I am being bullied at work

[Wrenbird27]

I work in a school as a TA. I love my job. I am on a twelve month contract so need to interview again in the summer.

In my classroom there is a teacher and another TA (who has a permanent contract). Since last September the other TA has been giving me a hard time. The silent treatment, mean comments, etc. Never when there is anyone else around. I'm 48 and she is 58 if it's relevant.

I always hoped she would stop. I have been keeping notes for about the last six months or so.

I didn't say it to the teacher because they are good friends and I just don't think she'd believe me. This TA is also very friendly with the Principal.

All the staff seem to love this TA. I thought I was going crazy for a while. I would never have believed that someone could be so two faced. It's really knocked my faith in other people.

I think I should probably keep going as I am until the summer holidays. I'm polite to her.. I keep saying good morning even though she blanks me, etc. I won't sink to her level.

I am worried that if I say anything now that it will effect my chances of getting the job in September. And I worry that I wouldn't be believed. I am very non confrontational.

If i am working there again in September I would be unlikely to be paired with her again. If we were (and my contract for the year ahead was signed) I would say something to the Principal at that point.

Not sure if I'm looking for advice or just getting all this off my chest.

If you want to apply again, I would say you need to be all positive and smiley, as this unpleasant person may well have the ear of the principal.
Try to make sure you are not alone with her, and keep it all superficial and professional.
It's horrible when someone behaves like that towards you, I have had that a couple of times working in schools, you have my sympathy.

I’d smile all the more at her. Be extremely bright and breezy, that’ll confuse her.
I’d be looking for vacancies at other schools too.

I would probably only make an effort to seem friendly when others are around. I wouldn't bother talking to her if you don't have to.

When I was 20 I was bullied by two women who I worked with, one in her 40s and one who was 60. We were the only three women in very male heavy industry and I was the new hire. I have absolutely no idea to this day over 20 years later what made them treat me so horribly. I was polite, kind, on time, I did my job, dressed appropriately. It was from day one where one of them told me they wanted someone else who was really nice but they got me instead. I was so perplexed by it all; the sarky comments and talking over my head excluding me and whispering. Anyway, being 20 I didn't really give much of a fuck what two "ladies" my parents and grandparents age thought and just got on with the job and talked and was polite regardless. Basically, I just pretended I didn't notice. I had loads of mates outside of work, what they thought of me didn't matter at all.
I was there 6 years until I left on maternity leave with my first baby. When they realised after about a year I wasn't going to rise to anything or go off bawling they packed it in and were actually nice to me. When I left they got me presents and asked me to stay in touch 😂. I didn't obviously. Never forgot.
So I'd advise just ignoring the stupidity entirely. Do your job, discuss anything work related if necessary but otherwise say hi and bye and forget she exists. People are so strange and unpleasant sometimes, but it always says more about them than you.

Having volunteered in a primary school I would keep up the cheery greeting, be lovely and chatty to everyone and get a new contract for September. Then I would ask to be paired with someone else when the time comes.

Don't shoot yourself in the foot before then.

Just remember that some people will just not like you, it has nothing to do with you, it is them and nothing, nothing you do will change that. Let the mean comments roll off you, she is acting like a child, for now, let her.

Thanks very much... Interesting that nobody has suggested I talk to the teacher. Which echoes my gut feeling about this matter. Even though that is what the 'correct' thing to do would be.

It's crazy - a part of our job would be to keep an eye on the emotional well being of the kids. The school has a strong anti bullying message and there is zero tolerance of it.

I'm counting down the days until the end of term.

If there is anyone else you could talk to, a peer, I would. Maybe others have seen the other side of her. Just someone to listen not to complain.

If you can hang on, who knows maybe staff will be moved around anyway next year. She's probably threatened by you. I'd make up a little game in my head, every time you predict her rubbish behaviour, 5 points. 100 points is bingo!

Are you keen to stay in the same school? I’m in secondary which obviously is very different but we can’t recruit for love nor money, despite the behaviour being mostly really good. You could easily get a job elsewhere. I couldn’t tolerate such pathetic behaviour from another adult.

This is so sad. No easy answer either.

My bully was particularly awful this week. I have gone to sleep worrying about the situation and woken up worrying about it. No job is worth the effect this is having on my mental strength.

I have reached the conclusion that it is more important I talk now to the teacher than secure a job for next year. I would hate for anyone else to go through what I have been through this year.

I sent the teacher a message at the end of the school day on Friday (from my car) asking to meet after school next week to discuss a matter in confidence.

I have written out some bullet points - my plan is to read this to her and go from there. I'm going to keep it simple - hopefully I won't turn into a blubbering mess!

Good for you

• it sounds awful. Hope your meeting goes well .

I have been in exactly your position in a school as a ta. Exactly same thing. I tried so hard to rise above it etc and not let it get to me but it was affecting me so badly and like you I couldn't sleep and I dreaded going into work. Like your bully everyone seemed to love her and I didn't think anyone would believe me. I also felt so ridiculous as a grown woman that I was being bullied at 45 years old !! One day as I came back from lunch I felt so bad I just broke down in the corridor. Luckily the dept head was walking towards me and took me into her office. I kind of thought I have no choice now but to just be honest and tell her everything which I did. She did believe me and she moved me out of that class which was a relief to me. If I hadnt told her I would have left because I just couldn't take it anymore so I kind of had nothing to lose at that point. she was gaslighting me and being just so vile but never infront of anyone. My advice is to tell someone in management. They should believe you and should make arrangements so you don't have to work with this awful woman again of course I still had to see her but just being out of her class was so much better. Luckily she left after a while and so I never had to see her again. I do wonder why people do this ? They must have some unhappiness within themselves. Good luck and I really hope it gets sorted 🙏

She is just trying to be top dog . The way I handled a woman at work was to ask her advice on a few things and how to do a few things . That did the trick for me , she stopped seeing me as a threat . If you have to be with her next year make a point of thanking her for her help and say you are looking forward to working together next year . Unfortunately if you try and fight fire with fire with this one you will get burned as she is in too thick with the class teacher and this will be twisted on you .

Good luck, Op.

Good luck. I think you are doing the right thing in telling someone. I've had a similar experience and didn't tell, it affected my mental health and I regret not saying something sooner simply because if I had it might have stopped sooner. And if they hadn't believed me, the situation was so bad anyway I don't think it could've been any worse. Are you a union member? You could talk to them to.

Hello! The fact that everyone else likes her shows there's something deeper there. Maybe a mental disorder.. perhaps she a narcissistic or she has sociopathic tendencies?

I would ignore her. She wants you to feel bad and insecure, maybe to scare you away. Keep in mind her bad behaviour is her issue and there's nothing stopping you from being happy and oblivious to it (show her you're oblivious).

I had a work situation like this but the problem was it developed into a smear campaign.. if that happens then again you have to ignore it and maybe start looking for another place to work or talk to a boss about it. Good luck!

bullying could stop by head in primary school against TA when whole group is involved?is it possible? Any experience?