Physical manifestation of anxiety or very serious illness?

[pontipinemum]

Sorry I'm not sure where to post and just hoping someone could maybe point me in the right direction.

It's my mother, she is 56, never been in good physical condition, type 1 diabetic and now seemingly asthmatic.

I've just spent a few days with my mother, I live a few hours away but normally see her every 2 months. She has been slow/ shuffles on the feet for a few years. But she was honestly like an elderly woman over the few days. Not wanting to walk. Needing support. Stopping every few meters.

We had plans for Saturday night but she pulled out saying she didn't feel well. But seemed fine enough later on that even.

Her eyes look sunk and tired. She is taking her asthma inhaler too much, she says she isn't but it looked to be a lot. My aunt a nurse thinks she is. This will be raising her heart beat. She shakes like a leaf, like tremors. She can't butter toast, her appetite is really poor as well.

Last week she took a day off work because she had an all day long ashma attack. She did manage to get to see the health nurse the next day. The nurse called in the doctor who has prescribed Benzodiazepines for a few days, he said 'up to 3' so she has been taking 1 but I think she needs to take them all. I know that's not a drug they will prescribe long term or will they? She says 'it's not like her to need a rest/ have a day off work' it is very like her! Most weekends she sits in her house watching TV and hardly goes anywhere or does anything.

She lives approx 50 meters from a corner shop. But would drive as you need to cross a road, yes the road can sometimes be a little busy it's a 2 lane road going into a town with very slow moving cars who often stop to let pedestrians cross. She gets it in her head she can't. She doesn't even like me walking there.

Her bloods have all come back fine. She had previously been low in magnesium so took a very high prescription supplement, which she said explained the shaking. But now she says it's the inhaler causing the shakes.

Her sisters who see her more often think it's all in her head but are careful not to dismiss what she is saying.

Sorry this is so long, I tried to give a reasonable picture.

Can this be from anxiety? At 56 I really don't think she should be a frail old lady

When she goes to the GP what does she tell them?

Is it more like your list - shuffling gait, can't walk 50m, no energy to do more than sitting, lots of sick days or more like her list - having one off day with breathing but otherwisefine?

Would she let you go with her?

@AnnaMagnani I don't know what she tell her GP. I'm not sure if she would. She might. She lets her nurse sister go to her diabetic consultant meetings. I don't know if she tells the about the shuffling but it's obvious. She also won't climb stairs, apart from the one in her house. But I suspect more and more she is sleeping in the living room to avoid it. Her couch is not at all good for sleeping on.

It'd be difficult for me to go with her, I live 3 hours away, so 6 hour round trip, work, have a 1.5 yr old and I'm 28 weeks pregnant. I see they all look like excuses.

I am looking up in patient care for anxiety. If she would agree to go for an assessment that might be a step in the right direction.

She used to be a very heavy drinker, min of a bottle of wine per night, but for 5/6 years hasn't really touched it. DH wonders if she is drinking again. She doesn't drink around me but I did see some empties last time I was down. Nothing worrying - 2 empty beer bottles.

That doesn’t sound like physical symptoms of anxiety to me, it actually sounds quite worrying.
There are lots of physical conditions that would not show up on the health MOT style blood tests.

@BurntToACinder she has been to the GP a few times in the last few weeks along with a diabetic consultant as her blood sugars are all over the place. She also lost about 1/2 a stone in the last few weeks due to loss of appetite. She has it to lose but still it worried me.

What can I ask the doctors to check for? They say it's in her head. All the rest of my family seem to agree. I think there is something but I do also think she is suffering from anxiety

I agree.

Shaking could also be down to her inhaler use. Large doses of ventolin can give you the shakes for a whole afterwards.

I'd have a heart to heart with her, op. Try & get into her head and find out what her innermost perspective is. Whether she's secretly scared or just feels lost...

Its possible that her condition has deteriorated slowly enough that she's not noticed all the adaptations she's made to cope & doesn't realise how far from a healthy/fit baseline she's drifted or that her normal isn't actually normal. I think the first step is in finding out whether she realises this or not.

Second step is finding out what's stopping her from getting help. Is that she doesn't know what support there is available?
Or because she believes that because her GP said her bloods were fine that nothing is wrong?

Does she need someone to advocate for her?
It can take a lot of courage to go to the GP when you're worried and if you are dismissed or don't get anywhere it can take a very long time to build the courage to go back, push for further tests etc.

She needs to keep a symptom diary / daily diary which will help both her & gp see what she's dealing with.

Record every symptom: tiredness, weakness, shaking, mobility issues, nausea, pain etc

Keep for 2-4 weeks. Include amount & quality of sleep

Ventolin (emergency inhaler) will give shakes due to Adrenalin.

She sounds like I get when I have a serious chest infection. Can't breathe well so use emergency inhaler to try to keep going and get around. I usually wind up on antibiotics and steroids and a couple of weeks in bed unable to move due to illness.

I wouldn't put too much reliance on the doctor saying it is anxiety;

I have had asthma ( that was anxiety apparently)
Endometriosis (also anxiety)

If the doc doesn't know what it is you'll get told it's anxiety.

Plus it's medical sexism. Men don't get told this bollocks.

When I was reading your first post, the first thing that came to mind was 'is she drinking heavily?'. Being a recovering alcoholic myself, I would say that the symptoms you describe sound like someone who is struggling with alcohol, poor health related to it (being out of breathe, exhaustion, sunken eyes, poor appetite, etc.) and withdrawal symptoms (the shaking, fast heart rate).

If she was once a heavy drinker, it would be very unlikely that she could just magically snap into being a moderate drinker who has 2 bottles of beer and nothing else. I'm asthmatic and have had a really serious chest infection that landed me in hospital, and then can wipe you out, but they are usually short-lived. This sounds like a longer term slide into seriously poor health and my guess is it's something else (and not anxiety, though she certainly may feel anxious).

I'm not really sure what the next step is though. I have been looking up private health screening clinics. We are in Ireland. She has very good health insurance so hopefully that'd cover a fair chunk of it.

I think the problem is she may actually have anxiety as well. Another thing for years she had put off buying a house because the only ones she could afford had stairs. Along with a host of other reasons. She now rents a house with stairs because it's all that was available. She lets things build up and up in her head.

She is complaining a lot about her legs being sore. But I honestly do not know what to do.

She can be lazy about going to the GP - it's not a cost issue her health insurance covers most of it. (GP in Ireland isn't free, hospital is). She is a terror for 'Mary from down the road uses this herbal thing and it works so I will do that' but she has actually been to the GP about this.

Her GP is over prescribed and doesn't have the time for his patients that is needed. Huge issue here with getting appointments, there just are not enough GPs

It does look a lot like alcohol. I am absolutely no expert at all but I have looked into a lot of things about alcoholism. I am not actually sure she was an alcoholic but extremely dependent. All of the 'isms' were there though as I was growing up and she was extremely secretive about how much she was actually drinking (or though she was) so she could be. Sometimes when she texts me in the evening her messages don't make sense.

I asked her once if she was drinking, I said I was just concerned that her text's weren't making sense and if she was drinking that'd make sense. She got defensive - bad sign - but I can't really bring it up again or she will shut me down.

I'm getting worried that at this point she won't see 60 and that is honestly terrifying. She has never been fit, always been over weight, I have just done her approx BMI and it's about 38. She is very much a procrastinator, but thinks she isn't. She (AFAIK) is good at her job but managing her personal life is a mess.

Ah, that changes things. With a BMI that high, it could be her weight causing most of her issues. It will put a lot of pressure on her legs, knees, ankles, lungs, heart etc.
Has she had an ECG or anything like that? Someone I know with heart issues has similar symptoms to your mum.
Alcohol combined with weight is a lot of strain on the body.

I really don't think she is drinking much again. Those beers were the first ones I had seen in her house in a long time. I could always tell when she was pissed. But of course I haven't lived with her for a long time so don't know her as well.

The BMI is approx, but would have to be over 35. I'm guessing at her weight based off what she last told me.

She has been talking about getting a PT (one that can work with her at her level) or going back swimming for honestly a decade. It is tiring hearing the same thing over and over again. 'I will do it' 'I'll call this week' 'I'll start' then nothing happens. Now I am by no means great. I need to exercise more I don't enjoy it but when not pregnant try to do some classes and get out for more walks. I could certainly be doing more and make excuses myself.

It's hard to motivate someone that says all the right things to you when you say them but never puts them into action. Since I was 12 years old she has been asking me for help on how to lose weight, back then it was my fault if she didn't do it, now it's something else

Things have taken a turn for the worse. She was in the GP today and called in a panic to say she was being sent to hospital. She had an ECG and it was 'tacky' I don't really know what that means but google says fast heart rate. Her blood pressure was also through the roof. But oxygen was good even though she is complaining of breathlessness.

She meet a doctor she hadn't met before and apparently he was very thorough.

I feel bad I am a 3 hour drive away so I haven't gone down. Her sister is with her and said she will call me later. I can't really go down for a few days either I have a maternity clinic Friday and 2 exams next week although of course they aren't the most important thing right now

Tachycardia isn’t serious in itself, and if she was anxious about going to the hospital, a fast heart rate would be quite normal!
High blood pressure is easily treatable with medication and a lot of people have high blood pressure. Try not to worry. Neither thing is reason to panic yet.

Your maternity appointments are important.
Your exams are also important - I imagine they will improve future career prospects?

Your mother is an adult and has made choices that have brought her to this point. You are heavily pregnant, have a small child and are working and/or studying while living 3 hours away. You must put yourself and your family first. Sadly, your mum won't change and you travelling to cajole her into exercise/doctor's appointment/etc will do nothing

@KnittingKnewbie I'll be def going to my maternity clinics. It was the exams that might take the hit. But I've studied really hard and would hate to put them off. Yes very important for my career not a 'hobby study'

Agree with the others.

Tachycardia is a high heart rate and depending on how high could easily be caused by simply being at the doctors.

High blood pressure is also very common.

In similar circumstances they gave my mum a blood pressure monitor to use at home and when measured regularly over a week her blood pressure was mostly normal.

Even if it is high generally, there are simple medications that will sort it out, changing diet is also an easy way that lots of people choose if they don't want to take a pill.

@Octavia64 sweet mother of whatever you pray to. I'm in shock. Just got a call. They think and suspect it is Parkinson's I am in so much shock. I'm reading the symptoms and a lot of it looks correct. F*ck.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

My thoughts are with you.

Sorry to hear that, I guess they will need to do scans for that diagnosis though. My dad had one and it was quite a lengthy scan.

Yes, they have started her on medication and hope to have the scan in a few weeks. I've been reading up on it a bit - only reputable sites - and it doesn't seem unmanageable

I am sorry to read your update. My mum would also fit a number of the symptoms, the walking and resting especially, but it's looking like a circulation (and probably iron - been anaemic for decades with no improvement) issue. That affects her toes, sometimes, dramatically, and this means the walking deteriorates really fast.
Hope that there is a course of treatment that will start to help.

I've just seen your update. So sorry.

I've told her she is welcome to come and stay with us while she rests/ adjusts. We have the space and live in a bungalow so it should be easier for her. She likes coming here so might be nice for a few days/ weeks. I'm not really sure what the plan will be!