I’m 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I’ve been an anxious mess this whole pregnancy. I had mild OCD (never diagnosed but classic checking locks, checking plugs turned off, contamination worries etc) prior to falling pregnant but no other mental health conditions. The OCD I had would only flare briefly for a couple of days in a row at times of stress.
The reason - I think - I’m so worried is because I had an early loss before conceiving this pregnancy, at around 5/6 weeks. I was caught totally off guard by this as never thought I’d be in that statistic, suppose nobody does, but none of the risk factors were there it was just one of those unfortunate things.
Some days are better than others worries-wise but all of my anxieties centre around baby’s health and hoping they are still doing ok. I’m low risk and all the scans have been perfect so far. I just feel sick with fear that anything I could do could cause something to go wrong again.
Some of the things I’ve worried about over the past couple of days to give you perspective on what I mean.
-Cleaning (worried disinfectant spray I use could get on the toilet roll or toothbrushes in the bathroom and that I could ingest those chemicals)
-Eating the right food/drinking enough water. Worry a lot if I’ve had too much sugar or salt, or if I forgot a dose of my pregnacare
-Having sex with DH - I don’t want to unless I know he’s just got out of the shower, if a couple of hours have passed I don’t want to as worry about infection risk
-Playing my music too loud in the car
-Breathing in petrol fumes when at the petrol station fuelling up
-Couldn’t remember when I opened a pot of sandwich spread, it said use within 5 days once opened. Logically I think it was within this time frame but knew I would worry so threw half the tub out.
-Carrying my work rucksack/heavy supermarket basket when I got more than I thought I needed
Even typing some of this out I can see it sounds really stupid, yet it’s all starting to have an effect on my day-to-day life. I’m sleeping and eating fine but spending a lot of my time ruminating and worrying about things that pre-pregnancy I wouldn’t have thought twice about. I do have support from family, friends and DH but think some of them are secretly probably growing tired of reassuring me for the 4th time in one day!! And DH hasn’t said so much but I can tell he wishes I was more chilled right now.
I don’t know what to do. I know it’s important I address it before baby is born as they deserve a mum who knows how to deal with worries and has solid mental health, as I know a newborn will test that as it is! I am also worried about the impact of this on mine and DHs (relatively new) marriage, I don’t want how I’m feeling to place a strain but sense it already is to some degree
I’m trying self help like podcasts and exercising more, making sure to prioritise sleep and eating enough fruit and veg.
I just feel a bit sorry for myself, hormones won’t be helping no doubt. If anyone has been through this or can suggest anything that would be really lovely. Thank you for this