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Do you think you ever stop 'parenting'?

10 replies

Beansandneedles · 29/05/2024 17:23

My parents invited us to stay for half term. On arrival they've laid the rules out that they don't want to be 'hosting'. We're responsible for deciding what our family will eat, making the meals, tidying up after ourselves etc. I'm very happy with this arrangement and readily agreed to the terms. But they now seem incapable of actually following through on their request. As soon as I'm starting to do something they want to know what I'm doing, how I plan to do it and interfere in what I'm doing. For example I just tried to start cooking on the hob and got 'oh you don't want to use the hob, you do that in the microwave', then started to get things out of the fridge, put in a microwave bowl, ask me how much of this and that I need. At this point they're also doing things in a way my kids don't particularly like, but I don't want to be rude or seem ungrateful, and if I wasn't here everyone would just do their thing and the kids would adapt fine I'm sure. Has happened about a few different things in the last few days, honestly think it would be easier on everyone if I could just leave the kids and grandparents to it!

Anyway long story short I'm now in the kitchen alone with half my dinner in the microwave which means all the timings are out for the rest of it, and said grandparent having interfered has left the room satisfied. I feel like a child too scared to argue with my father lest I be chastised.

Aye me!! Is this going to be me in 30 years?! Send me some patience!

OP posts:
UnravellingTheWorld · 29/05/2024 17:27

My parents still parent me and it PISSES ME OFF. They also try and parent my son, WHILE I AM PARENTING HIM!!! 😡😡😡

Yes, this will absolutely be us in 39 years 😅

Next time just tell them "Yes, I do want to use the hob. you may want to use the microwave, but that's not how I choose to do things"

Beansandneedles · 29/05/2024 17:34

UnravellingTheWorld · 29/05/2024 17:27

My parents still parent me and it PISSES ME OFF. They also try and parent my son, WHILE I AM PARENTING HIM!!! 😡😡😡

Yes, this will absolutely be us in 39 years 😅

Next time just tell them "Yes, I do want to use the hob. you may want to use the microwave, but that's not how I choose to do things"

I wish I were brave enough to do that! Will file it away in case I'm feeling bold one of these days. Have always had it drummed into me how to behave in someone else's house. We've only stay here once before as a family, 3 or 4 years ago, so very much feel like a guest. Which doesn't tally with the 'we're not hosting you' chat. Think that is the bit which threw me off tbh. I'd be thrilled not to be hosted...or to be hosted... Either way! This in between vibe is hard to follow the rules of.

OP posts:
Beansandneedles · 29/05/2024 17:35

UnravellingTheWorld · 29/05/2024 17:27

My parents still parent me and it PISSES ME OFF. They also try and parent my son, WHILE I AM PARENTING HIM!!! 😡😡😡

Yes, this will absolutely be us in 39 years 😅

Next time just tell them "Yes, I do want to use the hob. you may want to use the microwave, but that's not how I choose to do things"

Have to say they've never once interfered whilst I was parenting though. That must have been tremendously vexing!! How did you handle it?

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thistimelastweek · 29/05/2024 17:37

Pretty sure I play the parent card when my adult children visit but I try very hard to wind it back.

I never try to parent them in their own homes. I sit back and let them call the shots.

Bellevilles · 29/05/2024 17:43

They also try and parent my son, WHILE I AM PARENTING HIM!!

Goodness, this used to annoy me when my MIL did it. I am going to try with all my might not to do it to my own children.

I think when you are in their house and doing things differently to how they would do it, you just need to take it on the chin. I think a lot of us would struggle to stay silent seeing someone in our kitchen using the "wrong" implements. Agree with the idea it might be easier to let them just get on with it.

My mum will tell me I'm using the wrong knife in my own kitchen 😂

stayathomer · 29/05/2024 17:48

Yes I think we’ll all do it in the future!!!

fussychica · 29/05/2024 17:51

Well I cook for him and his partner as I consider it a bit of a holiday and a break for them as they have very stressful jobs. They get to choose what we eat and I prepare it but if they wanted to cook I'd get out of the way. We fit in with whatever they want to do, walking, quizzing, watching sport when they come. Might be a bit different if I saw them every week but as its only every couple of months it's fine.

thisraincangetfucked · 29/05/2024 17:55

Yeah sorry, I do this 😂 I don't mean to...and I'm getting better at trying to stop myself 😬

Beansandneedles · 29/05/2024 18:08

thisraincangetfucked · 29/05/2024 17:55

Yeah sorry, I do this 😂 I don't mean to...and I'm getting better at trying to stop myself 😬

If it helps I do think it firmly comes from a place of love! Im trying to very placidly go with the flow as much as possible.

OP posts:
UnravellingTheWorld · 29/05/2024 18:15

Beansandneedles · 29/05/2024 17:35

Have to say they've never once interfered whilst I was parenting though. That must have been tremendously vexing!! How did you handle it?

Tbh we have a pretty direct relationship, so I tell them to back off and let me be the parent. I'm not saying it works, and I'm not saying it's the best way to handle it, but that's how I avoid blowing up and swearing at them in front of my child 😅

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