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Wedding Gift in Ireland

22 replies

dulcieM · 28/05/2024 11:57

Normally at weddings (UK) I give something off the wedding list but have heard that in Ireland you should give cash equal to the estimated cost of your place at the wedding (meal, reception etc) plus a gift off a list. It’s an old friend’s first wedding and I don’t want to offend. Any advice?

OP posts:
LeopardsRockingham · 28/05/2024 12:05

I've never heard of that. It's either/or.
Usually if there is a registry I'll just do that, but if not I'd guesstimate roughly the cost and give the equivalent. (I live in the North, but have been to many weddings in Ireland)

The only thing I would advise is that weddings are much more dressy than those in England. More ladies day at the races than a nice dress.
Though its 10 years since I was at an English wedding so maybe it's different now

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 28/05/2024 12:06

I have Irish family and yes that's the rule apparently!

LadySybilRamekin · 28/05/2024 12:08

The going rate used to be €200 (no present, just cash) for friends of the couple - I'd say €250 now!

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DramaAlpaca · 28/05/2024 12:13

The going rate is €200 per couple attending as far as I'm aware these days, though as the last wedding I went to was a few years ago it might've gone up as @LadySybilRamekin says.

It's not cash plus a gift, it's usually just cash. Gift lists aren't really a thing here, or they weren't when I got married.

I totally agree with @LeopardsRockingham in that Irish weddings are much dressier than English ones. Dress for a daytime wedding like you would for a really glamorous evening out.

Littlesnailin · 28/05/2024 13:43

Yes, agree, it's not cash plus gift, it's one or the other. Usually cash these days. I haven't seen a list for a while.
The thing about covering your meal is just to be mindful of costs in the gift you give...so gifts are usually generous. You definitely don't cover the meal cost separately!!!
I would say 200-250 (euro) per couple is typical for friends attending these days. Close family will probably give more.

AnnaCBi · 28/05/2024 13:47

Just cash in Ireland. It’s supposed to cover your cost at the wedding, so the more lavish the more you give. The Irish feel that the English are very stingy at weddings.

MistyFrequencies · 28/05/2024 13:49

No gift, just cash. €250 per couple at least. Scale it up if the venue is very expensive.

Littlesnailin · 28/05/2024 14:08

Littlesnailin · 28/05/2024 13:43

Yes, agree, it's not cash plus gift, it's one or the other. Usually cash these days. I haven't seen a list for a while.
The thing about covering your meal is just to be mindful of costs in the gift you give...so gifts are usually generous. You definitely don't cover the meal cost separately!!!
I would say 200-250 (euro) per couple is typical for friends attending these days. Close family will probably give more.

Actually just checked online and pp are right. Wedding costs have gone up a lot so it would typically be €250 per couple now at least. Any less wouldn't cover costs and that is something people are mindful of.

mitogoshi · 28/05/2024 14:20

Even in Ireland you take into account your costs in attending, those travelling tend to give less than local unless very close relative. The one I've been invited to stated they were very aware of travel costs so don't feel obliged to give a large gift.

Bjorkdidit · 28/05/2024 14:37

AnnaCBi · 28/05/2024 13:47

Just cash in Ireland. It’s supposed to cover your cost at the wedding, so the more lavish the more you give. The Irish feel that the English are very stingy at weddings.

The English feel that if anyone wants a fancy wedding, they should pay for it themselves rather than guilting their friends and relatives into paying for it for them.

Littlesnailin · 28/05/2024 22:42

Well, this is going nicely😅

Marblessolveeverything · 28/05/2024 22:46

I would say 250+. Weddings are more dressy and it you are not still dancing at 3am it ain't an Irish wedding.

Wayk · 28/05/2024 22:47

Two hundred per couple is plenty

suki1964 · 28/05/2024 22:59

I really really really hate this "tradition " that has come about over here with weddings

I was mortified when my stepdaughter was planning her wedding on the cash "gifts" her "guests were going to shower her with

In other words she was expecting her guests to pay for the wedding

Im English, Im of the school of thought - throwing a party? Pay for it and if someone rocks up with a bottle - happy days

Needless to say , me and her dad paid for the wedding

But it is the way, you go to a wedding here and you are "gifting" your meal, the dj and venue

I refuse wedding invites and send a gift or card and small cash gift

mathanxiety · 28/05/2024 23:11

Bjorkdidit · 28/05/2024 14:37

The English feel that if anyone wants a fancy wedding, they should pay for it themselves rather than guilting their friends and relatives into paying for it for them.

I wouldn't say anybody feels at all guilted.

It's called 'being real'. We don't consider the topic of money distasteful, and it's not considered good form to have your friends and relatives go to the trouble of coming to a wedding where they won't have a fantastic time, good food, music, etc. There is usually a good deal of money left over - it's not meant to be a quid pro quo/ pay to play.

I've seen a lot of similar sniffing at the idea of baby showers, wedding showers, and even gift registries, all of which are apparently 'grabby'. Direct expression of your wants and needs is to be avoided at all costs.

snowlady4 · 28/05/2024 23:29

I think this is going out of style as most people agree its ludicrous and vulgar!
I HATE the suggestion that you must pay for a meal you didn't choose- and the very idea that you give less to people who have a less expensive wedding just makes me sick. I give the same, rich or poor- and I don't give €200!

CelesteCunningham · 28/05/2024 23:35

I don't think there's any need to vary the gift based on the style of wedding. The gift is to wish the couple well, and that sentiment doesn't depend on the level of hosting.

We always gave €200 but not surprised it's gone up now. However, if you're traveling then I think it would be fair enough to give less and the Irish know that British customs around weddings are different anyway.

Weddings aren't hated in Ireland the way they seem to be in MN! (But I know MN probably doesn't reflect real life in GB either.)

I'm sure you'll have a great time.

JaneJeffer · 28/05/2024 23:36

I think this is going out of style as most people agree it's ludicrous and vulgar!
Grin it's not going anywhere! We don't do wedding lists in Ireland just cash Grin

crockofshite · 28/05/2024 23:38

snowlady4 · 28/05/2024 23:29

I think this is going out of style as most people agree its ludicrous and vulgar!
I HATE the suggestion that you must pay for a meal you didn't choose- and the very idea that you give less to people who have a less expensive wedding just makes me sick. I give the same, rich or poor- and I don't give €200!

You're not paying for food you didn't choose. it's the whole event which has been master minded by someone else for their guests enjoyment and fun, dancing, music, venue, atmosphere, socialising, meeting new people and old friends, having a laugh, lovely memories.

Or you could have a plate of spam sandwiches in a dusty church hall.

Wendysfriend · 28/05/2024 23:40

In Ireland there's no 'rules', however people do tend to do similar.

There is rarely a gift list/register , people did give gifts many, many years ago, all the usual things for the house etc however as most are living together a while when they marry they usually have everything they need.

Cash is always welcomed, the Irish don't get offended at receiving cash gifts, most prefer cash. They can use it towards things they need and the honeymoon etc

If someone is going away to a Country with a different currency people sometimes give that currency as a gift .

There's no set amounts to give, but usually for a couple attending a friend's wedding they will give between 200 -300 euro per couple, for immediate family anything from 400 euro per couple, of course they can give more or less if they want.

It's always said to cover your meal if unsure so it depends on the venue. I've been to many weddings over the years, there are couples who really don't care and just want you to celebrate with them and there's the ones who'll bitch to everyone about your stingy present. The invitation usually lets you know , if they say cash only presents get saving 🤣 if they say no gifts, they mean they do want something small.

snowlady4 · 28/05/2024 23:46

crockofshite · 28/05/2024 23:38

You're not paying for food you didn't choose. it's the whole event which has been master minded by someone else for their guests enjoyment and fun, dancing, music, venue, atmosphere, socialising, meeting new people and old friends, having a laugh, lovely memories.

Or you could have a plate of spam sandwiches in a dusty church hall.

Ok paying for a "whole event," you didn't choose. You're a guest.. You're not there to cover costs!
And if it was my friends, we'd still have a fab celebration in a church hall! It's about the company, not the cost.
Making weddings all about the money has removed them so far from what they're meant to be about- to the point people don't want to get married anymore- or don't want to attend weddings!
I say, have what you want and what you can afford for your party. Expect nothing in return- but appreciate what you do get. And gift what you want and also what you can afford.
The expectation on people has gotten totally out of hand.

BingAndTing · 28/05/2024 23:48

Yeah, about €200 per couple I'd say.

I was shocked when I moved to England and started attending weddings to hear what the going rate was.

I personally prefer the English way as Irish weddings are so expensive to attend, it can sometimes put you off, especially if you have a few in quick succession.

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