Have you had to stop being overly nice to your partner? Has it changed your relationship and how?

[Ursun]

Just that really.

Had a conversation with my friend, she believes men like mean women and will take advantage of women who are too kind to them.

She says she noticed a change in behaviour in many relationships where a husband for instance used to take his wife for granted and treat her poorly until she started acting (I quote) bitchy.

I disagree but have admittedly seen men leave their wives for women who were a lot less easy going and more firm with boundaries.

What do you think?

Actually for me it’s the opposite. Yes I have boundaries and I assert them, but being bitchy definitely doesn’t help the situation. I am very pleasant to him.

I would say for me, it’s most effective if I simply assume I’m right/going to get what I want, or go ahead without even consulting like my dh (if it’s something unimportant) as that’s what he would do and just leave him sorting out the aftermath.

I don’t put up with being treated poorly any more. If dh wants to be moody I call it out very calmly asking him to either discuss the problem or make the bad mood go away pronto,or take myself to another part of the house while he gets himself back on track (I can tell if it’s a mood caused by him needing space; he’s an introvert).

There's a big difference between firm boundaries and being 'bitchy'. Knowing your worth, protecting your individuality and not putting up with crap treatment is certainly going to get you a better relationship than being a doormat.

I don't believe you can say there's a rule for relationship behaviour: it's not as if people are video games, everyone has their individual personality! But if you're given to being 'overly nice', anxious to please and compliant, you probably need some therapy to help you build your self-esteem.

That said, I once read a long article about why Russian women seem so successful with rich & powerful men. It basically boiled down to being extremely demanding, according to the women they interviewed.

I still think it's madness to play games in relationships - if you're looking to spend your life with someone, you don't want to set things up so that you've got to keep playing that game all day, every day. If you happen to be an amazingly glossy, demanding and intolerant woman looking for a rich man, though, go for it and good luck!

If you (in the general sense) have to play mind games then what is the point being together, no matter how many men are the devil posts they are not dogs to be trained, if you are that bored get a puppy

I want to forget the word “bitchy”, as it isn't what is meant here, I think, and it has skewed the discussion.
Not playing games, or being excessively demanding, either.

Let us substitute “refuse to take any shit”, and I believe it to be true.

In my experience and observation, the majority of men will take for granted and take advantage of women being kind, peacemakers, people pleasers, etc.

This holds true for both individual relationships and collectively.

Absolutely agree with Garlicked:
”There's a big difference between firm boundaries and being 'bitchy'. Knowing your worth, protecting your individuality and not putting up with crap treatment is certainly going to get you a better relationship than being a doormat.”