Anyone know any compulsive liars?

[CompulsiveReader]

I joined one of the Mumsnet "due in X" groups and we have a WhatsApp chat which is lovely but there's one woman who comes out with the most unbelievable tales.

She tells these long stories with a lot of "she said this, then I said that, so she said this and I said that" just super detailed. The stories themselves are on the boundary of something that might possibly have happened on a weird day but the level of detail is just so high and screams liar to me. I noticed that the stories generally have the theme of people noticing something mildly unusual or impressive about her/her kids and making a big deal of it or else it's someone you wouldn't expect to pay you any attention (celebrity etc) having conversations with her.

I don't know why she does it though, nobody in the group ever really comments on or reacts to her stories, I suspect we all think they are lies (or at least heavily embellished).

Ultimately it doesn't affect me, I find it a little annoying but mostly amusing. But why does she do it?! Is this a thing that people do? Please share your stories of compulsive or suspected compulsive liars. I have never come across anyone like this before.

I know of three mumnetters that are utter fakes on here.
I Know them in real life and its funny to see their posts and comments.

But what on earth would motivate someone to do this? I find it exceptionally weird and pathetic really.

I managed a girl years ago and her lying was bonkers. She lied daily and compulsively everything from her father working for the secret service in Russia to her dating an international rugby star. As it happened my friend WAS actually dating this rugby guy so I called her out on it and I remember her reaction was so calm it was freaky. She lied about EVERYTHING!

Years later I looked her up on SM and she had a shaved head and was undergoing cancer treatment and it’s awful of me to say but I simply didn’t believe it. I genuinely think that she was unable to discern truth from reality.

It’s such a weird thing to do. Boredom with their own lives do you think? I wouldn’t have the mental capacity, I think I’d forget what lies I told!

I know two big liars, one has borderline personality disorder and the other one is highly narcissistic. It makes it difficult to empathise with them as I never know if they're telling the truth.

I went to school with a confabulator: mystery illnesses etc. Kept in touch after school and he had all sorts of tales to spin. Don't know what became of him. He had a sad life: he was gay, at a time and in a tiny place where that was just not going to be an option. I felt sorry for him on a lot of levels.

Another person I know is what I think a sociopath would be like and his lies were always to make himself the centre of attention, the biggest, brightest and best (and he was at the time very successful so it wasn't really necessary). They really were outright lies, though, and easily verifiable. That's what made the impression on me: he surely must have known that people could find out that he was lying - and we did, often! But it didn't ever stop him. His wife was my friend and I am not sure if she ever grasped how bad it was.

Yes. A highly manipulative and convincing compulsive liar.

He lived a persona he created to access victims.

He’s the only person I have met who I genuinely regard as evil.

It’s really affected my ability to trust, being as he fooled everyone who knew him for a decade.

I think it's often a firm indication of an underlying personality disorder.

Liars are impossible people and whenever I've realised I'm dealing with a liar, I avoid them at all costs.

Blimey, that's a small fortune! I reckon the library would be a better bet, definitely! Check out his website in the meantime dr.georgesimon.com (Character Matters- a Resource for Understanding Narcissists, Manipulators and Other Problem Characters). There's loads of really interesting and helpful articles on it!

My ex was a malignant narc and he used to do this, it got very draining and tiring after a while as I got fed up of nodding and smiling. He was always being attacked or in ludicrous situations which just wouldn’t happen let alone in Norfolk! He had a very over active imagination to say the least

I once went out with someone like this for several months. He lied constantly about the most ridiculous small things. He did it to everyone, his family, friends, everyone! I believe he enjoyed the attention and sympathy that usually followed. I never understood it, especially the small lies about meaningless things.
It took me a long time to realise what he was doing & move on from him. Hindsight is a great thing!🫤

Yes and she lies about anything and everything and means you can't believe a word they say. She's an expert in everything - it's like she knows everything about nothing. She says she's a sociopath and although I'm skeptical about everything that comes out of her mouth, I am very wary around her and dislike spending any time in her presence.

Where have you got that from? Both parts are incorrect.

A compulsive liar doesn't have to cause harm - they just lie because they do. Most of the time they couldn't tell you why.

A shaggy dog story is a long and involved story that describes lots of irrelevant details. Typically a long rambling "joke" with no punchline.

Anyway - I had an ex-boyfriend who lied a lot. I think it was because he was cheating on me, and he thought if he lied about everything I wouldn't be able to tell the lies from the truth.

A former neighbour used to pop on a pilot uniform and mince about pubs etc lying about his career. I once saw him at a county show enjoying free champagne in the hospitality tent from his storytelling. Not sure if he was a narc or just escaping the reality of living with his dad in his 40s and alcohol dependency. I avoided him like the plague as I couldn’t stand hearing his BS.

Also, I briefly dated a guy who lied about having a company car only to find out he only had a motorbike licence. He made excuses about his boss needing the car so I always had to drive. Same guy gave me a CD of an American band called Staind and passed it off as “his band” even though he was British and not that good at drumming! I ended things with him after clarifying a few other lies with one of his friends, he had form for lying. I kept the friend, she was ace.

I used to work with a liar. She seemed to lie for every possible reason you could have for lying:

A) To get herself out of trouble (she wasn't very competent at parts of the job and also bone idle if she could get away with it)

B) To cause trouble for people she didn't like (she was malicious, spiteful, insecure, and always had a feud going with someone - often it was entirely one-sided and the other person wouldn't know it was going on, and be utterly bewildered by the problems they were having)

C) To inflate her own importance and self-worth or gain sympathy (failure to fawn over her / believe every word would lead a person to become the target of her lies as per point B)

D) Sometimes just for the sheer thrill of saying something untrue and getting away with it, such as claiming credit for others' work or ideas or lying about something to higher-ups in the presence of other people who knew the facts (She was in a position of power relative to other people and as she was such an obvious bully and shit-stirrer, people didn't challenge her. If they did, see again point B)

My favourite example probably covers all of the above: She had a fall in work that was down to her own carelessness, and then pretended to have a broken bone for nearly a week but the doctor at the hospital supposedly told her she was fine to work (very physical job). She blamed someone else for her fall and was trying to make her feel bad (didn't work 😆) but also was telling this story to absolutely everyone who would listen, so it went a bit beyond trying to wind up the other staff member.

Oh, and she was also a thief, from small things like food to clothing and equipment.

Phew, that was quite cathartic 😄

I've known a few people like this over the years. The ones that would lie to get themselves out if a tricky situation are a bit more forgivable than the ones who lie about everything and anything for the sake of it.

My ex husband was a pathological liar and it really stressed me out. He would lie about the most irrelevant stuff, no reason. He was quite disordered in other ways too though, he was certainly narcissistic.

I've known a couple of serious embelishers and that's annoying too as you just need honest conversation, sod how good the story sounds!

I work with a guy that makes things up all the time but he forgets and then retells the same story using different characters in his life. He's always tripping himself up. It's a shame, you can never truly be friends with someone like that.

I've come across a few in life but luckily have no family connections to any as that would just be awful!
My approach has always been to have a bit of fun with it and just point blank not accept what they are saying or appear disinterested. Because I know for most liars the motivation is to get attention or sympathy. So I'd just be like,'reeally?' 'Oh no- actually (such and such) is true isn't it', ' that is quite literally unbelievable' or simply laugh. What's interesting is that when confronted or brushed off, liars never seem to feel shame or let on that they've been caught out 😂 they just double down on their bullshit.
They are usually cheaters in relationships as well, interestingly. Maybe because they don't really live in 'the real world' so they compartmentalise the betrayal as being in the same bracket as all their fake bits of life and shrug it off? Or maybe they are so used to not feeling guilty about being massive fantasists that they don't feel guilty about things like cheating either?

One liar was someone I dated briefly many years ago. His lies were obvious from pretty much the get-go. Far too outlandish to tally with the reality of his life. But then one time he lied about something so silly, meaningless and small that it actually scared the shit out of me. It sounds stupid but it was about an object in the room with us. He was insisting it was one thing, which I could see with my eyeballs it clearly wasn't. It was such a needless, strange lie. I realised the guy was nuts so I did a runner and never looked back. Absolute weirdo.

Very common with narcissistic personality disorder. Always the hero or the victim.

I work with a young lad who bullshits over everything

He's about 18/19 and the life he lives when he's not at work has to be heard

He will lie about everything-he will do/not do a task and lie about it

He'll bad mouth anyone (with witnesses) and lie,saying he didn't say anything when they question him

His hobby is following women home-and then will lie saying he hasn't and Is going that way and it's sheer coincidence that they are going that way (in front of him and he lives in the opposite direction)

It was only a few days ago that he was telling a tall tale about how he flies his uncles plane to Spain and back-solo

That he was in the army and was posted abroad but didn't like it-he was so good at the job,the army didn't bother to train him

He killed loads of people in his short stint in the army

He has millions of pounds in the bank (but is doing a job for 20p more than the min wage,for 10-15 hours a week) but has to keep it a secret as we will try to con him out of his money (none of us ever would if it was true)

He tells people he is the main manager at work-hes customer care and wears the uniform like the other 4 people who do the same job

He has a string of model girlfriends-its a new one every week (he's tried to prove it by pulling up the messages-I'm told it's an app and he's talking to AL)

He tried to tell me that a friend of mine (who I've known a long time) actually hates me and is best friends with him (we are both middle aged and he's a teenager-she doesn't like him and will try to avoid him if she comes in and he's there)

He's always a hero-he saved an old lady from getting hit by a car the other week,before that he gave mouth to mouth to a bloke who collapsed in the street and a day or so before that,he saved a child from a burning building (colleagues googled and found it was all bollocks but he doubled down saying it wasn't on the net as 'the news dont know about it')

He made a big deal about going abroad,booking the time off work but looked dumb when he was spotted in our town at the time,claiming that we where lying about him going away when asked about it

It's amusing but sad at the same time that he feels he has to lie about everything

My godfather was a dear kind man. He looked after me for long periods of time when my mother was unwell and I idolised him.

He told lies, like that he met Tina Turner, that family friends were in a sort of mafia gang.

He was so kind and thoughtful to everyone around him, but I think the lies were probably a lack of self confidence and sadly he committed suicide when I was 14 and broke my and many people’s hearts.

Not all ‘liars’ are the same. Be compassionate if it’s not actually hurting anyone.

OP you might like this
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65428918

There was a whole podcast I listened to a few months back.

Separately, I was friends at school with a girl who lied a lot and she's an author now so maybe it was good training! Her stories were more entertaining than vindictive so we usually didn't feel the urge to call out the bullshit. Until she started talking shit between me and my boyfriend (who by then she worked with) at which point we both stopped being friends with her.

Donald Trump comes to mind!!

Wow, weird timing, I was literally just thinking about my (ex-)friend who lies constantly.

She keeps talking about her boyfriend/partner and how they have this amazing relationship, but it's painfully obvious that they broke up a long time ago. Also claims to have military links, which a friend who was actually in the army saw through immediately. Ironically, I don't think we would've suspected anything - on either count - had she not given so much detail and embellishment.

She makes up countless other things; language skills, job experience, bizarre anecdotes, even news stories. She'll often lie about things that are easily disproven, so who knows what else is fabricated...

I feel quite sad for her. Unlike some of the people PP have described, she's actually quite down to earth and friendly; not at all arrogant, and can be very self-deprecating and funny.

I suspect that it has something to do with loneliness, low self-esteem, and poor boundaries. Our friendship ended within a year of knowing each other because she made a huge deal out of me not giving her the care and attention she felt she deserved. The way she acted would've been full on and demanding from a long time best friend, never mind someone I'd known for a matter of months and only saw for the odd coffee or night out. She obviously thought we were much closer than we actually were, and in hindsight, her communication had been a bit over the top all along. Lots of flowery, loving messages that gave me the ick but also made me feel like I had to reciprocate in kind.

Other mutual friends have had similar experiences with her trying to force closeness and then blowing up at them, they have also withdrawn.

She made me feel SO guilty at the time - it was a big deal, and it really messed with me. I do feel bad because she's clearly struggling, but it ended up coming at a cost to my own sanity and mental health.