Father's Day

[AbFabDaaaaahling]

So we got a message today from our daughter's preschool inviting all dads to come in a weekday in June from 2-3 to celebrate the above. It was also made clear that other male role-models were included in this; grandfathers and uncles etc.
But then a mum messaged asking if mums could attend if dads couldn't. The reply was that yes, they could.
I'm really not sure how I feel about this?
I attended the mother's day one (fortunately fell on my only non-working day) and there were only women in attendance; mums, grandmothers, aunties.
Thoughts?

Thank god this isn't a thing at my kids school their father is absent! I think it's fine what about the kids of single parents not all have grandparents and uncles.

I think I would be pleased that my child was at an inclusive preschool and she has two different people whose work is flexible enough that she can bring them with her on special days.

We were told that no one but actual grandparents could come, but as half were dead and the other half either completely bed bound or with advanced dementia that was not possible. Try explaining that to your child.

Presumably the response would have been the same on mothers day if it was the other way around but the issue hadn't arisen?

Would you have been OK with dads/grandads/uncles at the mother's day event?

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor I'm a teacher so no way I could have done any other day except Monday (my non-teaching day). But I personally wouldn't have asked for my husband to attend - not that that was offered.
Totally agree with you re the grandparents thing.

I dont see the issue - not everyone has a mother, or father or grandparents. So instead of making this blatently obvious they offer the space to another family member so the child still gets a visitor when other poeple have them.

It would be so sad if a child didn't get a visitor because it was 'role' specific - as long as its not directly effecting you or your child it doesnt really matter does it

@anonqrtb Assuming you would have been OK with my husband going in for the Mother's Day event? 😀

Of course.
Whyever wouldn't you ?

@NewName24 Tbf it was never offered as an option.

Yes - why wouldnt i?

If it meant your child didnt miss out, and still got to see someone they loved when other parents were there. We are talking toddlers who have no real concept of 'mothers' or 'fathers' day - they will just be happy to see a parent.

Its adults that care - clearly!

See it through the kids eyes only and not your adult ones.

If some ones dad is not in their lives and they have no male role models it will be really shit for them having no one to wave at in the crowd. Same for Mother’s Day.

And I say this as some one who kicked up a stink that there was a male at the ladies only afternoon tea event at our school 🥴

@Ritadidsomethingbad So why did you kick up a stink?

Yes, why would anyone be upset at a child’s parent supporting their child at a school community event? Not all children have mothers, and some children without mothers don’t have a granny or auntie who is able to attend with them. Surely it’s best in that case that the father is there for the child than no one.

I think it’s fine. The important part is the child has someone there for them. I’d think that male family members would have been allowed for Mother’s Day if anyone would have asked.

This isn’t a single sex space issue. 😅

I think with things like this, it's important that every child has someone who is there for them and isn't left out.

I wouldn't have an issue with a mum or a dad attending a special event at school if the other couldn't be there.

Thinking specifically of father's day, if dh couldn't be here to attend, there would be no one else who could attend but me - we have no special male members in our family. Dh and I both lost our dad's as teenagers, so our dc don't have grandfathers. There are no male family members who live anywhere nearby who could attend. Dc have an uncle, who is lovely and would probably be tickled to attend a school event, but he's 6 hours away.

It would make me sad to think of one of our dc sitting there without anyone at a father's day tea or whatever. If I had to miss the mother's day tea, which I would if I had a work commitment that couldn't be changed, of course I'd hope dh would be allowed to go instead.

See that would bother me. I can 💯 get behind it is the parent had died or were not present in the child’s life - but just because you had other things going on - yeah it’s a bit naff.

Thanks all. I agree - but feel it should be the same for both mother's and father's day.
I feel incredible mum guilt that I won't be taking my little one to her first day at school, or attending any school events, reception home visit etc, but I know I am blessed with family who can step in for me ❤️

@Ritadidsomethingbad Some parents simply can't get time off. It's not permitted.

Surely it would have been the same for Mothers Day, had a dad asked if he could attend because the mum couldn’t?

You said it wasn’t presented as an option for Mother’s Day - but it wasn’t either for father’s day until someone asked. Or are you saying that a dad did ask to attend Mother’s Day and was told no?

Yeah, but not everyone is a SAHP. Some people have clinical rotas that can't be changed. I'm a lecturer. I have to turn up to lecture for my students if it's a teaching day. I wouldn't be able to just not show up and teach because I wanted to go to a school event. These things aren't flexible. The schedule is set by someone else like 6 months in advance and there is no choice in the matter. Some people travel for work. If you're meant to be in New York or Geneva or wherever for a meeting, you can't just pull out 2 weeks before because there is tea and scones at school that day.

Now someone who just can't be asked, yes, that's different. Someone who could rearrange their working pattern, yes, of course, they should try to. I'm lucky to have a lot of flexibility and rarely miss a school event, except when I don't have any flexibility and then it's completely not possible. It would be sad to think of anyone's child being alone for a special event just because they have working parents who can't just take a day off with a week's notice.

So now some people are posting saying both mum and dad are attending...

We don't do these events at my school, my previous one did and I absolutely hated them.
Shit for children with absent or same sex parents. Shit for working parents and sad/shit for families who have parents/grandparents that have died.

It benefits nobody in the long run. Yes make a card & little gift but make it quite clear the child can give it to whoever they want. Job done.

So let's say a child lives with their dad.
mum is deceased for example
and they live away from their family
youd rather a small
child sit through an even like this alone
really
god some people are pathetically petty

@Hobnobswantshernameback Nobody said that?
But as we are talking re Father's Day hopefully in that instance dad could attend?