Getting school to address physical bully age 9

[Emmac1972]

Hi, my 9 year old son is being targeted by a girl in school. Apparently her dad’s a boxer, she boxes too and seems like violence is the language at home. She’s physically harmed my child on many occasions, 3 of which involved 6-8 children ganging up on my son and kicking and punching him on the floor. She’s also had him in a choke hold at least twice. The school recently called it pushing and shoving and silliness. Clearly it’s way more serious than that. Her mom is not interested. I told my son not to fight back and to tell a teacher but there were no staff around. Then I told him to fight back. School admitted it was self defence but still punished him for being physical. I think the girl enjoys the physical side so fighting back encourages her. I’d like to take it further with the school but calling it ‘silliness’ doesn’t suggest they’re going to stop it. Do any teachers have advice? Has anyone used an advocate or paid an advocate or lawyer to deal with a school? Ideally this girl is prevented from going anywhere near my son but she only strikes when no staff around. All help and advice appreciated!

Have you met with the Head and the Governors? I would suggest starting there, and send a copy of your concerns to Ofsted if nothing is done. Does this child only target your child or could you involve other parents?
Personally I’d take my child out of school but I know others might see this as letting her ‘win’.

Your poor child. I hope you get this sorted quickly.

Ask to see school's anti-bullying policy. If they are not following it, which sounds likely, then I would contact the Chair of Governors and the local authority. You can also involve the police.

If it’s that bad I would honestly consider taking him out, especially if the other child’s parents are encouraging this behaviour and it is normalised to this little girl, it will be hard to put a stop to it short term and you need to protect his well-being and self esteem above all. Realistically they will not be able to be kept apart at all times unless he has a 1:1. It does sound like the school are discipling the children for the violence though, if you son has also been told off? Mention it again to the teacher, and respectfully let them know that you would like them to escalate this to the head teacher otherwise you will be doing so. Is there a particular time of day it’s happening? If so I would ask if you can come and sit in (without being seen by your son) at the time of day it happens and watch them. Pitch it to teacher or head as a chance to see that it is just playfulness/boisterousness as they say. That way you will know exactly what is going on first hand and can make a decision from there taking him out, escalating to governors…

Agree you need to read the anti bullying policy and the complaints policy, and act accordingly. Both should be on the school website.

I’m a bit unclear as to why you are singling out the girl when you say she harmed him but 6-8 children were kicking and punching him? How was she responsible for the actions of the other children?

Sign your son up for defence classes. It will give him the confidence to not take any shit of this devil child

He hit back in self defence at the girl (teacher acknowledged this) and then she began crying and her friend rallied a group of girls to run him down the field and lay into him. Apparently he was curled up and crying when a year 6 intervened. His best friend begged them to attack him instead, but they wanted my son. It’s at least the second time this gang of girls has done this. He was bullied at his last school by a troubled child so I’m wondering what’s going on for them to pick on him. He doesn’t like fighting back but is tall for his age so not an obvious target. We will find a good self defence class but this child enjoys a fight.