t looked back.

My DD had hers out when she was 6. Really, it was an absolute breeze. She wanted to go back to school 2 days later but wasn’t allowed until a week later. The overwhelming majority of children suffer no ill effects.

My daughter had tonsillectomy the day after her 4th birthday. An absolute game changer ,she gained weight healthy appetite and a different child . I cannot remember the post op recovery so it must have been unremarkable.

If you are not a single parent you need to hand this over to her dad and let him deal with the doctors/hospital trip/recovery. Your child needs her operation and she needs her responsible adult being strong for her, and you are unable to put your own fears aside.

Nobody likes the idea of their kids having operations under general anaesthetic. There are always some risks involved in any procedure but this is a very routine and widely practised operation. So they wouldn’t have offered it if not in her best interests.

I had mine out as an adult privately and my only regret is not doing sooner. Avoid acidic foods, keep up painkillers and she will be fine after a few days or so.

You know this is your health anxiety talking rather than realistic risks so either you get her Dad to take the lead or you need to find a way of managing it so as to allow her to improve her health by having this.

Thank you all! I am a lone parent, but doing absolutely everything within me to not pass my fears onto Dd. It’s just very hard shouldering absolutely everything and I don’t have anyone to share my worries with.

I really, really appreciate everyone who has explained it all and it’s really helped. I know it’s the best for Dd and I need to pack it in.

I’ll speak to the consultant secretary next week and get her booked in.

@Cadela share them with us and we will collectively get you through

My son had a number of ops when he was small, I hated it every time. The worse bit was taking them to theatre, it was not unusual for me to walk back in tears. It just seemed like a huge thing to do to him and I'd signed the paper so it was all on me. However, they never did get round to taking his tonsils out. When he was 20 he had a quinsey, blue light job in the middle of the night and a week in hospital. That night will live with me forever, I was so scared. 3 weeks later they finally took out his tonsils.

I had my tonsils out as a child and remember some pain, bleeding etc but to reassure you, no nasty memories or trauma! So even if the worst happens it will be momentarily scary but not disastrous.

Recent experience of surgery: echoing previous posts about keeping on top of painkiller schedule, especially for the first few days. It's tempting to say 'nah I can cope with this, I can wait' but if you leave it it becomes unbearable and you then have to wait for it to kick in. You can alternate paracetamol and ibuprofen too (could also have them at the same time, but alternating means you're giving something more often). Keeping a painkiller diary/schedule might be a good distraction.

It's completely understandable that you're finding it anxiety-inducing! I'm an anxious person and coped with my own surgery by planning, making lots of lists, stocking up for the post-surgery period. Well done to you for facing this and asking Mumsnet for help. Your DD is lucky to have you!