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What would you think in this situation. (May be sensitive)

18 replies

What2think · 30/05/2024 20:57

My dd has a friend. She a bit distant for a while the occasional text here and there. She reached out to Dd a few days ago. She's always been kind to dd etc she's a lovely person.

Her friend told her that she's had her child removed from her care. Because the child was loosing weight and being different at school so social services were contacted. And the children is now in the care of a relative.

In the home the there's 1 futon /sofa bed. Fridge. Clothes and toys . No carpets or other furniture. The mum had been having financial difficulties/debts for a long time. To the point her child nore her are eating as then should. As I say the child is in care of family member now . Social services have told her she can get her child once her home in furnished and she's got regular food in the house .

The mum has hot very skinny she's got from a size 8/10 and is now a size 4 in clothes . Her face is all drawn in. She looks ill.

I was just trying to sort her out a food shop for her. And asked when she would be home to take the food delivery. She said she's not home till Thursday so a week away. I asked where is she staying. And dd said she's been staying with her boyfriend. So then I'm thinking how comes her boyfriend is not feeding her. And I'm thinking if she can wait a week for food is she really that desperate. I was going to order a few bits of my catalogue for her but in not sure on that now

She also done something on her social media asking if her friends can help her out with an expensive bill she has. She said she knows its a big ask she understands if people can't etc etc . I'm not sure of the wording.

I can't work out if she's got so stressed and in such a bad place mentally and stopped eating and looking after herself because of the situation of her child being taken. The dept the empty house and how she's going to sort it all.

But there is a bit of me thinking could she have an addiction? Because it really threw me when she said she can wait a week for food. She's Been staying at her boyfriend but is extremely skinny.

I'm also think social services will often help with furniture etc not just say . Sort yoir furniture situation. Child will be staying with relative till it's sorted and no support to help her do that.

Am I right to be suspicious. I really pray she just needs to get on her feet and maybe she just does not want to be in the empty house.

OP posts:
What2think · 30/05/2024 21:31

Sorry to bump so soon. Just want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.

OP posts:
TheHorneSection · 30/05/2024 21:33

That’s a very difficult situation. There could possibly be other issues you’re not privy to so I’d be wary of offering money. Instead, are either of you in a position to advise on charities, maybe help her with meetings?

ComfyButFrumpy · 30/05/2024 21:33

As I was reading your first post, I thought that it would be drug related.

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sprigatito · 30/05/2024 21:34

It sounds like a very entrenched drug addiction problem to me.

What2think · 30/05/2024 21:37

ComfyButFrumpy · 30/05/2024 21:33

As I was reading your first post, I thought that it would be drug related.

I'm thinking this. But I want to be wrong. Me getting her things for her home is not going to get her child back if there's deeper things going on.

OP posts:
SausageRoll2020 · 30/05/2024 21:42

I'd stay well away

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowItHaveAGin · 30/05/2024 21:45

Ime when a child gets removed by SS, the parent will pick the least worst thing from the list of complaints and go with that.

I have also known families with financial difficulties and SS have helped out rather than remove the child. My old neighbour had new carpets and furniture sourced by SS, another family I know had a full deep clean of their house sorted by SS.

I wouldn't be helping out at all tbh, sounds like you could just be funding a druggie, and she's choosing to stay with her boyfriend rather than do the work to get her kid back.

What2think · 30/05/2024 21:45

SausageRoll2020 · 30/05/2024 21:42

I'd stay well away

Yes I Need to have a chat with dd.

OP posts:
Upallnight2 · 30/05/2024 21:55

Drugs came to mind when she's lost so much weight. The cheap food is unhealthy which is why a lot of people with little money are actually overweight. Sounds like she has been neglecting her child

What2think · 30/05/2024 22:18

Upallnight2 · 30/05/2024 21:55

Drugs came to mind when she's lost so much weight. The cheap food is unhealthy which is why a lot of people with little money are actually overweight. Sounds like she has been neglecting her child

I thought due to stress and lack of money. But then when I found out she was staying at the boyfriends house. And didn't want food delivered to her own house till next week. It made me get a bit suspicious. Plus how is she going to sort the home if shes not there . Its been 2 months since her child has not been with her. I forgot to mention that in my op. I'm even.more suspicious now.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 30/05/2024 22:24

I also think drug related. If it was genuine poverty, social services would sign post her to sources of help, rather than remove her child.

cestlavielife · 30/05/2024 22:29

Why are you getting involved? You do not know anything about her? She has a boyfriend so up to her and him. Hopefully the child is better off with the relative.

TiredArse · 30/05/2024 22:29

Don’t give her any money and don’t buy her anything.

AwkwardPaws27 · 30/05/2024 22:32

Rather than buying her things, could you help collect some free items from Freecycle/Gumtree/Facebook Marketplace? Then you are still helping but not financially.

Cabincrew1 · 30/05/2024 22:32

Drugs !!

What2think · 30/05/2024 22:47

TiredArse · 30/05/2024 22:29

Don’t give her any money and don’t buy her anything.

I'm not going to now. Its so sad though . She's been a rock to Dd in the past.

OP posts:
MrsJackThornton · 30/05/2024 22:51

Parents living with children in emergency hostels using food banks don't get their children taken off them.

And if it was just a lack of furniture social services would be more likely to help source furniture. Again people placed in council houses that come without carpets or furniture don't get their children taken off them until they get carpets and furniture sorted.

There will be bigger problems here, perhaps drugs as others have said.

turkeymuffin · 31/05/2024 09:07

Sounds like a dodgy boyfriend & addiction situation.

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