Being the poorest in your friendship group sucks

[MrsBeachBum]

Let me start by saying that I love my close friendship group (seven of us) and I want them all to live full and happy lives. We’ve been friends since we were young. But I’m tired of being the poor one. I’m the only sole parent, the only one with young children, and I don’t hate my life. But it’d be greatly improved if my ex paid any maintenance and money wasn’t so tight (I work full time, I went through CMS, he uses loopholes to pay me nothing and never sees them).

One friend is on her second holiday this year and just told us she has booked another. Another has just bought a second property abroad. They’re not super wealthy, just living very good middle class lifestyles, whilst I’m working class. We’re going away together next year for a big birthday and I put money away each month for two years to pay for it whilst they all just take the money out their savings. They’re a good bunch of friends and treat me well so I’m not criticising them in any way.

I just need to get of my chest how much of a struggle my finances are, and it’s not something I can keep complaining about because it's boring. I dream all the time about winning some money to take the pressure off. Not millions. Not enough to quit my job. Just enough to buy a house big enough so my children have a room each and we can go on holiday once a year. Thanks for listening if you got this far.

It’s unusual in a friendship group of seven that only you have children, unless you are all in your 20s?

Anyway, I think you should just be honest with them that you can’t afford to do certain things, and if they’re good friends they should be able to understand.

I’m sorry about your shitty ex, hopefully someone with legal knowledge will come along to advise how you can get the useless twat to pay you CMS.

I think the OP says she's the only one with young children, not that none of the others have children.

Three of them have older children (independent children). I’m the only one with pre-teen children that fully rely on me. I’ve complained to my MP and the CMS ombudsman (DWP ICE) and everyone’s very sympathetic but says they can’t do anything. I’ve had to accept we’ll have to live without any input from my ex.

I understand where you're coming from. I am single mum of 3, disabled and unable to work. All of my friends have high paying jobs and cash to spare, where as I'm living day by day. I try not to think about it too much, although sometimes when my friends are talking about big spends or doing up their houses it stings a little. But it is what it is and I just need to get on.

I often say ‘it is what it is’ too. I’m mature enough to know that life isn’t fair and there are people worse off, but it doesn’t help me from wishing some good luck would come my way for a change. I know feeling sorry for yourself is a pointless task. Just having one of those days. I wish you all the best for the future @TiptoeThroughTheToadstools

I know what you mean. I grew up as "the poor one" then I was a single parent it's hard

Can you find some new similarly strapped single parents to give each other moral support? In addition to these well off families. Even one or two would help.

Unfortunately the government does nothing to enforce non payment of maintenance. Which makes a mockery of the CMS.

I understand how you feel. I’ve found it’s better to have friends that are similar to you financially. May not be a popular opinion but that’s what my personal experience has been. 💐

Same here in Australia!

I have a very mixed friendship group. Last night I was at the races with some of the ones who are able, on Saturday we're doing parkrun (free) and taking homemade cake for afterwards, so we can include those who aren't so able.

The ones who can afford more aren't going to restrict their lives (and are very generous, actually) but we are very aware that we're fortunate and careful to also do some cheaper things everyone can be included in.

It’s the first of the month, so I’ll be reading about everyone who has won something on premium bonds this month. Usually a reasonable amount. Not here. Never won anything.