DD being hit by boys in her class help me prepare for teacher meeting

[Hightideattheseaside]

DD in mixed y3/4 class. She is y3. Boy in Y4 has been hitting her on a regular basis, not to leave marks but enough to upset obviously. Y3 boy also targets her and has done so again today. She comes out crying and I get told by a TA they have spoken to him. Getting fed up of all the teaching staff saying they will speak to them or they will keep an eye and it still happening.

I have a meeting with teacher where I need to demand they put things in place to stop it. The schools anti bullying policy quotes the UN rights of the child,
one of which is that a child has the right to be free from violence. So I’m going to throw that at him.

But I don’t feel very well equipped for these conversations. She is my eldest. What are the steps I need to ask for? What is my next move if nothing changes? How long do I give it? Can I threaten reporting to the police at this age? Is that too soon to bring in at this stage? This is our first formal Meeting to discuss. Any help appreciated.

As hard as it is, put aside what is being done about the boys. Ask the school to outline exactly how they are going to keep your daughter safe at school, and what changes are being made to stop it happening again.

They can refuse to answer about other children, they can't refuse answer what they are doing to protect your child.

A school that allows your primary aged child to be hit 'on a regular basis's is not a school I would be continuing with.

Don't go in all guns blazing. You sound very angry and this will not help at all.

Lunar 1 is right, focus tightly on your child. Ask what safeguarding actions they will take to protect your child? Tell them, that you trust them to take the appropriate actions for the other children but you need to know that your child will be safe. Ask to look at any safeguarding plan that they put in place and how this will be communicated to your child.

And don't try and outwit the teacher with UN quotes.

Good point @lunar1 I shall focus on that.

Absolutely this.

Ask what they are going to safeguard your DD to prevent her from being harmed.

Echoing that safeguarding is the magic word here. I’d also maybe use “what are you going to put in place to safeguard my daughter from being assaulted whilst she is in your care?”
or something similar.
hope it is resolved quickly for you

It’s not about out witting them it’s about pointing out what is written in their own school policy.

Agree the focus should be on your child. Firstly I would be asking how this is happening ie are they seated close together, is it a playtime thing?

Then follow up with what measures will they be putting in place to safeguard your child in school?

Take a notebook in and write down their response, then at the end of the meeting you can confirm what they have said as you have notes. You then follow this up with an email to state what was discussed and what measures they are taking. This is your paper trail that the school cannot hide from.

You need to make a diary of any further incidents, you need dates and a paper trail. In defence of any school, no school wants this, when parents complain it adds weight to any interventions that are being implemented with those children. I am not ever excusing their behaviour but some come from homes where there is violence from parents or siblings, shoving, hitting etc and school are the ones to teach them "kind hands" or "making good choices".

You said that you're going to throw the UN quote at them.

It sounds confrontational, and yes, like you're trying to outwit them.

I'm just trying to help you to have a successful meeting. Going in with this sort of attitude will not help.

I feel quite emotional at the moment, so forgive my attitude. We can’t all be calm super parents in the moment. My daughter has just been hit again so things are a bit heightened as I’m angry and worried. The reason for this post is to get some good advice so I can go in calm and collected and prepared so there will be no need to be confrontational. Thanks to all the help so far. It is very much appreciated.

Echo others saying stay calm and focus on asking what they're going to do to protect DD. Use words like assaulting and violence to drive the seriousness home. They'll likely try and downplay this as much as possible. So sorry you're going through this.

the un quote is IN the schools policy

This is not a police issue, as the boys are below the age of criminal responsibility, so don't bring that into it. Just talk about your daughter.

Yes I KNOW! It still makes the OP sound argumentative that she is going to 'throw it at them'.

You might also want to ask what the school is doing to ensure all pupils understand that violence against women and girls is unacceptable.

“We’ll speak to him” and “we’re keeping a close eye on things” are, understandably a school’s first steps when this sort of thing is brought to their attention. It’s important for you to stand firm on the fact that these steps have not worked.
Your question really is “now that speaking with the boys concerned and keeping a close eye on things has not worked, what are the next steps?” Your daughter doesn’t feel safe at school because she is not safe at school. So what new action will they be taking to protect your daughter since we can all agree that the original strategy has failed. Good luck. It’s very hard but the calmer you can be, the better.

How horrible for your DD. I have a DD in yr4 and hate the thought of something like this happening to her!
Have you been keeping a log of when she's been hit? If not try and see if she can remember when it's happened, who did it and what time of day. Take this to show the school. Keep a record going forward too.
Hope the meeting goes ok

Q:
Where have the teacher and TA noticed it happens - in the classroom, playground, assembly hall, etc?
Can closer supervision of your child be made in an identified location? (One of mine was bullied when lining up in the playground to go into the afternoon’s session. I asked for staff to observe him closely at this time and ensure he was out of the bullies’ reach.)
Have the teacher and/or TA identified a particular trigger (e.g. your DD’s success in an activity)? Have the boys concerned been specifically spoken to about this and has a log been kept of this?

To date what strategies have been employed and what are future proposals?
Have these boys been given focused tasks/distractions to prevent reoccurrence?
Have the boys’ parents been invited in to discuss as you have been?
If other children have also been targeted, could staff encourage them and your DD to form a supportive group?
Can a safe have be provided for your DD?

Really? I think OP sounds upset but is very rational and calm.
I'm not sure I would be

This is a safeguarding issue - what is the school doing to ensure that your daughter us safe at school.
What has the DDP advised should happen to keep your DD safe?
Ask to go through the anti bullying policy - have they done what the policy says they should do to prevent bullying.
Have the incidents been registered as bullying? If not why not?

Next step would include contacting the governor in charge of safeguarding.
The the local authority safeguarding team.

Safeguarding is the no 1 concern.

The ultimate response is to contact ofsted outlining your safeguarding concerns.

Keep on talking about safeguarding, breaches of safeguarding.

Tbh if this was my kid I would pass by the playground and do a Tony from Afterlife

I wouldn’t be either. The school can’t ‘do’ anything to guarantee the safety of her DD short of kicking these horrible boys out

As posters have said.
Dates and times.
photos of bruises, scratches or marks.
what are they going to do to safeguard your child.
And how are they going to protect your DD's mental health and wellbeing?

Don't be fobbed off with anything that could be perceived as punishing your child, that is moving her from the class, keeping her in at breaks etc.