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Ugh...DP's best mate

7 replies

Bluewater1 · 27/05/2024 09:24

DP has a best mate, 'Sam' who is a kind and funny person but can read the room wrong sometimes. Sam thinks he is possibly autistic and we (his friends) agreethat this makes sense. He also drinks waaay too much on a night out to the extent that he sometimes gets thrown out of pubs for being too drunk.
DP, Sam and I have recently spent a lot of time together rehearsing for an open mic night.
Last night we all went out to watch a band, I was driving so obviously not drinking, DP had a few drinks but not many and Sam was increasingly legless. So much so that people kept getting annoyed because whilst watching the band he was jumping around (a pint in each hand) and inevitably he kept spilling drinks over people. DP and I spent the evening apologising for him and moving him away from others and taking his drinks off him and telling him he didn't need anymore. Honestly it was like babysitting!!
I went outside to get some fresh air because it was boiling hot in the pub and Sam followed me. He gave me a lurching type hug which I moved away from and then told me I was a very tactile person and that he isn't usually but he is with me so what do I think THAT means. I said I have no idea and started to move away from him and he said I think it is sexual....I said, "fuck no, it is NOT! I am with DP!! And I'm going to find him now!"

Ugh...this is DP's best mate!! So I told DP immediately who said "let's not mention anything to Sam, he was really drunk. I wish we hadn't gone out now, it's ruined the night."

This is so awkward now. We spend quite a bit of time with Sam rehearsing. But right now I don't actually want to see him at all. I want to keep a wide berth. How does that work when Sam and DP spend so much time together?? Plus, DP doesn't want to raise it with Sam??

OP posts:
Mabelface · 27/05/2024 10:04

That's not an autistic thing, that's a bloke who doesn't know his limits with drinking.

Bluewater1 · 27/05/2024 12:00

Mabelface · 27/05/2024 10:04

That's not an autistic thing, that's a bloke who doesn't know his limits with drinking.

I think you are 100% right. I was perhaps being generous because he is neurodivergent but i think he was just being a twat to be honest amd he should be ashamed of himself! I am actually really annoyed with him. DP is currently trying to decide what/ if anything to say to him....

OP posts:
Todaywasbetter · 31/05/2024 16:01

You don’t need Your partner to say something to him. you can. Do it next time you will meet and before he’s had a drink

Toddlerteaplease · 31/05/2024 16:10

I'd refuse to go out with him in future if that's how he behaves.

something2say · 31/05/2024 16:16

Don't second guess yourself. Me personally, I'd be off with him and when he asked why, I'd tell him straight, to his face. It's his problem not yours and you need to not be in that position again.

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 31/05/2024 16:17

That's a shame your boyfriend hasn't got your back, are you not disgusted by him?
Predatory or generally poorly behaved men don't listen to women, so it's up to any decent men to call out their behaviour.
Question whether you feel valued and cherished by the man you're dating.

Uncooperativefingers · 31/05/2024 16:19

Rubbish of your DP. But just because he doesn't want to say anything it doesn't mean you can't.

And I would say something next time I see him, preferably before he has started drinking. How dare he talk to you like that?!

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