2 dc, 8 and 6.
Dad has one overnight every second weekend, he decided this schedule and refuses to even have them for tea on the other week so they at least see him weekly.
Problems - his house is a shit hole. I've stopped contact once due to some videos my dd took on her tablet that showed an overflowing litter box, mouldy plates and rubbish everywhere (he lives alone), I said he could see them when he cleans up, which he did. He has also sent them home drinking out of mouldy juice bottles before now. His house isn't that bad now, but it's still not great.
He's manipulative. Dd wanted to do a competition for her sport one weekend so told him she wasn't coming, he started manipulating her saying how sad he will be if he doesn't see her. On his birthday and Xmas he tells them how lonely he is and his life stops while he waits for them to see him, so they are then sad thinking of him alone.
He's pretty sexist, dresses them in 'girly' clothes only, one dd loves that, the other absolutely hates it, she exclusively wears tracksuit bottoms and jumpers. Says they have to keep their hair long or they won't look nice etc. Body shames women in the street (according to dds) and talks negatively about women's looks, especially ones who don't wear makeup.
He has one single bed for them, I said one month to not pay me maintenence and get bunk beds and he told me to ram it he doesn't need my charity. 8yo absolutely hates this sleeping arrangement.
Younger dd wets the bed and says she's sick for 2/3 nights after she comes back from hos house.
He is unreliable, several times he has slept in (in the evening) when he is supposed to pick up the girls. This leaves them very upset.
He charged me when I needed an operation and begged him to take the girls for a few days, I had to pay him then never heard the end of this 'favour'.
They are due there this week again and the days of upset after they come home just don't feel worth it for maintaining this relationship sometimes. He's not a great dad, the girls love spending time with him when they are there, but then the next 3/4 days seem to be complaining about his shitty behaviour, having no space there, and then a further week of processing shit he says and me explaining things to them, it's all sorted for a day or 2, then back to visitation and square one.
There's no abuse as such, he doesn't hit them or whatever, but he's a manipulative POS and it's clearly affecting them.
Is this a petty reason for stopping contact? It feels like it, but I just can't face another week of dealing with the shit he inflicts.
I've tried to talk to him many times, and he rarely listens, or says stuff like "well you did X wrong so you can't talk". I just exhausted from dealing with his failings tbh.