my 4 year old is getting a bit challenging

[crappymom26]

i know 4 year olds are can be a little challenging sometimes as they are now growing and want to do to everything there way. am just looking for advise on how other moms deal with this.

our mornings get a little chaotic sometimes bcz i have a 10 months old as well to care for while getting DS ready for preschool esp if i haven't pre-made snack box and laid out clothes at night (which i do on most nights). so yesterday DH offered to help with giving breakfast to son and getting him ready for school as he's currently working from home, i still make the snack box and clothes. This morning i couldn't lay out clothes beforehand , and i have been a bit back on laundry too and so it was a bit difficult finding the right shirt (DS is very fussy with clothes too, always want a short sleeved, doesn't want jumper when it's cold, i have to somehow convince him) so finally found one short sleeved collard shirt that a was little longer, but i was hoping to tuck it in trousers and put a jumper on top, but DS kept being fussy about that too that it's too long i dont want this i want the other shirt (that was in the laundy atm). we had only few minutes left before we had to leave, DH warned son that if this constant fussiness continues he can't go to school today, but son wasn't just trying to listen to me at all and kept fussing , DH got upset and ended up saying DS can't go to preschool anymore bcz of his behaviour.
i was upset too and told DH that he's behaving the same way he's been telling me not to behave as he's not being calm with DS, DH got upset with me too and loudly said that "i tell you this privately not infornt of the kids, i don't interfere when you are dealing with him," and went to work.
DS has been very upset that he has to stay home.

was it very unreasonable to say that to DH in fornt of the kids?
how can i calmly deal with fussiness in the mornings with DS?
is this normal for 4 year olds?

The fussiness is completely normal re clothes. Maybe let him choose?

Your DH using that as a threat is NOT normal, not acceptable and completely shit that he decided that consequence, pissed off to work and left you with a baby and upset child. Your husband is a knob, and if he decides these stupid consequences should be the one to deal with it.

If DS were older you couldn't keep him off school for being fussy, so pre-school to me comes under the same category.

my 3 yo is the same with jumpers and I do find it tricky when it’s cold, but I try and pick my battles. I’d select 2 or 3 tops and then let her choose what she wants. I also put her in a vest which she will accept. Sometimes even I’ve sent her in warmer fleecy PJ tops (clean) which she will accept. It’s a phase and power struggle, give them choices and try and not make a big deal out of it.

He shouldn't miss pre school because his fussy with clothes. Send him even if late. Sounds like you need to be a bit firmer with him tbh. He can't be late for big school !

yes i think so too, he will be going to big school end of this year.

If he is fussy due to sensory needs then I would go for:
. Once you find something he likes, get more than one, and maybe in the size up too
. Don't fuss about jumpers, just carry it with you so it is there if needed.

I have known various kids going around in shorts when there is snow on the ground. It isn't worth the argument.

My 4yo hates jumpers…. Until she gets outside and it’s cold. They’re old enough to work these things out - have a jumper to hand and put one in his school bag. Other than that, leave it to him.

Your husband sounds an arse, though.

The fussiness is normal. Everything else is avoidable. Get rid of the tops he doesn't like and won't wear. Unless absolutely filthy dig the other top out the wash and get more of the same. I get what your son means about a long top tucked in - it is annoying. Sort of set him up to fail here. Also ridiculous threat from your DH.

This. And not going to pre school sounds more of a punishment for you than him! So now you are stuck with a baby and a naughty older child to look after? He won’t be able to employ that tactic when you’re back at work, unless he plans on taking the time off!

The “fussiness” is totally normal. 4 is old enough to dress himself apart from tricky things like socks and buttons, just let him pick his own clothes. My 4 year old goes to preschool in all sorts of deranged combinations. If it’s cold and he wants to wear a tshirt, just make sure there’s a sweater in his bag.

Keeping him home from preschool because he was fussing (aka expressed preferences about the clothes he’s going to have to wear all day) is absolutely mad! What you’ve got here is a totally normal 4 year old and a very unreasonable adult man.

I think the fussiness is normal and you deal as best you can. I am not adverse to them being in shorts in winter.

Bigger issue is between you and DP. I think you need to tag team. If one is getting shouty and throwing out threats (not going to pre school is a really bad threat in my view) other parent should offer them a breather. E.g. "do you want me to take this one, you go have a cup of tea..." Then privately discuss the tactic. "Not sure it's wise to threaten that given we want him in pre school and he will have to be in actual school"

4 year olds are frustrating beyond belief. Consistent and united parenting is vital as well as understanding and support when you, or he, gets it wrong.

@SummerHouse thanks, this is so helpful