Anyone else ever feel like this for no reason?

[nadz0]

I know a lot of people feel as though they have lost their old selves. This could be due to becoming a parent, losing a relationship or maintaining a stressful job. Maybe you didn't travel enough or you had a family that held you back from being who you truly were.

I've just been feeling a certain way I can't explain.

I remember being 13 and thinking I can't wait to grow up, have my own house and job and become a parent. I thought if you earned £30k that you'd have the whole £30k to spend, that buying a house would be as easy as seeing one for sale and securing it in the same day. maybe if i knew the cost of living crisis would happen when i started my adult life i would've saved all the money I earned from my first part time job.

On paper you'd think i was happy. I mean I should be happy right? I've known DH since the age of 14, he's lovely. I have a DS who I had young and was happy to have young (I did always worry if I could even have children) we have our own house, DH is a high earner so I'm able to work in a job I love part time. I have a large family and a lot of support. But I just don't know what it is that makes me sit here in silence with no emotion at times. I shower each day I eat as I should and I see people but sometimes when I'm alone I just don't know what to do with myself. I look forward to holidays abroad but being in a different country in a different environment sometimes makes me feel strange inside. Like there's a fear of me getting trapped in a place where everything looks different, the houses are different, the people speak a different language. Even though I'm having a good time I feel anxiety whilst I'm there.

I know I worry a lot knowing what other peoples circumstances are. It upsets me knowing people are struggling at this time and makes me worry that things could change at any day for me. It upsets me that some people are struggling to feed their families and hurts me inside knowing if it was my parents who had to skip a meal to feed me and my siblings when we were younger then they would've done just that. I find myself always reading articles on the latest murders or deaths and it scares me knowing anything could happen when I leave the house (I live in a small town where nothing really ever happens)

I don't know I just feel a bit strange, I'm in my late twenties now and I don't know if I'll feel like this forever and how I can change it.

I don’t have any advice, but I feel like this too sometimes. For me it’s a kind of existential vertigo. Sometimes if you zoom out, it all feels… blank? Impossibly weird and empty? Idk. The world is big and strange and often feels dangerous to me. Mostly I focus on the good bits, control what I can control and try to be grateful. I’m generally pretty happy.

I got to my 50s , life is better than it's been for years but I don't experience joy anymore.

For me it's a combination of things

Covid messed up my business
My ex stole from me ( I realised )
What hope is there in any politicians at the moment
The cat got run over

I feel like I'm scared to experience joy as some other damn thing will come along and crash me back to earth.

I used to be so happy go lucky

I think you may benefit from some kind of therapy to help you try and unpick what might be making you feel like this. It could help you identify techniques that may help. I say this as someone who felt numb for a long time and needed help to get out of it.

You need to try and find a way to switch your brain off (easier said than done I know) when thing you are worrying about is outside of your control. Mindfulness, yoga, meditation are always the go to but they do nothing for me.

Do you have anything that you do for yourself that you actually enjoy? A hobby, a treat, meeting with friends?

With the holiday thing how do you feel on a break in your own country? Do you still feel anxious as your away from home or are you reassured?