Please help. Just found this on my dad's back.

[sprigatito]

My dad's partner died of cancer a few days ago, he and I were with her when she died, and I've brought him home with me until the funeral (and probably permanently). He's got Alzheimer's and his partner was his carer. He's been looking pained and twisting his shoulder, he said it's just a spot, but I made him show me his back and found this. It looks just like the squamous cell carcinoma he's had removed before, only it's enormous. He's lost weight and is pale and more vague and breathless than usual, but I thought it was just grief

This is really fucking bad, isn't it? He survived stage 4 lymphoma in 2017 and has a heart condition. I have a doctor calling me back from 111, but should I just take him to A&E?

No useful knowledge here either. Just best wishes x

Didn't want to read and run @sprigatito. Wishing you, your Dad and your family lots of love and a big virtual supportive hug. I'm sorry that you're having such a rotten time at the moment 🌺

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this, and your poor dad :( I'm crossing everything for you that it turns out to be nothing serious x

Oh, I’m so sorry to see this. Sending you light and love for you and your dad.

It all sounds so tough, OP - I'm just adding more good wishes and holding you all in the light.

@sprigatito I'm so sorry you and your poor Dad are going through this.
Hopefully he won't suffer too much if given adequate pain relief.
Alzheimer's is a frightening condition in itself, never mind this.
He is lucky to have you.

If its basal cell carcinoma it just needs to be chopped off, they don't spread. I am in Oz so get an annual skin check. My skin doc chopped a few moles off recently and told me that if they were basal cell it isn't really a concern. He told me of one of his patients who come in every year to get his chopped off when the lump on his nose grows enough to get in the way of his vision. So try not to panic, but do get it checked.

That's reassuring about basal cell carcinoma, hopefully it's that and they can just remove it without too much pain 🤞

DH managed to get him a gp appointment this afternoon, they refused initially (said take him to A&E!) but he cited NHS policy that everyone has a right to see a gp and threatened to make a complaint. They weren't happy but did find a place for him at their sister surgery a few miles away.

They dont like visiting patients as it usually means they are quite poorly. If he has dementia as well I think I would be looking into keeping him locally and moving him nr you. He won't do well on his own or just with carers. you might have to involve social services to make this happen though. Hope they at least sort him some decent pain management.

Op, I don't want to give you false hope especially with your dad's history but my dad had something like this a few years ago and it turned out to be non cancerous. It was an infected scratch or hair follicle or something.

Best of luck to you and your family.

@DontWannabe

so it was an infection that turned cancerous?

I know someone who has something v similar to the ops dad and was told it was a harmless cyst. The only difference is the colour.

She said it was non cancerous.

It could be an infected pus filled blackhead they grow quite quickly and can look scary. Best to get him the doctor straight away for antibiotics I would not try squeezing it.

His dementia has definitely taken a turn for the worse lately and I do think he needs to live with me permanently now, but he disagrees, and his awareness is very patchy rather than uniformly poor, so it's tricky. He came down this morning talking about going to the railway station to book his ticket home. I diverted by saying he was having a holiday with us and had only just got here, but an hour later he was itching to go again. There's no instruction manual for this 😞

Thats great that your DH got that sorted out, well done for him standing his ground - I think many people would have just given up and gone to A&E. Don't they say something like 30%+ of cancers are first discovered at A&E now? Due to GPs fobbing people off one way or another: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/apr/07/more-than-third-uk-cancer-patients-diagnosed-in-emergency

Anyway let us know OP, you are doing a great job caring for your dad.

yes the difficulty is when they are very physically fit but not able to cope day to day because of the in and out of capacity/coping skills. Mum had vascular dementia and it was very difficult with both parents - my Dad didn't even want a walker in the house for her even when she was unsafe without - many a row over that and he didn't have dementia!!

In one of her more lucid moments Mum said wouldn't it be interesting to have a book written by dementia suffers as to what it was like. She knew it was coming and read up alot about it before she lost the ability to read/comprehend etc.

OP, you are doing exactly the right thing taking him to see the GP, although A&E would have been as good, and has the advantage over a GP of having ready access to diagnostic equipment and the ability to admit.

No one, even the doctor, will be able to say 100% what it is from appearance alone, it can be readily determined if it is a cyst or cellular mass, if the latter likely it will be scheduled for prompt removal and then examine in the lab to determine what it is, and from there, what to do.

My dad has a huge Basal Cell on his leg at 84, it was promptly dealt with and he lived another 4 years, passing away of old age.

Have faith in the professionals, they are mostly good and will do what is best.

That's exactly it, he's physically pretty sprightly and in the context of an individual conversation he can come across as perfectly normal - but it might be the same conversation you've had with him 6 times today already! He probably would be capable of going to the station, buying a ticket and travelling home, he would be able to give his address to a taxi driver etc. He would probably also manage to pop out for milk and bread at the shop he's used to. But he wouldn't wash or change his clothes, he might leave the oven on or fall asleep with the front door open, and he would wake up tomorrow and go out on foot to search the local hospitals for his partner because he's forgotten she's died, he remembers she was in a medical environment but not that it was the hospice. Dementia is such a weird and idiosyncratic constellation of symptoms, nothing is simple or consistent, so whatever you do you feel like you're in the wrong 😞

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! Sending you a massive hug xxx I hope it turns out to be benign xxx

@sprigatito
I hope for a good outcome for your dad.
Does he have carers at home?
Will you be able to cope with caring if he moves in with you? Unfortunately he won't be better than he is now, dementia wise.
If you need more support on that from please join Dementia Support Forum run by the Alzheimer's Society, if you haven't already. It is such a lovely supportive and caring forum with non of the negativity you can get from a few posters on Mumsnet.
My dad had dementia and Non Hodgkin Lymphoma. He was treated pre dementia but it started up again 5 years later (age 85). He refused treatment because he couldn't cope with leaving the house and being taken to hospital for check ups. He was offered chemo tablets to be taken at home but needed monitoring. He was then a palliative patient but didn't receive any care to be honest. His NHL progressed and after 4 hospital admissions he went into a nursing home.

Thinking of you OP and so glad your DH was able to take up the reigns and advocate for your Dad. It sounds like you're battling on all fronts at the moment - I hope things calm for you very soon.

Sending good wishes your way @sprigatito . My mum had Alzheimer's and right up until the last few months of her life, she was as fit as a fiddle and, yes, good mobility combined with a failing mind proved to be a very precarious situation. I'm sorry to say, that although it was sad to see her lose her mobility, I was relieved when I wasn't getting a couple of calls a week, either from her or one of the carers, to say she had fallen. As regards the mass on your dad's back, my mum had several squamous cell carcinomas removed from her face. One of them was on her forehead and grew very very quickly - an inch in the space of a week. She had all of them very successfully removed. I know this might not be what your dad has, but just letting you know that it may well be something that can be removed very easily without any further treatment, just monitoring.

Hopefully he has been seen by the GP now and referred. Just to reassure you about wait times, I saw my GP about a patch I was concerned about on my face and was called the same day by the hospital and seen the day after that in Dermatology so he should be seen very quickly. Hopefully it is benign and they will just remove it for him.

Your dad is very lucky to have you OP, big hugs xx

Hope drs have given you some hope this afternoon x