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Backstabbing colleagues...

19 replies

Startingagainandagain · 30/05/2024 17:08

Why do they do it and how best to deal with them...Just that really.

I had a catch up meeting with my line manager last week and to my surprise one person and their direct report apparently mentioned to my manager that I had been 'blunt' in a meeting, 'almost rude' and could be inapproachable.

Never had this feedback in previous roles.

No clear example of what I was supposed to have said either so it was difficult for me to respond.

These 2 people are staff members that I have always bent over backwards to praise and support in their own projects and have always been friendly/polite to as I do with everyone else.

This is a really chaotic organisation with a lot a lot of internal politics, where everything was often done at the last minute (and often badly because of it) so I have had to put in place new processes to improve delivery and have a cohesive result that a couple people are just trying to bypass/refuse to engage with. Nobody had been in my post for a while before me and there has been a high turnover in this role. I had to start everything again from scratch and have always delivered.

I am however expecting people to respect the function I perform and not waste my time by leaving things at the last minute and I have had to stand my ground on this. I suspect people who called me 'unapproachable' are the ones who have been refusing to engage with new processes because they just can't be bothered...

I am job hunting because I now know this long standing culture will never change but I must say that I was shocked that these particular two people could be so two-face.

I personally would always do the courtesy to address any issue I might have with someone face to face first, especially if that person had always been supportive of me...but that's just me.

Anyway at least I now know not to trust these 2 in any way.

OP posts:
stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 17:15

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stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 17:16

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stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 17:17

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stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 17:18

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ChidiAnagonye · 30/05/2024 17:21

I’m with you OP. I think it’s poor form for your line manager not to perform some form
of mediation.

stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 17:28

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GasPanic · 30/05/2024 17:41

Revenge is a dish best served cold and at a distance.

stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 17:41

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Fromage · 30/05/2024 17:45

Do you think you haphazard chaotic colleagues were trying to push the blame onto you, for their deadline failures and poor performance?

Because "it would help me overcome these issues if only Startingagainandagain were approachable.....you know she has been rude and blunt in meetings" might be the sort of excuse a person under fire could bullshit at their appraisal.

bfsham · 30/05/2024 17:48

What's wrong with blunt ?
Can they provide evidence and examples?

ArchaeoSpy · 30/05/2024 17:53

it can vary, some times some say x, sometimes its down to interpretation then it could also someone making out others have said x when they have not etc

i suggest reading the book the 48 laws of power, by robert greene

Startingagainandagain · 30/05/2024 18:43

@stealthbroccoli

''so you think more than these two think you’re unapproachable

and i find this paragraph quite… telling''

No.

A staff member told me they could not be bothered to fill in a form. I pointed it out to them that this was the agreed procedure that everyone else is following and that they would need to take the time to do it.

They are not even the one who complained, it is one to the two people I am referring to who heard me remind that person of the correct process and who then used that against me with my manager.

As mentioned I have never had this issue in my 25 year career in that sector.

OP posts:
Startingagainandagain · 30/05/2024 18:50

@ham · Today 17:48
What's wrong with blunt ?
Can they provide evidence and examples?

That's the thing. No concrete example/evidence was provided.

I am a manager too and if a staff member came to me with this type of complaint I would ask them to provide concrete examples of what was said and whether there was a pattern of behaviour before saying anything to the person being complained about.

If not it is just giving attention to someone trying to steer the pot which is why I am referring to 'backstabbing'...

OP posts:
bfsham · 30/05/2024 18:57

Sounds toxic OP. Do you have any allegiances there ?

stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 19:22

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stealthbroccoli · 30/05/2024 19:24

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Startingagainandagain · 31/05/2024 15:35

@stealthbroccoli

I find it rather odd that you felt the need to look all my previous threads and make several negative comments here.

Reported.

OP posts:
bfsham · 31/05/2024 19:41

What does your manager want you to do ? Sugarcoat the message next time?

Startingagainandagain · 01/06/2024 09:18

'@bfsham
What does your manager want you to do ? Sugarcoat the message next time?'

It was all very vague. They could not tell me what was seen as 'rude/abrupt' and there were no advice on how to address it. So it just felt like an attack of my character rather than my actual work/performance without any clear evidence to back it up.

Honestly, I think they are trying to push me out one way or another and because they can't criticise my work, they are trying to pick on something else.

I have a disability/protected characteristic which is known to HR and my manager. Since I took some sick leave when I had a big health crisis linked to it, things have become more and more difficult. The organisation is not doing well and I feel like I am now being singled out.

The issue is often that people refuse to follow the processes in place that allows me to do my job (basically they can't be arsed) so I have to remind people that things are not optional and stand my ground. Then I get criticised for it and suggestions are being made that it is my fault that people don't want to follow the correct process, so it is making things impossible.

I am starting to document everything in writing in case this turns into full on bullying/an excuse to get rid of me.

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