DD falling asleep... taking an HOUR!

[WittiestUsernameEver]

Up until about 3 weeks ago. DD 4y5m would fall asleep within 10 minutes and be asleep by 8.

It's now taking her ONE HOUR 😭

I've tried making sure her bedroom is dark.
Her bedtime routine has not changed in 3+ years and remains bath, 2 books, lights out and I'll sit and wait for her to sleep.
She's definitely had enough exercise, was at park for 1hr30m after having been to nursery until 12 and out with Granny for lunch, and played in garden for 45+ minutes.
She doesn't watch TV all after lunchtime.
She uses no screens/iPads
She's had her dinner and isn't hungry.
We just read and colour and stuff after dinner.

I've tried moving her bedtime to be later (ie try moving lights out by 20-30-40-50 minutes etc. just pushes falling asleep time by that much (last night asleep at 9:45 of an hour wriggling around, chatting, singing, kicking legs, shouting "I can't sleep!!!!" Etc.

But here she is WIDE FUCKING AWAKE at 9:25 again... She had lights out at 8:20pm.

The problem is she then sleeps solidly for 11-12 hours., and is causing her to sleep in until gone 9am... (Have also woken her up early (partly because of having to leave the house for nursery!) in order to "reset" her sleep time.

Not sure what to do 😭 any suggestions?

Remove the prop you have created by sitting there waiting for her to go to sleep!. Bonkers!!

Has her diet changed at all? It's insane how much what we eat and drink affects sleep! Is she maybe having squash, or ice cream or something that she wasn't before it was 'summer'?

If she’s happy lying in bed settling to sleep then I don’t see how it matters too much, just leave her to get on with it. Put her to bed a bit earlier if needed so she’s not sleeping in so late.

I didn't see that! Yes, that is absurd. She needs space to settle herself.

Why are you sitting with her?

I agree, time to say good night and leave.
Id allow her to talk quietly to her stuffed toys, sing songs to herself.
I couldn’t fall asleep with someone watching me!

I'd put her to bed earlier.

And agree, she's old enough to settle herself down to sleep.

I agree with everyone. Put her to bed earlier & leave her to go to sleep on her own.

What the hell - why are you sitting with her till she sleeps. Could you sleep with that? She’s a proper child not a baby.

Because it )up until now) only took 10 minutes, so was not an issue

Because it )up until now) only took 10 minutes, so was not an issue

yes, but you were just setting you and her up for this. Were you going to sit with her at 10 or 15 and watch her go to sleep? Children need to gain the self soothe tools to go to sleep on their own.

This is the age most kids don’t need you there to fall asleep. The OP hasn’t done anything wrong previously. Many nights I had to sit and hold my toddler’s hand until they fell asleep. They do grow out of needing you- but the age is slightly different for each child. Like potty training- there is a range in ages.

Don't sit in the room with her. When my son was little he wanted someone to sit with him and it took a long time - maybe 40 mins or sometimes more. I got fed up with that though and started sitting outside the door on the landing reading a book until I thought he was asleep. Unfortunately I can't remember how it improved as he's 16 now! I did it because I wanted an easy life and for him to be asleep and not keep coming downstairs. It was a phase, like everything else. Just rather a long one!

DS is 9 and we have to sit with him, he can take an hour or more to go to sleep. He's neurodivergent and really struggles with going to sleep even if he's exhausted, in fact that can make it worse. He needs physical contact with someone virtually all day, he can't get to sleep unless someone is there next to him.

Just to offer some balance!

I would assume it's a phase and will pass though as your DD used to be able to go to sleep quickly. This too shall pass and all that.

I'd agree that it's time to work on her falling asleep without you there. We also allow DD1 to look at books if she says she isn't tired. It seems to take a lot of the fight out of it, and 19 times out of 20, she turns her bedside light out and is asleep within 10-15 minutes. We also let her listen to (relatively calm) music if she wants.

No, but at some point (maybe now!) I assumed it would become a natural thing to not be there with her.

I think it might be time yes. We're on holiday next week, so will crack the nut once we're back I think.

Crack it on holiday!! New place new routine. Then follow it on when you get home.

I wouldn’t. Holidays are stressful enough for small children and the more normal a routine, the less fussy they get.

DD1 takes hours to go to sleep. If you sit and watch her you can see her start to drop off and then immediately wriggle or kick or do something to wake herself back up.

So really my only advice is duct tape her to the bed so she can't move 😁

Put her to be earlier, go up at 7pm. And start taking breaks to ‘go to the toilet’ and things like that to start easing her out of having you there all the time

One of ours did this. We started having an audiobook or music with them, often the same audiobook lullaby story thing each night. Helped them to settle into a new routine. It was frustrating to suddenly lose an hour of the evening, but once I stopped hoping they would drop to sleep quicker, and just accepted the new routine it was better. Sure, we could have chosen not to sit with them, but four year olds are still tiny, it is really normal for them to want / need a parent to sit with them while they drop off, and equally normal for a parent to do so.

It's like not teaching her to read because reading her a book only takes her three minutes but then complaining that you have to read The Handmaiden's Tale for A level.

Well, in case anyone is interested. Bedtime is back to normal. She is going to bed an hour earlier now, upstairs at 6:30, wash of some sort, teeth, 2 books and lights out. And is now asleep around 7:15/7:30. And waking around 12-13 hours later.

So thank you to the people who suggested putting her to bed earlier.

And yes, to those posters who thought I am weird... I still stay with her ... Sorry. She prefers it. But as we're back to good I'm fine staying the extra 10-15 minutes from lights out. I get amazing snuggles and sleepy " I love you mama" ...so not going to leave her yet.