Aargh! Vomiting Child and Emetophobic Mum!

[keepcrackingon]

DH is away so this was almost predictable/sod’s law: am a lifelong emetophobe (phobia of vomiting), following traumatic childhood hospital admission. DS (9) has woken up with temp and been sick - aarghhh! Am now cowering in terror and trying to act the part of Normal Mum while internally in a state of rabid terror. I realise this sounds ridiculous to genuine normal mums, but imagine you were having to remain calm and nurturing/supportive while trying to flee for your life - that’s how insane, intense and irrational phobias are. Convulsive shaking and terror. Can anyone offer any kind words or practical advice? Am currently lurking nervously waiting for Bout 2, barking “Well done! You coped really well!” at DS and hating myself.

Out of all the things that could be happening to your child- I don't know fit , bad burn , abduction. horrible cut, ambulance etc etc . This is the least of your worries as long as they are safe and don't need an ambulance , he is safe thank your lucky stars . Go little one .

How ever awful you feel with this (and I do understand) the danger lies in your head only. Everyone is safe, you can take this hit for the team and get through it. Also, the first vomit is the worst one. Lay a few strategic towels, get multiple bowls that you can empty in the toilet and leave in the bath to clean later. Sleep nearby so you can jump to action with a bowl. You can do it! Your body can't actually maintain that shaking fear response indefinitely so it will probably ease a bit.

You are, of course, entirely right - vomiting is a mild and normal part of childhood, infinitely preferable to serious illness. The difficulty with phobias is that they are grossly irrational. In my case, I was hospitalised for uncontrollable vomiting as a 4yo (blue lights, middle of the night) and this has left me with an entirely irrational perception that vomiting = life-threatening danger and abrupt removal from home. I have tried my absolute best not to communicate this to my sons, but coping with what young people would call ‘triggering’ experiences is almost unendurable.

@Grendacious thanks fir these kind and practical words.

I've found my tribe, I trained ds from being about 3 to look after himself when he threw up, in 20 years I have only had to deal with it once. My tips are cover any sick on carpets with 1001 carpet refresher foam or shaving foam, it blocks the sight & smell, then use kitchen roll to clean the worst off the carpet, then hot water with something like Stardrops or biological washing powder, use a scrubbing brush & then a well wrung out cloth. For bedding, just simply strip off the bedding, bung in washer & put on a programme with a pre wash cycle. Open windows, wipe things like door handles, light switches, surfaces with either hot water & bleach or anti bacterial spray, get everyone washing hands, everyone has their own towel & flannel, change toothbrush heads or toothbrush as soon as the bug is over. Make sure each bedroom has a solid waste paper bin, I buy cheap ones from places like B & M, line with a carrier bag so if it is needed as a sick bucket you can whip out the bag of rubbish before using & they can be bleached. By doing all this I can honestly say we managed to avoid most of the sickness bugs, make dc wash their hands as soon as they get home from school or nursery, wash school clothing frequently if you can even if it doesn't look dirty, wipe school bags with a damp cloth & antibacterial spray, keep lunch boxes & drinks bottles well washed, try to find a drinks bottle that no other child is likely to have or label well so they don't drink out of another child's bottle.

Thanks @Nat6999 - excellent tips here! As someone who is massively neurotic about this, I have handwashing training in place, plus prepped bowls under bed (relative who is a nurse gave me super useful tip to fill these with absorbent toilet paper). I’m actually OK about cleaning up - it’s witnessing the actual vomiting I struggle with. Feel bad about being able to hold hair etc. DH usually steps in, but is away tonight…

Fellow emetophobe (or was).
The strategy I have found most helpful in these circumstances (yes I still get anxious as a "recovered emetophobe" is this:

Statement 1. The worst thing that could happen IS....
Statement 2: The best thing that could happen is...
Statement 3 (optional): the most likely thing is...
Statement 4: I've done this before and I survived. I can do it again.

Repeat above statements each time an anxious/irrational thought comes in.

@whateveryouwantmetosay This is lovely, measured advice. How did you get to ‘recovered’ status? I have tried CBT, exposure therapy, you name it - still feel like a failure!

@keepcrackingon the right therapist!! I literally learned that strategy from her while I was doing CBT with exposure.

Feeling your pain. DS is grown up now but I have been there (not cured by any stretch of the imagination) and spent many occasions standing outside the bathroom yelling encouragement and 'let me know when you're finished' whilst wanting to be as far away from the house as possible. You are doing it, you are fabulous and I hope he is on the mend now and DH is back to take over very soon.

@bluetopazlove massively unhelpful comment there even if it was well meant. When you have a proper, deep, irrational phobia then you would rather die than face your fear and telling yourself well,
isn't it great my kid hasn't just been decapitated by a combine harvester when they are about to vomit and you would honestly rather die than have to face vomit, well funnily enough it doesn't make it any better!

Oh do one we have all been at the end of a shitty situation , y'know what I was just trying to relax her she wasn't at the shitty end of a disaster so go on do one .Y'sure you've ever been at the shitty end of a disaster too ?

How eloquent @bluetopazlove

Have made it to the morning. Thanks, mums - knowing there were others awake and sympathetic was really helpful. Feel like I’ve been through the absolute pulverising wringer in terms of anxiety. Daylight always easier though, so a bowl & TV for DS is the plan!

Well done! Hopefully you and he are feeling much more human now. And you did it, as awful as it was, which is one less bit of power this fear has over you now.